Thread: Breaking up with him... and the kids

It's funny. I've never been one to seek out advice, it's usually everyone else asking me for it lol. Perhaps, that's why I'm finding it so hard to ask a close friend and why I have decided to use the internet. Here goes...

I've been dating my boyfriend for eight months now. And I'm beginning to think it might be in my best interest to end it, although it's gonna be very hard and I'm gonna be miserable for a while. I really do care about him. A lot. But there's just soooo much BAGGAGE and I don't feel like there's a place for me. He's been separated from his ex-wife for over a year and a half and the divorce was just finalized back in June. He has full custody of both of their sons ages 3 and 5 because she's a deadbeat p.o.s mom. And right now he's living at home with his parents. In these past eight months he has never taken me on a date. The only time we went out to a restaurant to eat was when I was meeting my real father for the first time. I use to see him once a week, maybe more if I met him up at the bar he was dj-ing at for a bit. He use to complain about gas prices... we live about 20-25 minutes away from each other. Since October I've been seeing him about three times a week. He's remodeling my parents house tho, and I tend to help him out a bit. But that's nothing. Whatever. Then he gives me these phony excuses about his "efforts" to come see me more and how he's really trying. I guess he thinks that since he calls me 5-6 times throughout the day on top of that, it should make up for our lack in seeing each other. I've tried breaking up with him before but he makes me feel bad and because I have all these feeling for him I take him back. And he gives me all these promises about how things are gonna be different. But I haven't seen one thing change. He tells me I'm trying to find someone perfect and I need to be more realistic. I think with all of the baggage that he has, and with me being willing to help him carry it, he should be grateful! Who wants to be "mommy" to 2 kids! I'm 23 and he's 27 btw. I'm pretty young and while the prospect of this becoming something more serious doesn't frighten me, what does frighten me is this eerie feeling that he wants me there to raise his kids. Because I'm "convenient". I think it's pretty clear what I must do. It's just so HARD because of these feelings that I have for him. And because of his kids. I've developed feelings for them as well. But at the rate things are going, I don't think he has time for me, or that he's even appreciative for all that I've done for him thus far. I guess, my question is, am I right in this decision? I keep second guessing myself and I need to know someone else's perspective. And if so, what might be my best approach? And is there anyway I can avoid hurting the kids??

Thanks much!