Thread: Need help w/ friend!

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Pulling back a bit, standing firm in what you need, will do one of two things. 1. You'll see that the relationship was one sided or 2. She'll miss you and realize you're pulling away from her, and make an effort.

Either way, you win in the end because if 1 is the case, you certainly don't need to spend your time and efforts on someone like that, and if 2. then perhaps she'll learn her lesson.

"BD" has it right I feel and if you could go back and tell her that you really need to spend that time with your B/F it would be good. At least 1 day less. I don't know if you've totally committed.

I can understand her doing things like going away and such if that is her true goal, I've done those type of things too. It's good for anybody to get away period.

But you need your time too right? If you don't take care of your desires and needs, who will, right? G/L !

Understandably you care about her kids, but their HER kids, not yours. So if she can't find someone to watch them or take care of them, that's HER PROBLEM, not yours. If it were me, I'd completely ditch her on Valentine's Day. Say you're having an allergic reaction again - maybe that time she'd take you seriously, lol. You'd really shock her and give her the wake up call she deserves. Plus you'd be establishing some of your power back in the relationship.

As others have mentioned, it sounds like you've gotten into a relationship pattern in which you give endlessly and she takes everything. She's used to taking advantage of you and getting whatever she wants from you. You've said it yourself that she only seems to 'care' when she needs something since she calls without even inquiring or caring about you personally. You've got to get your boundaries and priorities back in place. Those would be 1. yourself (aka your health, your own personal time) 2. school and work commitments 3. YOUR family (not hers), 4. your significant other. No compromises on those. You don't even need to go into a lot of detail to soften the blow. Just say "I can't because my dad is sick. Sorry I can't help you." Or whatever. If she starts whining only listen to a little bit before cutting her off, empathizing at how tough it must be to have kids or whatever, and end the call. It sounds like she has complete control over the entire relationship - you need to take some of the power and responsibility back. YOU control what decisions you make, not her. Also, try testing her. If she calls to ask you something, keep it brief and surface and end it quickly. If she actually calls out of care and concern for you, then 'give' her more personally, be more friendly, like you normally are with her. It's just like disciplining a dog - give it treats when it does something good. She'll get the idea if she's smart - or cares.

Seriously I'd totally back out of the Valentine's Day thing. Your bf is going to go away for military duty soon - and she wants to dump her kids on you so she can go play with her estranged husband?! Completely not worth it. Completely insensitive and selfish of her to even attempt to ask.