to leave or not to leave...
lots of experience for me in this area. can't leave, my brotherS are all crack heads. my advise, make a FINS report for the son, notify all family members and remove yourself. You do not want to be a co dependent and you do not want to enable him. He cannot quit. It is physically impossible without being locked up, in a rehab or otherwise. He may want to but he won't be able to. Please save yourself and leave. You can still be a support to call, when YOU are available to him. Take control or be swept away in a lifetime of misery. I am sorry for the child but there are systems in place that can help. Besides, who wants a relationship based on guilt? Good luck and think of your life...and your future children.
he either needs to agree and then actually go to rehab, or you need to get out right away. for all of the reasons mention by in-need and other above.
I know it'll hurt leaving because of the boy, but do you want to be stuck with someone who cant see what he's doing to his own child and what could happen in the future?
Quick question: does "doing" meth in the same house as a child poison the child the way making it does?
I'd probably test the waters a bit, see if he's going to quit ... but the OP seems to be past that point. She's already asked him to quit, he's already doing the classic lying and hiding his habit. It's my opinion that she and his own son are both less important to him than the drug already. He won't quit because he doesn't want to. Maybe that sentence deserves a "yet" on the end, but that's something that has to be weighed out in the circumstance, and I can't do that.
But whatever you do, don't let your "love" blind you. He loves the drug. Another instance where I'd throw him under the bus, report him to some kind of authority, if perhaps not the police ... for his own good.
Wow In-Need, I didn't know the stuff exsisted then and I was around people who must have known. Thought herion or coke was the worst we had then. My first husband was obssessed with winning the BongAThon I pitched more than one fit about all the 'practice', I was told he quit after I walked out (don't know if he gave up the gfs too).
Thing is, no one will change unless THEY want to. You can't make them. You can talk, threaten, cry, scream, throw things - I tried them all - they will lie through their teeth or maybe they believe it when they say they'll quit but few people are strong enough to do what In-Need did and quit on their own. Depends on the person. I quit cigarettes by deciding not to do it any more, threw them away and that was it. (did it more than once though before they really and finally stayed quit). If the man is serious the paraphanalia will be thrown away, he will have to lose his old freinds, and it will take big changes and alot of inner strength.
In the meantime the poster needs to call social services or get the sister to take the little boy and she needs to leave. That doesn't have to mean just dumping the man by the wayside but she needs to remove herself and keep herself clean.
I wish i could offer you very helpful advice.. but I'd at least like to offer you my sympathies and tell you that you are very strong, and I'm glad that you are considering the feelings of his son. It's ahrd to say what kinds of change might motivate your boyfriend to stop his behavior. Maybe when you leave and he sees how much it breaks his son's heart... who knows. I feel as though you've taken much more pressure than you deserve onto your own shoulders in this situation because you are compassionate. I'm in full support of your leaving him, and I know this situation has been stressful enough, but please make sure someone makes arrangements for that poor little boy.
meth addict
I myself am 21 years old... and am in a relationship with a going on 28 year old. only difference is that i was a meth addict. or rather I am a recovering meth addict. And i can tell you form experience that when two people are in a relationship &the 1 does drugs and the other doesn't, it only gets worse unless the addict gets help. Im not saying that you should leave him. I think only you can make that decision.People telling you what they would do isn't going to help make your situation any easier unfortunately.As for the sister telling you not to leave cause things will get worse..well that's unfair on her part. shes obviously also scared and doesn't want to be left alone to handle the situation. [ Im also a sister of a older brother who did drugs for 10years]But its not your responsibility to help save someone who doesn't seem to want to help or save themselves. Try not to let this situation drag you down. As like myself, you are young and have so much to give to the world.Rather don't get yourself into a situation of being detective just yet.
I've done tons of research on the drug and know all the signs and stuff about the drug and what it does to you... he said he did it two other times before i busted him about it... and he pays 20 dollars per time .... i told him that is money he could of spent on his son Nathan. I watch every motion he makes and can tell if he is on it... next time I'm going to check him into rehab and tell him the things I learned that makes up crystal meth.. it is sickening to read the ingredients but here are some:
sodium hydroxide- used to dissolve road kill carcasses into coffee-like liquid.
anhydrous ammonia-used in fertilizer
iodine
matches-red phosphorous
Ephedrine
Ether-makes hypnotic effect.
Drano- sink clogging stuff
Brake fluid
Lighter fluid-butane
thank you for sharing your personal stories...
yes the ingredients in meth are horrific.yet that doesn't stop an addict. trust me. rehab is the best thing. doesn't matter how many times you've done the drug,the person will need help. I did the drug for 3years. the whole time whilst doing it,i new i was addicted. I got off the drug without rehab. But it was my own personal choice. no one asked. That's the thing, your boyfriend needs to want to stop the drug in in order to actually STOP.else nothing will work. Not even rehab. SO try get him to first admit the problem, once hes done that then he just has to want to stop and then the process of quitting can start. good luck.
chris, you have to ask yourself, can you live this way?
you should leave now, as he said he isnt addicted, but thats what all addicts say. he has a child and he does this stuff almost in front of the child, actually when your there watching his child.
doesnt that show how much this has controlled his life ???????????????????????????
if he doesnt stop, you may even become an addict yourself. the child may become one? the child may find his stash and OD on this junk. you will have financial problems, always be lied to, possibly things will turn to other drugs and get some kind of disease... or yet, you come home and find him dead.
there are so many "CAN HAPPEN" things that it just = NO GOOD.
you can not stay just because of a child. i hate to say it, but this child is not yours and he is showing little responsability for his own child, how is he going to show responsability towards you and if you have a child with him one day?
he can change, but from what you wrote, he isn't going to.
your best move is to leave and tell his sister to care for his child. i am sure he is a good person, but i see no good from what you say. he lied to you already once and now you have to keep up on him. you shouldn't have to.
maybe if you leave he might actually see that you mean business and he realizes that someone cares for him and he may stop. but to be honest, those chances are slim.
your a good person who is careing, loving and more, i can tell from you asking this question. but sometimes that isnt enough if you dont get it back. if he cared he would seek the help he needs to kick this habbit and have a great life with you and his son.
the second thing he needs to do is change his friends if they do this and/or supply him with this junk.
and if it that hard he may need to move away from everyone.
you have to think hard as it is hard to leave someone you love and a child also. but this is going to get worse as he lied and keeps doing it.
I am sorry to hear you are having to deal with this situation at such a young age. I agree that you have to separate yourself from him. He is probably doing this a lot more than you are aware of.
You might offer to attend couciling or rehab with him with no other contact. If he is willing to fully admit that he is addicted and needs help, there might be hope. He has to want this though. Right now he probably doesn't realize that he can't quit on his own. If you tell him you are leaving him, he is going to tell you that he loves you and won't ever do it again. Problem is, he can't quit on his own - he has proven that.
I'm sure he is a good person who has made some bad choices. Meth is very addictive. I did some drugs in my day but nothing like that. My cousin got hooked on meth, and managed to ruin her life (and my aunt and uncles life) for 3 or 4 years. What saved her is that she was arrested several times, and ended up out on probation. She was subject to random drug testing and had to call in at 5:30am every day to see if she had to come in to be tested. She failed once (for alcohol not meth - alcohol is not allowed either) and had to go back to jail. Basically her choice was that she could either be off meth in jail or off meth out of jail. She married a guy she met in rehab, which is kind of scary, but so far so good and she's been off probation for over a year now.
I honestly believe that if she had not been forceably separated from meth, she would never have quit. I pray she stays away from it.
Good luck, and hope that one way or another you will end up in a better situation sooner rather than later. Just do the best you can and understand that you can't be responsible for your boyfriend's actions.
JL
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