Thread: Self-Esteem Issues

Pick up a copy of Shad Helmstatter's book, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, I think you'll find it helpful. People tend to voice objections to what you object to, so you have to watch it. A compliment is a gift, an appreciation and it hurts if you reject it. Have you ever tried to give someone a gift and had them hand it back to you saying, No, I don't want it? It is hurtful.

The correct response to a compliment is, "Thank You". That's it. No disclaimers, no explainations (I got it on sale - it's no big deal), just, "thank you". There are belief systems that teach the very wrong headed idea that it is better to give than receive.The truth is you need to do both - graciously. If everyone wants to give and no one is willing to recieive where does that put them? Giving feels good, if you want to help others feel good you need to not only give to them but also be willing to receive.

Guess what, no matter how attractive you are, no matter how perfect your body is (depending on your definition) there will always be someone else who you see as better. You have to love you as you are. I read a book written by a man for women about men and he made a very good point that men generally like women's bodies - in all sizes and shapes. It may be looks that create the initial draw but it's personality, intelligence and a host of other things that keep their interest - just as you might be attracted to a really good looking guy but if he is jerk it won't last.

Someone near and dear to me and very male explained the looking this way - looking at women is like looking at art, there is something interesting in most but that doesn't mean you really expect or want to do more than look. Porn really is a relatively new issue in that it's only been a couple hundred years that we've had the ability to make images with anything other than pencil or paint and only since the 80s that we've had readily available home video and even more recently we've had the ability to access anything online. When I was growing up sharing naked photos was very unusual, getting that sort of film develped was a problem and using a Polaroid was pretty obvious and pretty poor quality. Right now we are like kids sneaking cookies, some get tired of it faster than others, some end up fat lumps, some (usually sanctimonious) avoid it entirely. Anything thing taken to extremes is unhealthy and while most men enjoy some porn, they can also recognize that others take it overboard and don't have much respect for that. Unless it's obssessive it not a big deal unless you make it one.

The big boobs thing - men don't have them so they are facinated. Men and boys apparently think about stuff we don't. Just look at boys play. Little girls play house, they build things and then play with them, girl play is often fairly realtity based. Boys almost always destroy what they've made at some point, they blow things up, cut them to pieces, their heros aren't just brave, they are supermen who fly and have powers no human does, they create cars that turn into giant robots, they don't just save the farm they save the universe. Boys tend to go bigger than life in their fantasy and play, in some ways I don't think they change all that much as men. So they look at chesty morgan and drool a bit but they are quite happy to play with your A's. You are real and there. They know that what they are looking at in all those pics and vids aren't real. Watch some sometime - those women don't even fake it well, they look bored half the time.

You are real and worth being with or he wouldn't be there. But your negative self image could drive him and others away. Guys thrive on feeling like they can up your happiness quotient. Love yourself, so he can love you more. You are worth it!