Thread: So confused, Someone please shed some light

So i've been with my boyfriend for 6 months.

In the past six months we have gone through so many things that I feel I have grown as a person and we've grown as a couple.

These past few months have been so hard. I guess it's because we're past that "honeymoon" stage. We are both originally born in the same country, oddly enough we live in canada minutes away from each other.

The coincidence came that we were both coming back to argentina for the holidays, separate provinces. you see both his parents are separated and he came to visit his mother, while i came to visit my family whom i have not seen in 12 years.

He went through the trouble of asking my parents if i could take some time of my holidays here in B.A. to spend a few days over there and meet his family. My parents approved and what not.

So off i went. Before I left we spoke days earlier and he told me there was something he needed to speak to me about when I got to the airport. Something he had never told me before. When I got there, I was really happy and filled with joy that I was with him once again, thus we both suffer with chronic depression for years and easily fall down in a rut for anything.

When I got there, we went and sat at the airport bar and started talking. I've always been the kind of person who likes to get to the point(though this thread might be long, im so confused at the moment).

So i told him to stop beating around the bush and tell me what was going on. So he did.

In the past years before meeting me, he had been in a serious relationship before he left canada, he found out the chick got pregnant. He already had to leave. When he lived in Canada he did everything to send the girl money and was doing all the paperwork to bring her to the country. The girl took off to spain and only kept extortioning(sp?) money from his father and him.

He would still work his off for any amount that girl asked, but never had he seen a photo of that child nor did she ever mention being with him. In the end, with the cause of being burnt out and desparate for money, my boyfriend fell into a deep depression and when he needed his current girlfriend, she walked away and made it seem to everyone that he used that as an excuse to not want to give her money.

Two years passed and he never heard from him, until now that she is demanding more money. When he told me about this situation...I have to say, it killed me deep inside. Any woman who is deeply in love with someone, does not want to know that their loved one went through pain nor had someone else that they thought they loved more than now.

I have to say that i felt like i was a replacement.

He showed me that this wasn't this way and I was embraced greatly by his humbling family. It still itches me.

The issue now is...I have a past of not promiscuity but more of i was sexually abused and all those problems as a child brought me to be a woman who has always tried to look for love in the wrong places. More or so, men used this "i love you" on me when i was younger to get in my pants and leave.

Since I lost my virginity 3 years ago i've slepted with 3 guys...My boyfriend finds this very disturbing and tries to get past it. But it bothers him.

Today we were speaking about it and I finally came clean about everything in my past and why i am the way i am. When i entered the relationship, i entered with the wrong foot on the door, thus performing oral sex on the first date because he said he liked me (yes you can call me a if you'd like, i shake my head everytime i think about it).

In his eyes, he saw it very disrupting to see such a thing happening ..sometimes i wonder why he didn't tell me to stop...but carnal feelings i guess.

Anyways so we were talking about that. I asked him, how come he can tell me something about his past which most women will not easily let it happen(though it does hurt me) but i try to let it go but my past , he does not let go and gives him insecurities.

He said today "When I think of your past, I cannot see you as the mother of my children".

Hearing that hurts,I know he loves me, he's showed it and demostrated it many times. But it still hurts. He also said "maybe you love me more than i do because anything can happen and you will still love me regardless".

I feel this is a disadvantage to me and I know he can hurt me any second. He doesn't want to. When he gets like this, I instantly want to run away(my defense mechanism according to my therapist).

Logically, should I walk away from something we've both work so hard on and just because of doubts end this. Or should i stick around...

I truly love him and I can see him as my husband. He's proposed many times but it's too soon. Am I just making excuses...or is it not just me and it happens to many of you. Please help me..anyone
Love
CASTCLAU