My boyfriend of 6 years is CHEAP.

Scha · 12-31-2008, 03:21 PM

I just don't know what to do anymore.. He is so cheap!

Let me sum it up quickly - My sweetie of 6 years works for HP. He has a very good job (25.00 hr+) and puts 500 dollars away in savings every single month.

He has zero debt, not even a credit car or car payment. His house is actually his dads, though he makes the mortgage payments. He has approximately 28k in the bank.

You would never know this from looking at him though. OR looking at me!

The last two days I've asked him to get me two things, costing a total of 40 dollars. One was a vest HE thought I should have, and one was a bottle of wine. I ended up buying the vest for myself, and he is taking credit.. "Aren't you glad I made you get that??" .
....

GRR!

I love this guy a lot. I wanted the wine for New Years Eve celebrations. We're going to another couple's house and I felt like we should bring something... but he said if I want it, I have to pay for it.

I, on the other hand, am buying all the groceries, cooking, and cleaning for him on my whopping 900/month. I'm a full time student besides.

I totally feel like a shmuck. I feel like I'm being used. I don't feel taken care of. I can't even get him to go get me a soda. If I want it, I have to go get it.

Help me figure out how to talk to him about this, because its seriously just about the last straw, and I don't really want to lose the last 6 years over this.

Help??

**rcoreyus** · 12-31-2008, 03:35 PM

It is difficult to tell a miser from someone who is legitimately careful with their money in tough times. That 28K may be part of a future down payment on a house. But maybe he is just cheap.

Is he generous with things other than money?

If you have been with him for 6 years, maybe you need to discuss money - there are a lot of different ways couples handle money, and it can be a serious source of stress in a relationship.

Scha · 12-31-2008, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

It is difficult to tell a miser from someone who is legitimately careful with their money in tough times. That 28K may be part of a future down payment on a house. But maybe he is just cheap.

Is he generous with things other than money?

If you have been with him for 6 years, maybe you need to discuss money - there are a lot of different ways couples handle money, and it can be a serious source of stress in a relationship.

I'm not sure if he is a 'miser' or not.. He has always saved like this, regardless of whether or not times were good. I just don't understand not taking care of me... Granted those two things were very small, and definitely not 'necessary'.. But still =/

He is not generous with his time... he works too much. He is generous that he "lets me live in his house"...

I know we need to talk, but really what can I say? I just don't even know what to say without it coming off as me being a money grubber...

This is getting incredibly stressful on me tho - I feel like I am a unpaid / servant... Not getting many girlfriend perks =/

**WildChild** · 12-31-2008, 05:25 PM

If he won't get you a soda, he's not giving. How is the sex? Do you do all the work there too?

My ex was kind of like this, he would get things from the store occasionally but he kept track. Monitored my bank account, questioned purchases, during the divorce he brought up grocery purchases from a couple of years ago! Sounds alot like your guy.

What keeps you there? What is good about him or the relationship?

lilypad · 07-06-2009, 11:12 PM

I had this problem before and I realised it was because of the independant image i was giving out. Once we split up after 2 years he showered me with gifts more then he gave me over the 2 years. I would not even get birthday presents thats how tight he was! lol

I have learned over the years, it's not that we women want to get hold of their money, it's the feeling of being taken care of and protected and looked after. It's not about the money but the act of doing something for us.

If he is that cheap he will not be a good partner, long term partner either. I think you should talk to him about it. Maybe ask to play a game and write down all the things you love about each other and the things you do not love so much.... write down that he is too tight with his cash on one and he'll have to ask you about it...then you can spill and sort this out.

It can't go on because you are feeling resentment and it just gets worse

or plan B send flowers to yourself and say its a secret admirer LOL ok that was a joke! x

**Juda2oo9** · 07-10-2009, 04:21 PM

I'm sorry .... but seriously hun..............If your smart enough to understand the problem........ why are you underestimating your smartness is fixing it.........
He's a jerk...... and you're letting it happen to you. YOU. not him. YOU are putting up with waisting YOUr money on food and what not when his makes over 25/hour.....??
wake up sweety....... he's milking you, and will continue to do so until you put your foot down and kick his to the curb..........

come on ladies..........Ya'll know this......

**yellowpiXi3** · 07-10-2009, 04:47 PM

i lived with my ex and he was similar to that. I worked part time and bought groceries. He didn't contribute to anything...not even cleaning the house. He would call ahead and "ask" me and our roommate to clean what we can and he can "finish" up the rest...but did he? big fat NO. he bought groceries once and threw that in my face when I would say something.

Your bf has a right to his money. However neglecting your needs as a girlfriend is a big no no. He should be supporting you since you're in school he has more of a dispensable income than you do. My bf doesn't let me buy (even when i want to) food for us, since he knows I have stuff to pay off. And when I have the extra money I buy. Or I'll buy part of the groceries that him and I both share. Relationships are tough, especially when it comes to money. You have to be assertive and talk to your bf if its bothering so much. Take control!

**happy ending** · 07-12-2009, 09:57 PM

yes, he doesnt sound very nice. my sweetie is very careful with his money, definately doesnt splash it around, ie wears old clothes, buys all the generic brands etc but will treat me to a meal out. because we have a HUGE differance in our incomes, i have to be careful not telling him when i'm broke, because he offers to give me money. yours doesnt sound like a keeper. it sounds like he is using you, pretty much for what he can get.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-13-2009, 04:09 AM

The problem with this is upon marriage, your accounts will be separated, he will state but I pay the mortgage so the house is mine, regardless if you pay the food etc, equal to what he pays.

He counts his pennys and cents.

He feels what is his is his.

He feels that if you live there rent free you can pay for everything else you require.

It's not sharing... It's a fear from his side as well as "it's mine" he can't share.

This will not change in life, it's the way he sees things..

A little thing such as a bottle of wine he should buy and feel pleased that he gave.

He can't give.

6 Years is a long time, I get the feeling you feel that you "owe" him for letting him "live with him", you don't darlin.

You just share when your "together".

I would be hard on him and let him see that all relationships are about sharing, not what's mine is mine and then mine.

CW

DairyMilk · 07-13-2009, 06:44 AM

Hey, just go to him and tell him you re having money problems and after splitting your income b/w groceries/personal expenses you arent left with anything so from here on now we need to split the expenses, I'll be happy to bear 60% of everything since it's your place Im staying at, but you gotta help me with the remaining 40. If he cant deal with it then start eating out, stop doing grocery. God forbid if the relationship is gonna go down, make sure you know you did your part and took a stand atleast!

12-31-2008, 03:21 PM	#1
Scha Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 2	My boyfriend of 6 years is CHEAP. I just don't know what to do anymore.. He is so cheap! Let me sum it up quickly - My sweetie of 6 years works for HP. He has a very good job (25.00 hr+) and puts 500 dollars away in savings every single month. He has zero debt, not even a credit car or car payment. His house is actually his dads, though he makes the mortgage payments. He has approximately 28k in the bank. You would never know this from looking at him though. OR looking at me! The last two days I've asked him to get me two things, costing a total of 40 dollars. One was a vest HE thought I should have, and one was a bottle of wine. I ended up buying the vest for myself, and he is taking credit.. "Aren't you glad I made you get that??" . .... GRR! I love this guy a lot. I wanted the wine for New Years Eve celebrations. We're going to another couple's house and I felt like we should bring something... but he said if I want it, I have to pay for it. I, on the other hand, am buying all the groceries, cooking, and cleaning for him on my whopping 900/month. I'm a full time student besides. I totally feel like a shmuck. I feel like I'm being used. I don't feel taken care of. I can't even get him to go get me a soda. If I want it, I have to go get it. Help me figure out how to talk to him about this, because its seriously just about the last straw, and I don't really want to lose the last 6 years over this. Help??

07-10-2009, 04:21 PM	#6
Juda2oo9 VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Killeen, TX Posts: 31	I'm sorry .... but seriously hun..............If your smart enough to understand the problem........ why are you underestimating your smartness is fixing it......... He's a jerk...... and you're letting it happen to you. YOU. not him. YOU are putting up with waisting YOUr money on food and what not when his makes over 25/hour.....?? wake up sweety....... he's milking you, and will continue to do so until you put your foot down and kick his to the curb.......... come on ladies..........Ya'll know this...... __________________ ~Michele~

07-13-2009, 04:09 AM	#9
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,890 Blog Entries: 7	The problem with this is upon marriage, your accounts will be separated, he will state but I pay the mortgage so the house is mine, regardless if you pay the food etc, equal to what he pays. He counts his pennys and cents. He feels what is his is his. He feels that if you live there rent free you can pay for everything else you require. It's not sharing... It's a fear from his side as well as "it's mine" he can't share. This will not change in life, it's the way he sees things.. A little thing such as a bottle of wine he should buy and feel pleased that he gave. He can't give. 6 Years is a long time, I get the feeling you feel that you "owe" him for letting him "live with him", you don't darlin. You just share when your "together". I would be hard on him and let him see that all relationships are about sharing, not what's mine is mine and then mine. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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12-31-2008, 03:35 PM	#2
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,333	It is difficult to tell a miser from someone who is legitimately careful with their money in tough times. That 28K may be part of a future down payment on a house. But maybe he is just cheap. Is he generous with things other than money? If you have been with him for 6 years, maybe you need to discuss money - there are a lot of different ways couples handle money, and it can be a serious source of stress in a relationship.

12-31-2008, 05:25 PM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	If he won't get you a soda, he's not giving. How is the sex? Do you do all the work there too? My ex was kind of like this, he would get things from the store occasionally but he kept track. Monitored my bank account, questioned purchases, during the divorce he brought up grocery purchases from a couple of years ago! Sounds alot like your guy. What keeps you there? What is good about him or the relationship?

07-06-2009, 11:12 PM	#5
lilypad Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6	I had this problem before and I realised it was because of the independant image i was giving out. Once we split up after 2 years he showered me with gifts more then he gave me over the 2 years. I would not even get birthday presents thats how tight he was! lol I have learned over the years, it's not that we women want to get hold of their money, it's the feeling of being taken care of and protected and looked after. It's not about the money but the act of doing something for us. If he is that cheap he will not be a good partner, long term partner either. I think you should talk to him about it. Maybe ask to play a game and write down all the things you love about each other and the things you do not love so much.... write down that he is too tight with his cash on one and he'll have to ask you about it...then you can spill and sort this out. It can't go on because you are feeling resentment and it just gets worse or plan B send flowers to yourself and say its a secret admirer LOL ok that was a joke! x

07-10-2009, 04:47 PM	#7
yellowpiXi3 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: californication Posts: 290 Blog Entries: 8	i lived with my ex and he was similar to that. I worked part time and bought groceries. He didn't contribute to anything...not even cleaning the house. He would call ahead and "ask" me and our roommate to clean what we can and he can "finish" up the rest...but did he? big fat NO. he bought groceries once and threw that in my face when I would say something. Your bf has a right to his money. However neglecting your needs as a girlfriend is a big no no. He should be supporting you since you're in school he has more of a dispensable income than you do. My bf doesn't let me buy (even when i want to) food for us, since he knows I have stuff to pay off. And when I have the extra money I buy. Or I'll buy part of the groceries that him and I both share. Relationships are tough, especially when it comes to money. You have to be assertive and talk to your bf if its bothering so much. Take control!

07-12-2009, 09:57 PM	#8
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	yes, he doesnt sound very nice. my sweetie is very careful with his money, definately doesnt splash it around, ie wears old clothes, buys all the generic brands etc but will treat me to a meal out. because we have a HUGE differance in our incomes, i have to be careful not telling him when i'm broke, because he offers to give me money. yours doesnt sound like a keeper. it sounds like he is using you, pretty much for what he can get.

07-13-2009, 06:44 AM	#10
DairyMilk Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 16	Hey, just go to him and tell him you re having money problems and after splitting your income b/w groceries/personal expenses you arent left with anything so from here on now we need to split the expenses, I'll be happy to bear 60% of everything since it's your place Im staying at, but you gotta help me with the remaining 40. If he cant deal with it then start eating out, stop doing grocery. God forbid if the relationship is gonna go down, make sure you know you did your part and took a stand atleast!