Thread: Girlfriend Communicates with guys she's had sex with!

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Why do I get the impression that you are an old soul and and she is a young soul.

That you are older than her.

That she is nieve and this is really the core of the problem and what you want to change, that's called maturity.

My-Space? I have guys on mine that I don't know ( they all have their shirts on) or do they? mmm... Anyways... Any of them that have become lets say a bit out of hand, I just don't reply to... But, I speak with a few of them and am glad, they are becoming "internet" friends...

As, I said, I think that your issue is "she is nieve" and you can't handle that, and therefore she gets jealous but can't understand why you don't like simular things that she projects.

CW

That sounds about right, now that you put it that way. The things she does are simply immature. I am only 3.5 years older than her.

If she was on here she would probably bring up that I had been speaking to my x-wife recently. Basically, throughout january. But the difference between how I did it and how she has done it with multiple guys is the communication we had about it.

For example, when I told her I wanted to call my X I did so before I contacted her. I explained to her the whole truth before I called her. I said that when we got divorced we didn't communicate about it and so I didn't feel like I had closure and that there was a chance that I still had feelings for her...but that I wasn't sure because I met my current girlfriend 5 months after the divorce and had not talked to my X since we started dating in order to make my gf feel safe.....so it had been 7 months since I had talked to the x. I told her that I had a strong feeling I needed to call her and even told her that there was a chance that I had feelings for her but was unsure. Which was the truth. I even would tell her about our conversations and I would forward her the emails we had during this period... I did this without her asking. In the end I sent my x an email telling her to move on and that I loved my girlfriend etc.....I even told my gf that I told my x that it was "the best five years of my life" u know? I didn't leave anything out, even the things that would hurt my gf. Obviously, she knew I was staying with her.

When she talks to guys it's always without communicating with me about it....it's always reactive not proactive. And there's always been alot of them.
It's always her telling me about what happened after it happened instead of before. She doesn't get that this makes the biggest difference (at least to me). She thinks it's worse for me to talk to an x wife even though I thouroughly explain everything first before I call her than it is for her to always be in communication with guys who want her and telling me about it afterwards. For me it's not as important what she's doing as it is that she's being upfront and totally honest about it. When she isn't I find myself spending my days at work wondering what she's really thinking.... her stories are always changing. Whether it's the only time I know she lied straight to my face about talking to an ex boyfriend when she had talked to him 2 hours earlier when I asked her about it.... then she came running back with a love note crying.... saying she didn't want to lose me is why she lied.. I think I've already gone over alot of the other examples.... in this thread and there are a ton more I've left out... it's a regular occurence although I will say it's got better slowly overtime. If she would have told me before hand that she thought she might still have feelings about him and needed to talk to him to be sure ahead of time. I would have been hurt.... but I would have got over it. It's the lie straight to my face that made it so horrible.

Now I"m a bit depressed. What are the chances someone will all the sudden get it? Or mature? I guess the decision I have to make is whether or not I'm willing to stay with her long enough she stops doing it... whether or not I can handle that. Everyone I know keeps telling me that people don't change. My sister always says "if she didn't change for 30 years would you be ok with that".

Are great relationships supposed to be this hard right from the get go? It started being tough by the 3 month mark .... which is when she lied.... and it has been tough since. I know relationships are tough but this is wearing me out.

You girls are tough cookies. Ten times more complicated than anything else! LOL! I guess that's what makes it all worth it.

They say that 3 months is the magic mark. It's when people stop putting up their fronts and start being their real selves. Maybe your real selves just don't match. Everyone has their crutches. For some people it's drugs, for some it's MMORPGs, and for some it's having old boyfriends lean on (what does it matter who she calls when you're "broken up?") It's a matter of deciding whether or not that crutch is acceptable to you and whether or not you can help the person get off the crutch. Whether that person WANTS to get off the crutch.
Once a couple starts to break up and make up, it turns into a vicious cycle. You're not in a relationship ... you're stuck in a rut. You don't have to settle for the first girl who makes ga-ga eyes at you after your divorce, just as she shouldn't settle for someone who has such vastly differing opinions about interaction with others.
Seems you two are just an awful fit.