ok ladies heres the situation.
I have been dating my man for three years. Before we started dating we where really great friends, While we where friends I had a boyfriend and he knew about him. I have never in my life cheated on any of my boyfriends until this situation . Well the guy I was dating at that time was not fufulling all my needs no matter how much I complain, i really loved him and I did not want to hurt his feeling. So in between all the madness i cheated on him with my friend, a month later I broke up with him and started dating my friend

I always told myself its not good to start a relationship with the guy you cheat with becasue he could cheat on you.

Anyway day I was being nosy in my mans room and I came accross this video tape, so I decided to put it in the camcorder and watch it. It was a video of my man and another woman having sex. I took the tape put it in my purse and when he came back i acted like nothing happen, I waited about two days later and asked how many other women are you sleeping with? he became defensive and ignored the question. I asked again and he said yes and confessed, to this day he does not know that I seen the tape.

Besides that incident this guy is sooooooooooo good to me he treats me like a queen. Do you think this is payback for me cheating on my ex? or should I end my relationship?

There's no rule.

The reason why cheating is such a big deal is
that you'll never trust him again. You could
see him giving me directions, and I smile, and
you think...uh huh...another one.

He is supposed to be here at seven, he is late,
you think...uh huh...he was with another one.

On and on.

If you can stop caring whether or not he's faithful,
and take what you get...

I don't know the mores of the place you are.
I can tell you, in some places, certain sex acts
are not 'acceptable'...and a man would not ask
his wife to perform them, but can find Monica
who'll be happy so to do.

A number of men don't want to kiss the mouth
of a woman who used her mouth on other parts
of his body so would rather Monica do that and
he can kiss Hilary.

In some cases once you stop demanding faithfulness
and make the relationship tacitly different, so that
you don't ask him where he goes, he can't ask you...

so it depends on how you feel, what you can deal
with, what is the bottom line.

thanks for the advice

You're very welcome.

I'm in an open marriage because my husband and I strongly believe that marriage is different now then it was before and we are not put in this world to be with just one person. It's too hard for one person to be your world for your whole life. So perhaps you should confront what made him cheat instead of deciding if it's worth you leaving or not.

I might be off the Mark with altheria's situation
but it seems to me her bf had seen a bit too
much TV, too much porn and wanted to see
how he 'measured up' to others.

He found some meaningless female whom he
could screw and filmed it, just to check if he
was doing it correctly...

Many men today see something and want to
try it, so find an easy gal, try it, see if they
like it, before 'bringing it home'.

Society has always kind of believed that
women should be virgins, men should get
experience on others before marrying their
virgin.

Cheating means someone is wanting another and not you. I'm all for a full,open,loving,and creative sex life. I'm for a couple doing whatever makes them feel comfortable and meets both of their needs. If an open relationship meets both their needs then great. If it doesn't meet both needs and makes someone a little unsure about themselves or feeling unloved then it's just not worth it. If he is not meeting your needs.....then walk. There are sooooo many men out there that are loving,caring, wonderful in many ways who will make you feel special and loved.

Contrary to belief, there are men out there that are faithful. After 2 yrs. of an "open relationship" in which we had great sex,but left me feeling not so loved. I'm in a relationship with a wonderfully open,sexually satisfying man and we both feel connected,loved,and understood.

If you are unhappy, then don't stay

In Africa polygamy is the norm. A man has
a number of wives. Each wife has her own
house, and he looks after all of his children,
so that one doesn't get a bicycle and the
other gets nothing.

This is how society is set up in parts of
Africa. There are rules, there are obligations,
and every wife knows about every other and
where the husband is at every minute of the
day.

If the little one gets hurt and she has to
run to the hospital, she will know that husband
is with Wife 4, and ring her up,and Wife 4 will
call the others, and the whole bunch of them
will be at the hospital.

Contrast this with Mr. Working Late, who has
turned off his cell, because he is slamming
Slutina and no one can get in touch with him.

Now obviously if you walk into polygamy or
an open relationship and you know where he
is and he knows where you are, so that if
the little one gets hurt, you're only a phone
call away, well that is a totally different situation.

The dishonesty of cheating puts it far beyond
a polygamous or open relationship.