workplace attraction

CuriousInCollege · 03-02-2009, 07:51 PM

Ok, so I've been working in this restaurant for almost two years now. I had a crush on a fellow server when I first started, but since then it just kind of fizzled out and that was that...

Until this weekend. For some reason, on saturday as we were stuck there all day it was absolutely obvious to the both of us that we had a ridiculously strong sexual attraction going on. It hit like a ton of bricks and was out of my control. On sunday, myself and about half of my coworkers went out to celebrate a birthday. The alcohol was abundant (and all on my bosses tab) and I was feeling confident...so I approached my coworker and asked him if he wanted to go hook up. He accepted. We proceeded, except were cut short given the venue was the ladies room and he had to make a break for it. Getting caught was absolutely not an option. Both of us really want to finish what we started and work together about twice a week.

Now let me tell you what the problem is...he's engaged and I've had a boyfriend for two and a half years. What *snipped by mod* should I do??

**Beautiful Disaster** · 03-02-2009, 10:11 PM

Let me ask you this, what do YOU think you should do? I know you come here for answers, but tell me what YOU think you should do.

CuriousInCollege · 03-02-2009, 10:17 PM

What I should do and what I want to do are two totally different things...

I know I shouldn't be hooking up with a coworker, much less an engaged one, while im in a relationship. But this isn't an emotional issue with feelings involved between myself and my coworker. It's literally just about sex which I feel like makes it different...almost like it's not as bad as emotionally cheating (which is probably total b.s.) Myself and the coworker have similar feelings about cheating...this is about me and him it has nothing to do with my relationship or his relationship. I guess my main issue is, how can I talk myself out of it and still work with this guy knowing that all we wanna do is rip each others clothes of?

**WildChild** · 03-02-2009, 10:23 PM

Lets rephrase what BD said just a bit. If your bf did this and you found out, how would you feel about it? If you were engaged to the other guy and he did this and you found out how would you feel? How do you think his fiancee will feel if she finds out?
Part of being adult is learning that don't have to and cannot act on every impulse we have. Go ahead get horny at work then go rip your bfs clothes off and seduce him!

**Richard S** · 03-02-2009, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CuriousInCollege

Now let me tell you what the problem is...he's engaged and I've had a boyfriend for two and a half years. What the #$%$#% should I do??

Beam yourselves into a Star Trek parallel universe where the both of you can explore your attraction in a consequence-free environment.

Oh wait, we haven't invented those yet. Try to be cautious and careful, but at the same time throw yourself freely into the passions of the moment.

No one is going to advise you on how to compromise with your own integrity, or how to encourage someone else to do the same. That's like giving financial advice. Only you know your risk-tolerance level. Or, do you?

I would dare to say that there are lots of happy marriages out there where the last act of non-monogamy was a fling. Tell him you want to be his last act as a free man. But be ready to let him go. Know when to say goodbye, and don't look back.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-03-2009, 12:32 AM

You asked for opinions, and personally I think both of you have already compromised the trust of your significant others, even if you went no further.

Stop and think for a second how you would feel in your boyfriend let himself get lured into a restroom with a hot co-worker and would have done the deed if not only for an interruption and is now walking around fantasising about it and trying to find ways to justify it.

If that wouldn't bother you one bit, then you might want to talk to your boyfriend about having an open relationship. I'm sure this guy's fiance would be heartbroken. I don't understand a lust for someone so strong that you are unable to control. There are people that everyone lusts after say a hot celebrity for some reason.. they can't be with them because well.. they are a hot celebrity, so they hold the fantasy and move on with their real lives. Why is it that just because something is attainable, that you should do it.

People are not animals, we are capable of controlling our sex drives, and if we can't thats a whole other issue. I know you didn't call in for the morality police, but I say just try to step back and put yourself in everyones shoes.

No human is without fault, mistakes happen..heat of the moment bad decisions that can sometimes ruin relationships, this is no longer a heat of the moment decision.. this is you actively considering an affair, albeit brief. It's you conciously deciding to be unfaithful and risk hurting your boyfriend, this man, and also his fiance. Is the possible orgasm worth it? Only you can decide.

Kung Fu Kitty · 03-03-2009, 07:35 AM

again...was a condom used? if both of you are so free and easy to run into a bathroom with someone you hardly know and get it on...can you honstly tell yourself he doesnt do this often? if he didnt use protection with you..maybe he didnt use protection with the girl he was with last week,or the girl the week before that..etc etc...does this make sense to you?

308dulce17 · 03-03-2009, 09:18 AM

all I would tell you, its not grat to be in your place, I had a "crush" on this guy I met even before I met my husband, we had feelings for each other but for some x reasonwe could not be together. I found him after 5 years and the same its happening. but since I am not prepare to have my heart broken I just stay away from him, I am not prepared for my husband to do the same thing to me, so I just dont do it, there is pretty good rule out there> !! dont do whatever you dont want others to do to you!!

**SinisterUrge** · 03-03-2009, 05:13 PM

1. Don't dip your pen in company ink (Or don't dip company pens in your ink). Get him fired before you screw him.

2. Ladies room?!? If Johnny GoodTimes wants to get a lil' something-something AND he has a fiance' he can well pony-up the cash for a motel room. Cheap jerk.

**mewhenim** · 03-06-2009, 12:32 AM

don't do it. You'll be able to get over it, although if you started, the dammage has really already been done. Cheating is a horrible thing, I have been lied to and misled plenty of times, but that's the one that really hurts me. I'm not here to judge you, I'm just going to encourage doing what I'm sure you know is right. If this has gone past the moral issue, than I guess go for it, but be prepared for the problems it will bring at work and at home, and be aware there is a good chance both will crash at the same time, leaving you feeling like . If you can get past it and hold out a bit longer I'm sure it will fade. I thought I liked another guy and held out untill those feelings died, it was hard, but I'm still able to say I've never cheated and I'm proud of that.

03-02-2009, 07:51 PM	#1
CuriousInCollege Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5	workplace attraction Ok, so I've been working in this restaurant for almost two years now. I had a crush on a fellow server when I first started, but since then it just kind of fizzled out and that was that... Until this weekend. For some reason, on saturday as we were stuck there all day it was absolutely obvious to the both of us that we had a ridiculously strong sexual attraction going on. It hit like a ton of bricks and was out of my control. On sunday, myself and about half of my coworkers went out to celebrate a birthday. The alcohol was abundant (and all on my bosses tab) and I was feeling confident...so I approached my coworker and asked him if he wanted to go hook up. He accepted. We proceeded, except were cut short given the venue was the ladies room and he had to make a break for it. Getting caught was absolutely not an option. Both of us really want to finish what we started and work together about twice a week. Now let me tell you what the problem is...he's engaged and I've had a boyfriend for two and a half years. What snipped by mod should I do?? Last edited by Fallen1; 03-04-2009 at 09:51 AM. Reason: Edit language

03-03-2009, 09:18 AM	#8
308dulce17 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 26	all I would tell you, its not grat to be in your place, I had a "crush" on this guy I met even before I met my husband, we had feelings for each other but for some x reasonwe could not be together. I found him after 5 years and the same its happening. but since I am not prepare to have my heart broken I just stay away from him, I am not prepared for my husband to do the same thing to me, so I just dont do it, there is pretty good rule out there> !! dont do whatever you dont want others to do to you!! __________________ dulce

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03-02-2009, 10:11 PM	#2
Beautiful Disaster Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States - Kentucky Posts: 337	Let me ask you this, what do YOU think you should do? I know you come here for answers, but tell me what YOU think you should do.

03-02-2009, 10:17 PM	#3
CuriousInCollege Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5	What I should do and what I want to do are two totally different things... I know I shouldn't be hooking up with a coworker, much less an engaged one, while im in a relationship. But this isn't an emotional issue with feelings involved between myself and my coworker. It's literally just about sex which I feel like makes it different...almost like it's not as bad as emotionally cheating (which is probably total b.s.) Myself and the coworker have similar feelings about cheating...this is about me and him it has nothing to do with my relationship or his relationship. I guess my main issue is, how can I talk myself out of it and still work with this guy knowing that all we wanna do is rip each others clothes of?

03-02-2009, 10:23 PM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	Lets rephrase what BD said just a bit. If your bf did this and you found out, how would you feel about it? If you were engaged to the other guy and he did this and you found out how would you feel? How do you think his fiancee will feel if she finds out? Part of being adult is learning that don't have to and cannot act on every impulse we have. Go ahead get horny at work then go rip your bfs clothes off and seduce him!

03-03-2009, 12:32 AM	#6
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 1,238	You asked for opinions, and personally I think both of you have already compromised the trust of your significant others, even if you went no further. Stop and think for a second how you would feel in your boyfriend let himself get lured into a restroom with a hot co-worker and would have done the deed if not only for an interruption and is now walking around fantasising about it and trying to find ways to justify it. If that wouldn't bother you one bit, then you might want to talk to your boyfriend about having an open relationship. I'm sure this guy's fiance would be heartbroken. I don't understand a lust for someone so strong that you are unable to control. There are people that everyone lusts after say a hot celebrity for some reason.. they can't be with them because well.. they are a hot celebrity, so they hold the fantasy and move on with their real lives. Why is it that just because something is attainable, that you should do it. People are not animals, we are capable of controlling our sex drives, and if we can't thats a whole other issue. I know you didn't call in for the morality police, but I say just try to step back and put yourself in everyones shoes. No human is without fault, mistakes happen..heat of the moment bad decisions that can sometimes ruin relationships, this is no longer a heat of the moment decision.. this is you actively considering an affair, albeit brief. It's you conciously deciding to be unfaithful and risk hurting your boyfriend, this man, and also his fiance. Is the possible orgasm worth it? Only you can decide.

03-03-2009, 07:35 AM	#7
Kung Fu Kitty Banned from WH Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Maine Posts: 126	again...was a condom used? if both of you are so free and easy to run into a bathroom with someone you hardly know and get it on...can you honstly tell yourself he doesnt do this often? if he didnt use protection with you..maybe he didnt use protection with the girl he was with last week,or the girl the week before that..etc etc...does this make sense to you?

03-03-2009, 05:13 PM	#9
SinisterUrge Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 423	1. Don't dip your pen in company ink (Or don't dip company pens in your ink). Get him fired before you screw him. 2. Ladies room?!? If Johnny GoodTimes wants to get a lil' something-something AND he has a fiance' he can well pony-up the cash for a motel room. Cheap jerk.

03-06-2009, 12:32 AM	#10
mewhenim Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 159	don't do it. You'll be able to get over it, although if you started, the dammage has really already been done. Cheating is a horrible thing, I have been lied to and misled plenty of times, but that's the one that really hurts me. I'm not here to judge you, I'm just going to encourage doing what I'm sure you know is right. If this has gone past the moral issue, than I guess go for it, but be prepared for the problems it will bring at work and at home, and be aware there is a good chance both will crash at the same time, leaving you feeling like . If you can get past it and hold out a bit longer I'm sure it will fade. I thought I liked another guy and held out untill those feelings died, it was hard, but I'm still able to say I've never cheated and I'm proud of that.