Thread: No friends!

It doesn't sound like you're full of excuses at all to me. Not having friends is a valid concern and the way you explained it, I can totally understand. Your BF also is not being very fair. If this is something that concerns you deeply, why doesn't he try to help you. Why doesn't he take you along sometimes? Does his friends have girlfriends? (or) Why does he not put the friends off some weekends to find time for you? It sounds like he is your only close friend right now and you need him to take you out, to talk to you, to do all those things you miss during the week.

Also, his criticizing the friends that you do have visit is really not fair either. Friends are hard to find, even when you are exposed to those elements that you aren't. I remember when I was a little girl and I use to call everyone my friend. My grandmother told me that not everyone is your friend, in your lifetime you may have 1 or 2 "true friends". So, even if you are exposed to other women around your age - you still may not find a "friend". But, at least you will have someone who can take care of that "girl time" that we all desperately need and help take some pressure of - you have a very busy life.

You sound like a great, ambitious person who deserves friends. I do not have a solution - just advice that your BF needs to be a little more sensitive to what you are going through. In the meantime, I'll be your friend over the net and you can vent anytime you want or talk about anything you want.

I love this site - there's genuine people here that give great advice. I am sure there will be more replies to follow mine that may give better insight into what you can do in this situation. HANG IN THERE!

Thanks for your response Hope, you really made me feel more encouraged. I would be very grateful for a 'net' friend.

My bf (not American, go figure) usually hangs out with guys from his country, so they speak their language (which I only know a little bit of), so it wouldn't really work well if I tagged along. Plus, they tend to hang out in segregated groups, guys with guys and girls with girls. He does sometimes spend one night during the weekend with me, but lately he's been complaining because I'm 'boring' and there's nothing to do. Well yes there really is nothing to do around here (except eat, lol) but that doesn't mean I'm boring by association...

It is true that I need 'girl time' as you've said... my bf usually always has great advice and insight, but sometimes he completely misses the emotional part (or the sensitivity part, hehe).

I am also very glad to have found this site as it's definitely a great place for venting!!

I'm in a similar situation. I moved half way across the country to be with my fiance and he's now my closest friend. All my girlfriends that I was super close with all threw school are still back in my home town (along with pretty much all my family as well) I've found it really hard to make new friends (as I tend to be a bit picky as to who I open up to since I have several skeletons in my closet that tend to influence me...and not exactly in a good way most of the time and people don't really understand until they know about them...but I don't really like to talk about any of it) It also doesn't help that where I work it's mostly high school students or people in their mid 30's to late 50's (I'm only 22 currently lol) So it is fairly hard to find anyone I can relate to. Especially since I don't like the whole bar scene, I work out at home, and my hobbie is also home based (I'm a bit of an artist, but prefer to draw alone so I don't have people peaking over my shoulder every two seconds asking me what I'm up to lol) The only thing that differs, is that my fiance also doesn't really have any friends in the city that we're living in, so we tend to spend all of our free time together...I do miss girl talk though and doing girly things. If you'd like, I could also be your net friend since I do find it is easier to open up a bit with people online. I think it's because it's not face to face that makes it so much easier.

~Kayt~

Hi Kayt, thanks for your response! I have a feeling that there are a lot of people in similar situations as ours... we just have to find a way to meet them somehow! and yes let's definitely be online friends

It is easier to open up online because we don't have to deal with any possible negative reactions if we don't want to - we can just ignore it - or take as much time as we need to back up and 'explain' ourselves... plus no one really knows us so we can feel freer to be really honest. There's no real consequence.

I'm with you, there are things I'd rather not talk about with just anyone about myself; I'd rather they know me really well first. Otherwise it's just too complicated to explain and it's easy to be misunderstood.

I think there's nothing wrong with being picky about friends - but it does mean it might take a bit longer to have any!

Good luck to you and your fiance in settling in and finding people to befriend!

Making friends is hard. The only consolation is that once you have one or two, it gets easy - you meet their friends, etc. But starting out in a new place is really tough. In any case your boyfriend shouldn't criticize your friends (unless they are really awful - and it doesn't sound like they are). Also, nothing wrong with friends from a different culture.

You are busy, so time is hard to find. But maybe you could volunteer somewhere (just slight part time), as a way to meet people. You can also try online discussion groups (not this one - most people here need to remain anonymous - more is the pitty, some would be very nice to meet in real life).

Thanks for the support and advice rcoreyus! I definitely feel better after venting and getting it all out somewhere, feeling understood and heard. Now I feel more energized and hopeful to keep trying.

One a bright note, last night I discovered a pilates class being held on Friday evenings (when I'm actually free!) at the university where I'm interning. I'll have to figure out how much it is and then go in hopes of meeting others!

I know how you all feel about making friends! It is tough especially when there are other factors or personal preferences helping to sway the decision on whom to be friends with. I'm in the same boat! Different situation as to why, but I know how that is. Good luck to you and know that you are not alone!