Is it wrong to feel jealous somtimes?

**sarasbluegroove** · 12-16-2008 07:52 PM

I'm 21, and i turned 21 before my boyfriend and all of my friends. So i can't go to a bar or restaruant and have a drink with my buddies, because no one is of age, and no one wants to go if i'm the one drinking all the time, and they have to be designated driver.

I can however, go out with my boyfriend's brothers, who are around my age, and are my only friends over 21. However, they never seem to go out when i'm around. I don't think it's on purpose, but it's very frustrating. Especially when i have other obligations that pull me away from a night out, but my boyfriend is able to go out with them at happy hour and have a great time ( even though he's under age) and i'm stuck somewhere i don't want to be. It seems to always be the case, i've never gone out with just them to hang out. The few times they do go out, i can't go.

There aren't very many nights that my boyfriend and i spend apart, but the nights i have to do something, and he doesn't, he ends up going out with his brothers to happy hour. I have no objections with him spending time with his brothers, but it's just very frustrating when my only door to go to a bar and have a good time is through them, and they always go when i can't.

Is it wrong of me to feel frustrated and a little jealous? The way i see it, as soon as my boyfriend turns 21, he'll have so much more freedom then i do now, and i've been 21 for nearly 6 months! I feel like a cry baby, but i can't help but get this angry pang in my stomach of resentment. It's very frustrating. Any advice on how to make myself feel better? Can i tell myself it's ok to feel jealous? Or should i not be? thanks

**thack** · 12-17-2008 10:34 AM

Not sure what to say here, I was always the younger one out of all my friends (i just got a fake ID to solve my problems *NOT RECOMMENDING IT*)

Dont be jealous of him being out with his brothers, they are brothers. There are things that I will do with my brothers that I would not do with anyone else, that is THEIR bonding time. IF you want to drink with your boyfriend (not saying to contribute to underage drinking or anything *disclaimer* lol) but bring home something to drink, make it fun, get a margarita kit, or expirament with different flavors and drinks together in the kitchen. That is the route I would go.
When I was married my wife turned 21 before I did, I enjoyed going out with her watching her get sloshed and then having to carry her home, made me feel like I was protecting her (for some reason, lol) I always liked carry'ing her upstairs and putting her into bed. But that was just me.

Guys are different, but dont be jealous of him and his brothers, that's something my X wife did to me, and it caused tension between me and my brothers. (you can always get a new boyfriend/girlfriend in life, not brothers/sisters, they are forever) just keep that sort of aspect in mind when thinking of interaction with family.

HOPE this helps in some way shape or form, its a hard one to really give any sort of advice on.

**N01** · 12-17-2008 04:21 PM

not wrong to feel that way if there's a halfway decent reason. do ya really think is is a halfway decent reason?

personally, i think you're over reacting based on what you've said.

**sarasbluegroove** · 12-18-2008 05:11 AM

Thank you. I think i am too sensitive about it. I have had oppertunitites to go out over th summer with other people i don't really know well, and i backed out because i felt bad my bf couldn't come, he was working or something. I didn't want to make him feel bad, because i know i would feel left out if he went out with friends and i was stuck at home, yet again.

I don't think he likes being the designated driver when we go out all the time. Which brings me to another question. Now that school is over, and his family is going out a lot more because his biggest brother just came home (lives far away), he gets a lot more oppertunities to go out with them. So when i do go out with his family, is it wrong to expect him to DD for me? I always feel bad (the bain of my existance, i feel bad about everything, and not just everything to do with him, i was born with a guilty concience). So i feel bad because the last time we went out, i drank, but he goes out more and drinks more than i do, at least this time of year, so i would expect him to offer to dd, but i also don't want to take advantage of him, and take away time and fun with his family from him. You get what i mean?

**thack** · 12-18-2008 05:23 PM

um, interesting situation. Does he have a dominance complex? feel subserviant to you because you ask him to DD? I do not think that most guys do, if you go out and drink by yourself he may have other issues that he needs to deal with (more than likely) but just because he's not out with you when you are drinking, that's something that ~should~ come with time, trust, do you have trust issues?

I know I DIDNT have trust issues with my STBX, but I dont know, she didnt go out before I was 21, I DD'd for her the like 2 nights she drank in the 6 months before I turned 21. Dont know if this is helpful or not, just thoughts.

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