anxiety? Question

**blonde3737** · 03-01-2009 03:18 PM

Just a question for everyone.....

My boyfriend & i were on the phone today and I was talking to him about our jobs and whatever and at 1240pm, we got off the phone and before we did, I said " Are you home" and he said yeah. Then I talked to him online around 330 or so and I said wow im surprised when I talked to you earlier that you werent interupting me to say hi to your dog (because he usually stops talking to me for a minute because the dog is barking because my bf is home). I told him if you were home, wouldnt your dog bark the door and he said he wasnt home yet. So sometimes he sits in his driveway while talking to me so that he doesnt get distracted by his mom and dog greeting him the door and he actually will sit in driveway, chat then go in the house. So, I asked him I thought you were home? He said I dont remember. I said " It was less than 3 hours ago that I talked to you and you said you were home and he said did i" and I said yeah you definetely said that and he said he didnt remember and I said you dont remember if you were home or if you were driving home or if you were in the driveway or what??? and he said " If you said I was home and i said yeah then I was probably driving close to home or in the driveway".

I think I am over reacting about him forgetting, but as myself..I dont forget where I was , what i was doing in less than 3 hours ago. For example right now, its 417pm and 3 hours ago, I was watching a lifetime movie here in my bed.

I just think i get anxiety sometimes because i feel like he gets irritated with me asking him the same question 2x so he just says i dont know, i dont remember etc. ( ex. i thought you said you were home, where were you and he said i dont remember if i was home yet or not" obviously he probably wasnt in the house yet, he was probably driving home or in the driveway right??

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-01-2009 03:28 PM

Stranger, long time no see.

Wow, you two are still together, don't you think that's fantastic? I do......

he was probably driving home or in the driveway right??

In one word?

YEP.....

It's not that he forgets, sweet, it's that you question everything all the time and confuse the shirt out of him haha.

Glad that you realise that it's your Anxiety and that he probably was nearby or in the driveway which in reality, is home, I would say the same thing... Cause i'm there, almost.... and no longer at work..

CW

**blonde3737** · 03-01-2009 07:54 PM

Hey chandlers wish,

yes it is fantastic that we are still together. Thanks. I have been so much better and i dont question him on every detail on everything. I just had a lot of built up anxiety the time I think. But I actually have some medication (lorazapam) that just helps to slow me down

.

But in this scenario, I just hate how he forgets the smallest things, lol but then I talked to mother and im like do you remember what you were doing 2 hours ago she said NO I cant even remember 2 minutes ago sometimes.

I was just frusterated because it was only a 2 hour difference and he forgot if he was driving home from work, or in the driveway after he had told me that he was home. But I probably confused the out of him, your right

**blonde3737** · 03-01-2009 07:55 PM

Sometimes he does point out that im confusing him talking about the same issue more than once hahahah.

your always on here to respond huh? You should get paid as a therapist for all of the advice you give.

**kms** · 03-02-2009 12:13 AM

Why exactly are you questioning him on every single detail...? Is it that you don't trust him? Do you have evidence that he might have been with a girl or something? Either way it would be really annoying for him to be questioned at every move - I would also start answering with "I don't remember" just to avoid all the questioning, especially since it's so trivial and unimportant.

Plus, even if he did remember, it's just easier to say "I'm home" instead of "I'm right at the street before I turn right onto the street I live on."

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-02-2009 12:23 AM

I think he didn't remember because it was not an important detail, I find that when someone lies... they are ELABORATE... oh you didnt hear the dog because he had a toothache and we took him to the vet that sedated him and thats why no barking, but I was in when you called it was 1240 i remember exactly where i was , in the kitchen making a bowl of wheaties.. etc

But when its the honest truth its usually less elaborate, less memorable. People that feel guilty or are hiding something tend to cook up huge schemy lies to cover tracks. You have nothing to worry about. And quit stressing yourself out, if he is going to cheat on you - he will do it whether you question his every move, or give him all the freedom in the world. People will do what is in their nature to do. If he's a good honest faithful boyfriend he will be that whether you give him all the freedom in the world, or question his every move..

However... even a good honest faithful boyfriend can be pushed to the edge if they feel they can't breathe without being asked which direction from which they took a sip of air. Do you know what I mean? Plus , once you learn to let go and not obsess over the lil things like "is he being faithful" you can relax and just enjoy being happy with a really cool guy, no stress.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-02-2009 01:46 AM

Hopeless Dork
I think he didn't remember because it was not an important detail, I find that when someone lies... they are ELABORATE...

Well said.

kms
Do you have evidence that he might have been with a girl or something?

No evidence as he loves her to death, may I suggest you click on the OP's name, and view all threads to gain an idea of where she is.

Blonde3737, It was my pleasure then, it's my pleasure now and I must say based on your replies here this time, you've grown alot...

Hope you feel pleased with yourself.

CW

**blonde3737** · 03-02-2009 09:24 AM

Thanks Ladies,

I do appreciate your help. As chandlers wish said KMS, their has never been evidence that my boyfriend has cheated on me and I know he wouldnt either. Him & I love each other very much. It is my anxiety problem and my insecurity for no reason in which I question him sometimes. I used to as if you look up my old threads,i would question him reguarding anything & everything. I guess this time around, I just wouldnt let it go of his forgetfulness. And your right "Hopeless Dork", people who lie tend to be more elaborate and have a big old story to cover up what is it that their lying about

. He does forget some things sometimes but don't we all forget. and your also right HOPELESS DORK", even the best boyfriends and most faithful ones can get pushed to the edge and find another woman or totally break it off because they feel as if their is no room for them to breathe. But I must assure you, that I dont push my boyfriend, I mean I used to question him on everything but we were arguing all the time and I realized that it was me who was starting all of the problems.

Ladies, thank you for your help. I feel a lot better now

.

Does anyone else suffer from some type of anxiety issue? Or is that for a whole new thread?

Hey chandler? Whats OP stand for? Operator? I know your telling the ladies to look my threads to see how insecure I used to be? I just wasnt sure what OP meant? i think it means operator? ha-ha

**kms** · 03-02-2009 09:51 PM

OP stands for original post / poster, I believe.

Are you on any meds for anxiety? If so do you think they are helping? It seems that your anxiety issues are interfering in at least one of your important relationships, so being on an appropriate medication would be very helpful to keep it under control. Have you also tried counseling? Studies show that a combination of medication and counseling is the most beneficial overall, as opposed to just doing one or the other. Anxiety is typically caused by something underlying, which could be insecurity as you've said - but insecurity is usually caused by something else. It would be life changing to explore counseling if you haven't already to help you get to the bottom of all this and to make your life a lot easier and more relaxing.

**blonde3737** · 03-03-2009 11:39 AM

Hey KMS,

Thanks for your advice again!. I am on medication for anxiety but it is only a small dose so I am requesting a little bit higher. I have done counseling before but didn't really feel that it was beneficial for me. Perhaps, it was the counselor whom I had wasnt that great which made the experience not so good. I am actually a mental health counselor myself which I am really good at. Haha but everyone needs help themselves once in a while.

You said that insecurity is usually caused by something else? What kind of example would you refer to???

I have had boyfriends in the past nothing serious. But I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 years, since I was 14 and Im 21. He really is great! Hes never hurt me before except there was one point in our relationship where he was looking dating sites and porn sites. He said he was curious. Porn may be normal to a certain extent but the dating sites he said was a cofidence booster but it was more of the fact that he was curious that hurt. He had told me about that and we have worked on building his confidence more since then.

I think that my insecurity with him most likely came from his curiousity factor at 1 point. I have talked to him about how he feels towards me after these years and he says that hes not curious about anyone else and that he hopes to be with me forever. If you read my original post, we did break up for 3 months because i made some mistakes but since that break up, which was 2 1/2 years ago, we are a lot stronger. From the original post, you will see that I had told this website about he had a 1 night stand while drinking one night with his co-workers, he ended up having sex when he drove her home, she asked him to come up. He thinks that he was very vulnerable because obviously he was still hurt from me hurting him yet she asked him if he would like a drink, him or her, i dont know who made the decision but, i think she said if your tired go lay in my bed and he did . She then came in naked and they had sex.. So his 1 night stand happened and i couldnt let that rule my life because he did it when we were not together. He used to work with the 1 night stand woman but she has a job somewhere else now but he told me she comes in to the grocery shop which anybody would do once in a while and she will say hello or he will say hello and thats it.

Anyways, I think insecurities have developed from the porn sites/ datingsites (at the beginning of our relationship). I told him that when he was watching all that porn online, I felt like I wasnt doing a good job in bed but I told him if he ever wants to try something, to talk to me and he was happy about that.

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