Thread: he did something that really bother me

Originally Posted by Neuspeed

Few questions... Why do you say sleeping with him the first night you hung out was a mistake? Suppose you hadn't slept with him the first night you hung out, do you think the outcome of your current situation would have been different?

well ive learned and heard from alot of girls that if you wait a while before you sleep with someone usually things get somewhere but when you just give it up then theres not much the person seeks.... and well i made the mistake to sleep with him to quick and things got ruined?

Originally Posted by Neuspeed

My point is.. don't beat yourself up for having sex if you both enjoyed it. Women should not think sex is a "reward" to men for being good to them. That being said I don't think that's what I think of the OP, just throwing it out there before my account gets banned lol

honestly the reason why i felt bad that i slep with him fast is bc now he thinks im easy and i know im not but still hurts ti know that someone thinks like that. pluss my body is mine and w/e part i decide to share with anyone he is lucky so he better treat me right!

why did you get banned!!!!?

Originally Posted by Jeni87

well ive learned and heard from alot of girls that if you wait a while before you sleep with someone usually things get somewhere but when you just give it up then theres not much the person seeks.... and well i made the mistake to sleep with him to quick and things got ruined?

Food for thought: if he was a truly decent man who found you interesting and worthwhile, it wouldn't matter whether you slept with him the first time you met, or years down the line, he would feel the same way about you. I don't think you would have gotten much better results if you had waited, other than to say he might have lost interest earlier. He doesn't really sound like someone who is good relationship material anyway. So I think you probably made a good choice, you got to have fun sex for a while, and now you're moving on.

Originally Posted by Jeni87

honestly the reason why i felt bad that i slep with him fast is bc now he thinks im easy and i know im not but still hurts ti know that someone thinks like that. pluss my body is mine and w/e part i decide to share with anyone he is lucky so he better treat me right!

why did you get banned!!!!?

If a guy sleeps with you, isn't he also "sharing" parts of his body with you as well? I already know what you might answer, so my next question is.. How is it not the same when a man decides to sleep with a woman?

I'm surprised some women still think sex is some sort of reward they give men for making them happy or doing something positive..

I don't think of sex as a reward, I happen to love it lol and think of it more as a reward to ME. I had sex with my bf on the first date and we managed to turn it into a relationship. Do I advise sleeping with a guy immediatly? Nope. Not because its a reward but because a LOT of women start becoming emotionally attached after sex, getting attached after a first date can be good if the guy is wonderful, hes a total jerk that just leads to heartache as the orginal poster endured.

Sure a lot of women can have emotionally detached sex, but that is really the exception not the rule... even in 2009. You should definitely do what feels right to you at the time, but becareful with your heart and don't expect things to magically take off just because you had sex , then it will be less hurtful if they don't.

When I had sex with my bf on the first date it was because it was something I genuinly wanted to do, I found him so irrisistable and I had no expectations of him other than that night. He surprised me and turned out the be the best guy I've ever met and things would be the same I think whether we did or didn't mess around right away I think.

Again though, thats the exception, also we were friends before taking that first date so we did already have some communication going on, common interests, etc.

As long as a woman is in a place where she is emotionally stable and not reaching for the moon out of a one night stand, sex on a first date is of course completely fine, it isn't a reward for the man and can be something just mutally pleasurable and physical only.

If however she already knows she really likes the guy, sleeping with him right away will usually put those feelings on fast forward and if he turns out to be a crappy guy, she'll likely put up with it for longer, allow herself to be used etc, just because her heart is wrapped up in him. Where as if you like a guy and go out a few times and realize hes a jerk, if you haven't had sex yet.. its much easier to walk away quicker and with less pain involved.