Thread: Break Ups... never get any easier do they

just fine some one to spent some time with

Yes thankyou,that is my best option.

While spending your time with friends is a good option, try giving yourself the reward to be alone. I had to deal with this the hard way. I moved in with my ex-bf after 3 months of being exclusive...we spent a good 4 months together, until his (supposed estranged)wife came back. He lied to me, he said they were never married, and he doesn't have kids with her, but turned out otherwise! I've never felt so betrayed all my life that I wanted to die. I had a car accident a few weeks after, I was driving inattentively. I wished it could've ended everything.

Going back, I am glad I was given a chance to live and meet my current significant other. When we met, we were both in camouflaged states...starting to morph into being better beings, but are being stifled...

BTW, with that lier ex-bf, I really cried like a kid. I mourned for weeks and self-talked in front of the mirror! I posted some encouraging thoughts on my wall...stayed late watching DVDs...but nothing seemed to make me happy - THEN. I had to get out of town (Texas was where I went to unwind) with friends, but I felt like they just dragged me with them, as if I am just there physically, but I really couldn't appreciate my surroundings. but when I went back home, I was refreshed.

Cutting all means of communication, throwing away memorabilias or anything that reminded me of him helped me. I talked to him for the last time for a complete closure, I forgave him...then was the only time that I felt like I was free...

It has been 10 months since then...and as I try to reminisce, I don't have the fellings for him anymore. I believe that if you learn to love yourself more and spend more time to yourself more...trying to read helpful psychology self-help books, you will be able to appreciate life and enjoy your new life ALONE.

This is my new mission actually. Even if I am in a loving relationship, I still need to learn to love myself, in order for me to be able to truly love my bf...to learn how to enjoy being alone, in order for me to appreciate his presence and warmth when we're together.

You and I have plenty of things in common...don't fret. YOU are NOT ALONE.

Thats interesting about the cross culture because my boyfriend lived in a different country too. Despite this we got on well and he was so different to any man i had ever met, i think that is why i am also finding this so hard. There were a lot of good points to him but also bad, but for some reason my head wants to concentrate on his good qualities and not the bad and that just upsets me more, my head isnt helping me at all right now. I really do appreciate everyone's advice and i feel much better knowing there are people out there that care and want to give this advice because right now i do feel very alone and now and again i have had stupid thoughts but thankfully i am blotting them out of my head as best i can. I know a man is never worth making yourself ill for and i really do try hard to tell myself this and will continue to do so but for the other times, i do really miss him and i know part of me will always love him.

oh, BTW, I am Asian and my ex-bf is Caucasian. My present significant other is also Caucasian and we're getting along well. His family was apprehensive at first, but when they met me, they adored me ....

If you have it in your insurance (or even if you don't), getting counseling would help you also. I have undergone a series of sessions and my counselor taught me some coping strategies, and they are working. Maybe I will discuss them with you later when I have more time... till then.

Originally Posted by Em25

There were a lot of good points to him but also bad, but for some reason my head wants to concentrate on his good qualities and not the bad and that just upsets me more, my head isnt helping me at all right now.

This is such an interesting occurance sometimes after a loss of any kind, this way we have of turning someone into a saint and looking at all the things we will miss about them. The mind is a powerful thing and with a little bit of effort you can make the switch of what you are focusing on. Not that you should be focusing on hating him.. either side of that spectrum is bad. And wallowing in either the misery of his company at times or the basking in the glow of the really good times only to come crashing down when realizing they are no more is also not the healthiest thing to be doing right now either.

There will be a point, later when you are healed inside that you will be able to look back at the happier times you had and smile to yourself that you enjoyed yourself in each one of those moments. Right now, while your heart is still in such a fragile place its probably not the best time for that kind of reminicing.

Try to focus on all the reasons you are better off, and you don't feel you have any.. make some up!! Focus on yourself, the dreams, wants and needs you had outside of this man and follow those. Find things to busy your mind and your body like exercise, leisure activities and possibly even volunteering to help an organasation you support or even just someone like a sick or elderly reletive going through a hard time to help you gain some perspective on how much more to life you have give.. and to be grateful for.

Amen! That is very true. I thought I will never recover from my past relationship. I am still in the process of total healing, but believe me, dear Em25, time will heal your heart. Feel free to express whatever yo have in mind/heart people here are very supportive.

Don't keep bitterness and unforgiveness swallow your heart and being, for these will hinder you from total recovery and growth. Explore your emotions, don't be afraid to face them. it is normal to feel bad, sad and desperate...watch it as they pass...feel your emotions, grieve if necessary. It is OK to hit the bottom, just be ready to soar high and emerge when you're ready. And once you do, you'll see a brighter and better self waiting to unfold. Keep your faith and be strong!