Bad Sleeping Patterns

**confused_one** · 03-15-2009 01:48 AM

My boyfriend is very angry with me because I continuously seem to wake him up in the middle of the night. He tells me that simple movements wake him and I often knee him in the back. Apparently I have even elbowed him in the face a few times. I sleep very soundly and don't know what's going on- I can sleep through just about anything.

At first we would make jokes about me "bashing him up" but now he is so cranky over his loss of sleep and blames it all on me.

It's gotten to the point now where he will stay up till 5am because he can't sleep beside me. I feel really guilty for it but can't help but get mad back when he doesn't accept that I really don't mean to do it.

My previous long term boyfriends never complained about me tossing and turning and never once said I was this aggressive. I think maybe I do it because I'm not conscious of where he is. He's not a "cuddler" (I can't blame him since it is middle of summer here.) where as my past relationships would always hug or spoon me to sleep.

I think there are other underlying reasons why he isn't sleeping... I don't think it’s all my fault.

Please give me some solutions!!!!
I'm losing sleep myself!!- I don't sleep well when I know he's not next to me... especially after 3 am when I know he is angry with me so he won't come to bed.

**sourpuss** · 03-15-2009 11:04 AM

I've been in your boyfriend's position...for 6 years. The best night's sleep I ever got was when we broke up and he finally moved out! I was on 6 years of sleep depravation and I know it created a lot of resentment. Sleep is important and if you can't sleep because someone next to you is sleeping so soundly they don't even wake up when they hit you in the face then you tend to get a bit grumpy.

I dated someone who was a thrasher and when he quit drinking soda it stopped. It would mean a lot to your boyfriend if you tried to find a way to calm down before you go to bed. Meditating, stop any sugar or caffeine after lunch time, stay awake until he falls asleep...etc.

You're going to have to compromise. Some people just can't sleep if someone is touching them or moving next to them, or snoring, etc.

**mewhenim** · 03-15-2009 11:36 AM

check with ur doc, maybe he/she has some ideas, perhaps 1 alcoholic beverage before bed or warm milk, those can sometimes help you or him sleep, it may calm you or it may help him to sleep more soundly. Lol otherwise he could just tie you down.

**confused_one** · 03-15-2009 07:01 PM

thats good advice. I'm going to the doctors in the next few days so I'll ask while I'm there.

I now know why he keeps telling me go have a bath. I was getting angry at the fact he seemingly wanted to control me but he was only trying to relax me. I guess I wasn't open to the idea that there was something I could do.

Any more ideas?

**rcoreyus** · 03-16-2009 12:14 AM

My wife and I sleep in separate, but close beds so that we don't wake each other.

**confused_one** · 03-19-2009 11:32 PM

i saw the doctor the other day and she put it down to the fact he is a very light sleeper. I admit partial responsibility but i can't get him to do anything about it to help find a soloution. He blames everything on me. Please Help.

**mewhenim** · 03-19-2009 11:34 PM

perhaps he could take a sleep aid to help him sleep more heavily.

**rcoreyus** · 03-20-2009 12:04 AM

If he is able to sleep without I strongly advise against that. Many are addictive and have various nasty side effects. Much better to just sleep in separate beds.

Originally Posted by mewhenim

perhaps he could take a sleep aid to help him sleep more heavily.

**confused_one** · 03-20-2009 12:31 AM

Tried to give him some sleeping pills- he was insulted because all he could see was that it was my problem and not his. So he wouldn't taKe them anyway. I do agree it would be much better without them but it's putting a lot of tension and stress on our relationship.

Sleeping in seperate beds isn't an option as there is no space to do so.

**rcoreyus** · 03-20-2009 11:04 AM

One of you can sleep on the floor. I did that for years when my fidgeting in bed would wake my wife. Sounds unfair, but it is better than someone not getting any sleep, and (in my opinion) much much better than drugs.

Originally Posted by confused_one

Tried to give him some sleeping pills- he was insulted because all he could see was that it was my problem and not his. So he wouldn't taKe them anyway. I do agree it would be much better without them but it's putting a lot of tension and stress on our relationship.

Sleeping in seperate beds isn't an option as there is no space to do so.

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