A Ghost...a visit from the past....
I left a relationship in 2006 after realizing that I couldn't live the life he wanted me to live. I couldn't be confined and restricted as he wanted me to be.....and for the most part, everything (but sex) in our relationship was all about him and what he wanted. I truly felt like he didn't love me. Then, after I left, the passion started. He mourned over me for about a year....would show up at my door full of intense passion and often tears. So, he set a date, April 1st, and told me that each year, if we found ourselves still in love, we'd meet at our spot at 5 oclock on April 1st. Said it didn't matter if it was 15 years down the road.....that if I felt it, to go there, and if he felt it he'd go there.
April 1st came around.....I knew he was dating someone, and so was I.....so I didn't go. This was a almost 2 years after we split. Though he was dating someone else and had been for a while at that point, apparently, he went to our spot that day. When i didn't show, he was devestated. He called my mom that night, made up some reason to have to talk to her, and ended up breaking down on the phone about me not showing up. He cried and cried....and my mom even told me at that point "I think he loves you, I truly think he does".......but I could never get past the fact that when I was with him I didn't feel loved.
So....in July of 2008 he married the girl he'd been dating. The last time I heard from him was about 2 weeks after he got married, when he contacted me to supposedly ask a question about something the company I worked for sold. That was that. I've never once thought of him "like that" again...or reminesced about being with him.........
....until about 2 weeks ago. It's the weirdest thing, at night when I begin to say my prayers, it's like my mind is overwhelmed with thoughts of him. Not sexual thoughts.....but loving thoughts. I don't like it, I try to make it stop.....but it just doesn't.
I'm no fool, I know this will pass....but I'm wondering has anyone else experienced this..? I call it like a ghost haunting me and I'm not sure why.
I'm sorry, but planning to meet was a terrible plan - one that could only leave one or both of you feeling rejected, or if you both show up, almost certain to do something you would regret.
I think you should get in touch with him an end this arrangement. It has a Hollywood story romance to it that is appealing, but I think it can only lead to disaster.
Well in all fairness to muah, it wasn't my plan. He sent it to me in a letter through the mail. And I've not gone there not once to meet him. And wouldn't. I included that as I felt it was part of the history. :-) But I will admit that part of me wonders if he still goes there on that day. Curiousity I suppose.
He's married. I'd never not in a million years do anything that could even possibly interfere with someone's marriage. I just don't quite understand why after 3 years of being apart, having dated numerous others during this time.....why all of a sudden he's creeping into my thoughts when I lay down to sleep at night. It's weird. It's not even so much a "I want him back" thought...it's just these feelings of love. Weird, creepy.....yeah I know. I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences things like this and if anyone has identified a reason....
Doesn't sound to me like a mutual agreement. He basically told her that was what he would do, and probably hoped to plant the seed in her mind even though (I am guessing) she probably wasn't into the idea, and told him so. Correct me if I am wrong, BD.Originally Posted by rcoreyus
I agree though, there is not really a realistic way that would ever work. At least for me, once I have moved on, there's no going back. And if you do go back, well, that usually doesn't go well (from what I have seen).
At some level, something you may be wanting what you didn't have and because he was apparently still passionate about you, your mind turn to him. Why not have a letting go ceremony. Do you have anything that you associate with him? Use it as part of your ceremony, either release it into running water or burn it. Express your gratitude for the good he brought into your life, even if it was teaching you what you Don't want, wish him well and let him go. If the item is jewelry or something of value you could donate it and use a representation of it for you ceremony.
[QUOTE=golden_nemesis;79968]Doesn't sound to me like a mutual agreement. He basically told her that was what he would do, and probably hoped to plant the seed in her mind even though (I am guessing) she probably wasn't into the idea, and told him so. Correct me if I am wrong, BD.
[\QUOTE]
You're right that it wasn't a mutual agreement. He sent a letter to me after I quit talking to him. I didn't respond.
But it's not even about the whole April 1st thing...I'm clearly not going to our spot on April 1st..it's about moving on with my life, falling in love with someone else, breaking up, moving on again and again and again.....and now all these years later, he's overwhelmingly on my mind. Weirdness.
WC- Gosh it's just been so long. I don't even think I still have anything left of him (like belongings or anything). I mean this is someone I have said with CONFIDENCE, "I loved him dearly, and I'll always care about him, but I no longer love him" So I guess it's just never crossed my mind this whole "letting go" thing. I guess because after him, I fell in love with someone else.....so I've never even considered not being "over him" or letting go of him. Hmmmmm.
There is always a tendency to view the past through rosy glasses - I think this applies to past people as well as past events. I can easily imagine that if you happen to be feeling lonely or dissatisfied at the moment, you may think wistfully of a past lover - conveniently ignoring all the problems.
There are many forks in the road, and I think it is natural to wonder about the branch you didn't take. I think about this a lot. There have been several times where I made a decision (sometimes it seemed important at the time, sometimes not), and I wonder what life would have been like if I had taken the other.
His waiting at a specified spot and time seems a chance to take that other path. But it isn't - it is not stepping back in time, it is a new path, and one you don't want to take.
Maybe somewhere in the back of your mind, you saw him being there at that assigned spot come spring after spring. Even though you are not even thinking about him, maybe subconsiously it was comforting to have someone love you so much they would continue to hope for a circumstance in which you to could possibly reunite.
In the back of your mind, knowing of his unconditional and hopeful love, even though you didnt feel it back toward him, possibly gave your heart some sort of safety net. Now that you know he is married you know that door is closed, that even if he did continue to show up those april 1st, that you wouldn't interfere in a marriage. So its likely you will never show up at that spot.
Its possible that this closure of something you haven't actively thought about has created this ghost, just your innercobwebs begging to be cleaned possibly.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
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