Give and get nothing....

**tasha_correa** · 02-19-2009 04:55 PM

I need some help with my relationship. My boy friend and I get along so well. We have fun togther, laugh, and have our dates every once and a while. My friends say that we have the perfect relationship. I am always there when my boy fiend needs me and do what ever I can to help him out, but that is where the problem comes in. I give and give and some times I have a problem of my own, or I just need to talk about some things (who doesnt?). When ever I am really down and just need to talk, he has absolutly no time for me, not even on the phone for 5 minutes. I have tried to write him notes about it, e-mail, phone messages, and even on one of our dates I have brought it up. He avoids the subject compleatly and it winds up with one of us walking out. How can I get him to understand that I need him to listen when I have problems like I do for him? Any advice?

**yellowpiXi3** · 02-19-2009 07:13 PM

hi there.
sounds to me like your bf is a too much into himself to realize what a great person you are. has he shown you a thank you for all the things that you have done?

IMO, if he's not even trying to listen to you when you bring up your concerns; then get rid of the guy. you don't need someone that only takes from you. relationships are 50/50. if he can't even be there for you to vent; then what's to say if something big happens. will he just get up and leave? it's the little things that gives you a sense of how a person is.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-19-2009 07:24 PM

If you have asked him, as you did on a date to listen to you, and be there for you and he won't. It is time to move on. You deserve to be happy, you deserve someone that enjoys being there for you when needed the way you feel when he needs you.

We waste so much time seeking to get something from someone that they are incapable or just flat out refuse to give. Someone that cannot for whatever reason be able to at least hold your hand and attempt to lift your spirits when you are down, isn't worthy. They just aren't.

It sucks to hear, but when you care about someone you want to be there for them. His inaction to be there for you shows he doesn't care. Now if you hadn't brought it up to him and are just hoping he reads the signal..then take back what I just said because guys are horrible at figuring out when we need them. But if you asked, and he refuses.. then sweetheart you have someone way better out there you can be giving your heart to.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-19-2009 07:30 PM

From your posts, your very level headed, have your head screwed on the right way, probably need to take your own advice that you give others here, I think.

You say you've even tried, text messages, emails, even out on a date, bought it up.. What is it that is bothering you that you feel you need to bring up?

It's all well and good to say get, go but your not saying "what problems"..

Are these communication problems you are having difficulties with him personally? If so, he hates confrontation and so you have to find a different way of expressing these problems.

Or, are you talking about anything and everything, problems... And, if so how many "problems" do you feel arise daily, weekly that you feel you wish to discuss with him?

Also, do you have other outlets, certainly your "man" should be there if you need to discuss a problem but if you have quite a few that you often feel that you want to bring up, then perhaps he is ignoring , hoping that you will stop stressing over little things...

As, you haven't exactly stated, it's not black and white, so difficult to give an opinion.

CW

**vintage_butterfly** · 02-19-2009 07:36 PM

I am sorry to say I have to agree that if he can't return the favor of listening to what you have to and need to say then he probably will never listen to what you feel you need to say. When you need to vent about something extremely important -- is he going to be there? Why are you the one dropping your life to deal with his problems, but he can't return the favor?

You need to reevaluate your relationship and see if he's really putting in his share to making it worth. The effort can't be one sided. Yes, he makes you laugh, but he isn't also doing the emotional support a relationship needs. You and he need to have a serious discussion and if he ignores the issue, say I am sorry, but if you can't take even five minutes to listen to me I can't be with you.

Good luck.

**tasha_correa** · 02-19-2009 09:14 PM

I dont have problems all the time. Maybe about once ever 2 months I feel the need to bring something about. Normaly it isnt even about him, or our relationship. The problem usually school related (college), or some drama my mom is trying to start with me that will effect him in the long run. I do not feel that I even nag about the problem that arises, I just need to hear his oppinion on the subject, and to let him know that if I am in a bad mood it is nothing that he has done wrong.
I have been with him for 3 years and I compleatly understand why you guys tell me to dump him, but it is SO hard. Yes, I know that my happiness is more important, but some times it is so difficult to travel out side of a comfort zone. We have date night every Friday nigh, so I will bring this up with him over some dinner and I will deffinatly let you guys know how things turn out. Thank you so much for your support and advice, I greatly apritate it!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-19-2009 09:19 PM

Sorry for the questions, haha.

No, but seriously, sometimes you have to oliminate, ....

Well, sweet, he needs to play the team.. Relationships are about communication and you should always be able to talk to your partner about anything.

If he doesn't want to step up to the table, then seriously, it can only get you down and keep doing so, over and over and over, so maybe he needs a wake up call...

If communication is not in a relationship it will fail...

Tell him how you feel point blank, no if what's buts, it is how it is...

CW

**tasha_correa** · 02-19-2009 09:22 PM

Don't be sorry for the questions. If there were no questions there would be no answers, and there for no help from you guys. Ask away!

Thanks for the advise.

**thack** · 02-19-2009 09:52 PM

I hope everything works out whatever you do. Sometimes a guy thinks he's being there and doesnt know that its not enough, open-ness may help this, not subtle hints.

I dont know if you have tried that or not.

**tasha_correa** · 02-19-2009 10:09 PM

How open do you think I should be? I have told him, "I really need to talk to you, and it is nothing that you have done wrong.", but yet he still blows me off. I have tried other things along that line so that he wont think that I am trying to have one of those dreaded relationship talks, but I'm always getting blown off for some thing else. How do you think I should talk to him about it? I would really like your insight.

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