Boyfriend... meth.. stay or leave?
I'm giong to try and make this short.. but its complicated...
I'm 21 almost and he is 27.. he has a 4 year old son and I love both of them to death... he takes care of his son and the mother isn't around much.. she is a crack/pill head.. she is only 21 too...
I knew my boyfriend had experimented with drugs before.... myself, as well as his family, thought he had stopped doing drugs... they thought i calmed him down..
well on new years i caught him doing crystal meth.... i broke down shaking and crying because while he was doing that his son was in the room hugging on me and telling me he loves me and kept asking where daddy is... so it completely devastated me... i left for a walk and told his sister whom he is close to... him and i talked and he claimed he threw his pipe in the trees while i was out... he promised he would not do it anymore..
well things settled and during the last week I did some heavy researching on meth...
so sunday i noticed he kept going to the bathroom and the vent was on.. he also kept brushing his teeth... like he went to the restroom at least 4 times in 90 minutes. i heard the lower cabinet door creaking alot so when he came out i acted like i had to pee.. i checked in the cabinet and found the same pipe he had the first time i caught him... i left it there and acted like nothing was wrong... later that night the pipe was gone.
i confronted him about it civilized the next night... he said he isn't addicted and i got him to tell me where his pipe is... i now have possession of it. he says he hates to see me upset and won't do it anymore... after that he was the normal excited and cheerful man i fell in love with...i told him next time that he could end up in jail or rehab and i don't want him to go to jail. I told him he is blessed to have his son... and he is risking losing everyone over this high...
my officer friend gave me rehab and hotline numbers...
my question is ... should i leave him if/when I catch him again?? I find it hard because someone needs to be there for his son and his sister said it would make things worse if I leave him...
Also, his sister showed me a glass crack pipe in his room.. which i placed in a very distinct spot to see if its moved so i know if he is on that as well...
so WH what should I do?
LEAVE. NOW.
It's a terrible situation for the kid but you're a kid yourself. Do you really want to start your life out with a meth addict?! Really, come on. You can't help him, you can't save him, you can't convince him to quit. The best would be to contact child services and let them know of the situation and then leave and cut off all contact with the guy.
Seriously, if you stay, you're throwing your future away.
Unfortunately, I agree with Soupuss . I say unfortunately because you have become attached to the child.
He has already lied to you once, ( threw it in the gardens ) but he didnt. Off course the sister is going to try to talk you out of it, as she hopes he will change, she shouldn't be showing you more usuages for drugs, rather, telling him he's a waste and about to loose you.
He has lied... He will lie again, he's already addicted , 4 times in 90 minutes, hiding it from you...
People with addictions go onto other addictions as well, his ex was one, he is one, you don't need to be around this.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Christina I myself don't think you should leave just yet, I realize it's a bad scene. When I was much younger I was around that kind of environment. He's no doubt becoming addicted or is now.
I say this with not a passive mind but with a heart of mercy and compassion, I feel since it's not got what I would say out of hand that you should sit down with him when you know he's straight and in a good frame of mind and at least let him know that this is it, that you cannot tolerate it anymore and will have to leave if he does not seek help and quit the drug scene once and for all. You will have to be extemely tuff tho so he gets the picture that you are not fooling around, you mean business, mention his son and so forth.
It's not like he can't get straitened out and make things for the better, he can and by what you say he is a good man underneath. Most men that have drug or alcohol problems are, it's strange.
There's been many a women and men that have been salvaged with a little more time and patience, had they been left behind it could have been ruination for them.
If he don't show action then you leave, you must honor your word, that way he possibly will get help because he may come to realize he's ruining his life and loosing what he love the most, you see?
Good luck
If you leave the main concern must be for his son. Can you get his sister to intervene? Get him into rehab and take her nephew? He is too young to care for himself or to have a voice in this, someone must act for his interests. The man is an adult he has a choice - it he choses to be an idiot the child shouldn't pay.
In-Need, have you had any experience with meth? It's not like sitting down with an alcoholic and telling them that they are on the verge of losing it all and a light goes on and they go to AA.Originally Posted by In-Need
Christina I myself don't think you should leave just yet, I realize it's a bad scene. When I was much younger I was around that kind of environment. He's no doubt becoming addicted or is now.
I say this with not a passive mind but with a heart of mercy and compassion, I feel since it's not got what I would say out of hand that you should sit down with him when you know he's straight and in a good frame of mind and at least let him know that this is it, that you cannot tolerate it anymore and will have to leave if he does not seek help and quit the drug scene once and for all. You will have to be extemely tuff tho so he gets the picture that you are not fooling around, you mean business, mention his son and so forth.
It's not like he can't get straitened out and make things for the better, he can and by what you say he is a good man underneath. Most men that have drug or alcohol problems are, it's strange.
There's been many a women and men that have been salvaged with a little more time and patience, had they been left behind it could have been ruination for them.
If he don't show action then you leave, you must honor your word, that way he possibly will get help because he may come to realize he's ruining his life and loosing what he love the most, you see?
Good luck
Meth is a whole different ball of wax. The only thing I can compare it to is heroin. Only a heroin addiction is a slower process. Meth is a huge problem where I live. People usually go from a totally normal life to a full-on, strung out, hair and teeth falling out, no job, no house, selling themselves, stealing....in a matter of months. Literally. It's usually less than a year from the first time trying it to full blown gutter addict.
She needs to leave and she needs to leave now. Unfortunately, she's young and 'in love' so I'm afraid that won't happen.
Too sad.
I agree. But he's also not her child to make decisions for. I think she should notify child services and get out. She can't fix the situation by staying.
i know you will probably give him a few more chances but honestly honey GET OUT NOW, you are in every kind of danger, emotionally, physically etc. an addict cant give you the love you need, he cant even give it to himself. its a pity about his boy, but maybe you leaving, will give him the spur he needs to give it up.
I normally don't like to talk about my dark past when I was young, even here, because I know that the human mind has a tendency to prejudge 1 after they do, but I'll go ahead and stick my neck out this time. Maybe even for a lost cause but I'll take my chances. My answer to your question sourpuss about the Meth is yes. I was extremely hooked on it for 1 and 1/2yrs. I was 21. I had a cousin also that I use to get it from and also did it with, almost Lost his life.
Currently he is the Regional Mgr. for a very large Restaurant here in America and I went on to be a very Successful Account Mgr. both of us raising good family's and both of us have not touched it since. I also no that the Alcoholic just don't all of a sudden see the light just because you tell him he's ruining his life.
It is a very addictive drug, it's very deceptive because it makes you feel you have everything under control and that you have a life of euphoria.
But, there's another thing I learned about thru the Yrs. and that's called Mercy and another chance.
By what you have told us Christina he has not done anything or acted in any way that is outlandish. I do realize he could, when my cousin and I were hooked tho I never tho't once about hurting anybody or doing anything stupid other than being stupid about taking the drugs.
I't will not take more than an hour to have another serious talk with him and then the little time it will take to test his response for getting help. Both my cousin and I quit without any rehab. Were we just a 2 special people in the world, I don't think so!
Christina you know the situation better than we because you see him face to face everyday, you know him, you see his eyes, you hear his voice, you know his heart. Pray tell what will be wrong with giving this man another chance.
If everyone was truly in danger, yes I would say leave to. I've said this to others on other threads.
One thing that bothered me a little bit tho Christina is you should have never left that glass bowl out to see what he would do. It's no more than a reminder and a temptation, it was almost like setting him up. You should not do that!
People can and do make things right, do people fail and never get it right, certainly, many!
This has been my experience, for what it's worth.
I can see where you are coming from In-Need, truly I can, but then she has to actually get him in Rehab, because he is lying to her " I am not addicted", " I won't do it again" " I threw away the pipe". etc, etc.
And then there is this:
iIf and when he does it again should I leave him?broke down shaking and crying because while he was doing that his son was in the room hugging on me and telling me he loves me and kept asking where daddy is... so it completely devastated me...
She is 21... Just a child herself growing up to be an Adult yeah i know...
But if she "broke down" and was tormented and the sister of his is basically, trying to make her stay, everyone, including that child is putting a guilt trip on her, deliberately, or not knowingly. ie) The child.
The Mother is a druggie, off course, he has been for a long time.
I think you caught something other's didn't.
"The Mother is a druggie and he has custody of their son" So he must have been clean at some stage yeah?
So yes, I understand but truthfully, for a 21 year old to try to do this? On her own? And, care for a 4 year old whilst she is trying to get him to stop? On her own? His Sister and Family "thought" he stopped, they can't do it, can she? should she? Really? At 21?
See where maybe we are thinking?
Thanks heeps for sharing and there are no secrets here, we all might meet one day, hope we do us "regulars" haha... But, even then, there are no secrets, we are who we are and that's always going to be accepted as we all are Human.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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