I have also told him I would never do anything to harm him. (Although he is hurt by the first incident I explained previously.) And I have definitely expressed that I love him unconditionally.
One last thing, he has said I should get new friends here, and what do I really have to talk about with the ones from back home.. That he wouldn't care if I had new good friends. So that goes back to my original question... Is it reasonable he think that way about my old friends since he seems "ok" with any new friends I might ever get?
It's all to do with the guys back home....
If he doesn't care if you were to make "new friends" at all....and he hasn't stipulated screening them to ensure they are "not a bad influence", then it's all about the guys back home.
I suspect he doesn't even know your female "old" friends at all to be able to judge whether they are a bad influence of not.
Do you miss these girls?
Were you close to them?
Then tell him that you will make new friends, but "Kym and Karen" from where you lived, you intend to talk with as they were close friends, and you have no problem if he's in the room, when you do.
I think he's in-secure and feels he will lose you to this other guy as to why he is keeping you from talking to them.
If it was total control, he wouldn't want you to find new friends at all.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
No he doesn't know the girls from back home. He just believes that they will be like the best friend that I quit talking to, because of her habits and the way I lived before I met him. I have grown up a lot since meeting him, let's just say that. He just has a real lack of trust when it comes to me and the guys from my past, because of the incident and how I kind of lied to him about my past. I didn't want to tell him because I wanted a new start with him. In the beginning he dragged it all out of me and thinks I could easily revert back to who I was then, when I have no desire to.
I do miss the girls and I know that he is really insecure about everything. As I mentioned before, he doesn't like me listening to certain types of music because he thinks it stereotypes a person. Or watching tv shows like Sex in the City or certain movies that are like that because of the influence. Even when i tell him they are just shows or music. Ugh.
So even when I basically tell him what you suggested, it's a fight every time, and I stay in the rut.
Also, I don't think he thinks he will lose me to the other guy, since it's been almost two years since I've spoken to him now, but that he has such a lack of trust for me or something. Either way you look at it, the whole situation sucks!I think I'm going crazy!
because of her habits and the way I lived before I met him. I have grown up a lot sinceOkay so in reality you were a lets say "free spirit" a couple of years ago, you fell for this guy but also knew that he was a "good guy" so you omitted to tell your past to him, you didn't lie about it, it's your choice as to whether you discuss or not, however, he wanted to know about your past and so eventually, it all came out and as such, he doesn't have much time for your "friend" and yes, people can re-visit who they were, but yes, people can change as well.because of the incident and how I kind of lied to him about my past. I didn't want to tell him because I wanted a new start with him. In the beginning he dragged it all out of me and thinks I could easily revert back to who I was then,
It sounds more like protection, against you going back to a way in which would destroy him, as that past would mean that you would cheat and that girlfriend would be a bad influense on you, in his mind.
So, what he needs to see, and a bit more time may provail is that you aren't going to make excuses for anything you did in your past, it belongs to you, however, he needs to see that you are faithful and loyal and love him and quit worrying about you going in any other direction.. You've grown, matured and want to be with him.
I sense fear in him that by going back into any of your past, (which you say you initially lied about), but i suspect omitted to discuss, which again understand, anyone that comes into your life doesn't have the right to know about your past, unless you want to tell them, as past is past, but i sense that he has a fear of losing you and therefore, is still controlling, but in a mannerism as to ensure his relationship with you.
He's got to learn to trust you and that you are with him because you love him and have no intentions of being a free spirit.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
It sounds to me like you guys aren't very compatible. He's 'old-fashioned' as you said, you have completely different ideas about friends, tv shows, and music - which is fine in and of itself, but he's crossing the line by going so far as to force you to think and behave just like he does. He's not allowing you to be YOU. Why exactly did he like you initially anyway? I wonder if you presented yourself as someone different from who you actually are (esp since you said you didn't tell him about your past).
I wonder if you did manage to make some new friends if he would somehow find fault with them too. Maybe they're 'too wild' or a 'bad influence' too. He can easily say he's fine with you making new friends because you haven't taken him up on it yet.
If he can't accept you for who you are, the things you've done, and the friends you choose, then I don't think your life would ever be happy or fulfilling as long as you're with him. You may even begin to resent him - he gets the freedom to think and act as he pleases, but you have to constantly walk on eggshells and feel insecure about every single thing, wondering if it's 'right' or if you're making a mistake somehow.
Living together and having mutual obligations isn't really a sufficient reason to give up a fulfilling live in which you're free to be yourself and live by your own principles and convictions, in my opinion.
Start saving the money to move out on your own then. You cannot allow your well-being, personal freedoms, and god given rights to be shackled by somebody else. That is NOT right. That is NOT true love. There are way too many of his own in-securities influencing your relationship with him, and he is CONTROLLING you. It is unhealthy and unfair, and I believe that you understand that.
I would leave. That's what I personally would do. If you want to give the relationship another shot, you have to lay down the line here. He is in no position to order you around, tell and pressure you into who you can and cannot talk to. Ridiculous! You are your OWN human being.
Tell him what you want and if he doesn't learn to begin the healing process of controlling and balancing out his own in-securities, then look out for yourself and get out of there. It can get much worse, as if it isn't allready though!
I hope you the best and let us know!
Hey everyone. Thank you for your support and suggestions. I am in contemplation mode as to what I need to do for myself. I am not making any rush decisions, as I don't want to make the wrong decision. I love him and am hoping as time goes by things will slowly improve. We "talked" over the weekend (it was more of an alcohol confidence influenced rush of emotions) and he didn't really get mad about me mentioning talking to friends from home. I also mentioned how I feel about soem things and he said he knows and he's sorry and want's to make things better. I've heard that before but maybe hearing it again and again will make it sink in.
But, I still am unsure how I would go about that seeing as how some of them are actually with/dating people I used to. I don't really want to hear about that part or anything, but it's kind of hard when everyone knows everyone and are all friends.
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