Seeing a MUCH older man

**aksmit01** · 01-22-2009 10:38 PM

I am 19, so I know that I am technically allowed to be involved with whomever I choose, regardless of their age. Despite this, I feel unsure about the age difference between myself and a man I am currently seeing. These feelings do not originate from feeling uncomfortable around him, but from how I feel society perceives the relationship. I am attracted to him, as he is to me, so I feel as if I should say, ......society!" I've never been one to conform, but the age difference is VERY significant. He's 40. What is your advice about my situation?

**rcoreyus** · 01-22-2009 11:14 PM

I think a relationship with a big age difference is OK, but probably something you shouldn't consider as a life-long thing. When you are 50 and want to go skiing, he will be 71, and may not be able to get out much. If you have kids when you are 30, he will be 69 when they go to college.

But as a shorter term thing it can be OK. Be aware that there is a natural power imbalance - he has more experience, probably far more money, more social status. You may or may not be comfortable with that situation.

You will need to live with the worry that his interest in you is only physical. He will need to live with the worry that your interest is only financial. (Neither of those may be true of course).

So - I think it can work, but it is a bit of a mine field.

**Tabatha S.** · 01-23-2009 07:33 AM

It can work. For a while when I was younger I dated a guy that was a lot older. I think it was because he knew more about what women wanted than guys my age. Everything was good. No one ever asked if I was his daughter. To me age is just a number. If you love each other, it shouldn't matter... unless of course you're like 15 and he's 60, then there is a legal problem. *wink*

**Uneeklyme** · 01-23-2009 04:43 PM

Age really shouldn't play a big role in matters of the heart BUT... lets be realistic here. You can't even go out have a drink with him and if you do, he gets busted for contributing. At the family gathering your relating the story of this one time...at band camp... and he is talking about the economic crunch and its effects on the gas prices. Dude, I know...right. eh heh. 19 is legal for him but not by alot. What could you possibly have in common except the sex and in that case your his trophy. Look at the sweet young thing he bagged.

To each his own but you asked for opinions. Personally, when I see a barely legal teen with an older guy it makes me thow up in my mouth a little. Seriously, you just got out of high school. Your just starting your life outside. He has some miles on the tires and unless he is mentally delayed there is not a whole lot the two of you can relate to. Your whole life has been structured go to school, hang out stuff with an occasional party and prom to reflect on. He, at age 40 should be half way through a mortgage and have a retirement plan with a chunk of change in it unless he is that unstable.

**withered_rose** · 01-23-2009 08:52 PM

personally I have no room to talk because my fiance is 6 years older than me but when you have such a huge age gap like that, everyone has a valid point, you can make it work, it may not be accepted by society but what does it matter to you, but you are limited as to what you can do, you can't go out to a bar together, some people may even think that you are his daughter. so just think about it, save yourself the embarassment and everything, theres nothing wrong with it but how would you feel if some called you his daughter? or if you wanted to go to a bar you cant, I know what that's like and it sucks.

**tasha_correa** · 02-13-2009 10:48 PM

What is age but a number. lol, I know a bit cheese, right? But it is oh so true! My parents are 18 years apart and could NEVER be happier. SO, there for if you love him then love him for as long as it lasts no matter what the age difference is. Don't let society push you around. The way I see it society is more oppen with in the past few years than ever. People are excepting gays more, and we even have a black president. If you look at celeberties they are really digging dating people older than they are. So, society really isnt looking down on you. Be happy for finding love. Live in the moment with him, and enjoy.

**acerousme** · 02-14-2009 12:53 AM

Im going to say it out FLAT...
I dated a MUCH older man...
and it was fun, GREAT fun while it lasted...
Im not going to go into details...

But hey...does he make you happy??
They make a great point tho, love.
When you are out, people will be going
"what...the....Is that her DAD?"

age IS a number, but it is important as I have learned.

But in the end, you need to decided what YOU want.
NOT what society thinks, you need to make yourself happy.

seriously...you're young...the world is at your fingertips...
HAVE FUN!

**ThexMrs** · 02-14-2009 02:01 AM

I'm going to start out by saying that I have always been attracted to older men. I've dated men who ranged from 5 years older than me to 27 years older than me and all for the same reason. Maturity... I know what I want out of life and that is to be married and have a family. I've never been a partier, drinker, druggie, etc. I grew up very quickly and matured at an unbelievable rate. I feel that men who are older have gone through the party scene and are wanting what I want out of life. On top of that, older men are just plain SEXY!

I've heard it all when it comes to age. I've been told things like:

"You're just after him because he's financially set."

"You're going through a phase."

"You just want a dad because yours is gone."

The things I've heard are incredible and ALL WRONG.

My family has even said horrible things like:

"Your boyfriend is a rapist."

"Your boyfriend is just going after a hot young girl to bang."

"If I were his age and I could get a young girl to put out, I would too."

I mean, it's been endless.

I've gone through the whole thought process as well. I've asked myself questions such as:

What do we have in common?

Am I going to wake up one day (after marriage) and want a different life, a different mate, someone my age?

I will be X years of age when he is X years of age, will he be able to play with our kids, etc?

I've answered every single question honestly and my answer is that, THIS IS the man that I want to be with. I love this man and his age doesn't matter whatsoever. What other people think doesn't matter whatsoever. No one is going to take my happiness away.

You're only as old as you act.
You're only as old as you feel.

If you are happy then it doesn't matter what society says. Half of society is pretty messed up themselves. Lol.

Do what makes you feel good and what feels right. Trust your heart.

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