Break Ups... never get any easier do they

**Em25** · 03-19-2009 09:09 AM

Hi guys and girls

So i have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months, although a few days we split up however, i am taking this really hard cant seem to get my head round it at all as i thought he was the one for me. Not only do i feel totally heartbroken that he is now out of my life, even though it was for the best really it still hurts so much and i have been through break ups before, i know it gets easier in time but i am getting tired of this to be honest. does anyone have any little things they do when they split up with someone to make it easier? i will welcome any suggestions i really need some help

also, i am feeling scared i will never meet anyone else. I am 25 and would love to settle down and be happy but it just feels like it will never happen, the area i live in its really difficult to meet people so i am at a loss as to what to do and i am worried i will end up getting seriously depressed again if i dont do something to improve how i am feeling

thanks for reading

**kms** · 03-19-2009 10:30 PM

I don't think it ever gets easier... it hurts each time we lose someone that we love and care about, who was such an integral part of our lives... it's like a piece of us is missing. So certainly it never gets easier.

I know you said meeting people is difficult (I'm in a similar situation)... but the best way to help yourself is to get out of the house as much as possible, be active, do stuff, be around other people, volunteer, help people, join a gym and join an exercise class, if you're religious maybe join something associated with that... get out basically. do as much as you can to stay busy and keep your mind otherwise occupied.

**WildChild** · 03-19-2009 10:37 PM

It doesn't get easier. I'll let you in on a little secret.... you may think that older adults have a more mature approach to relationships and to breakups. Few do, for the most part they respond to all not much differently than much younger people!

**higherroad** · 03-24-2009 09:06 AM

as i am in a similar situation, i hope this might help.

sometimes breakups are a way to make you better in your next relationship. you are probably wiser for it and will definately get better nurturing your next one.

however, i keep hearing be comfortable in being with yourself and healing first. because they say when you are not looking for a relationship thats when you will find it.

however, i do agree you have to stay busy and alive.

good luck.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-24-2009 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by higherroad

as i am in a similar situation, i hope this might help.

sometimes breakups are a way to make you better in your next relationship. you are probably wiser for it and will definately get better nurturing your next one.

however, i keep hearing be comfortable in being with yourself and healing first. because they say when you are not looking for a relationship thats when you will find it.

however, i do agree you have to stay busy and alive.

good luck.

Totally agree with this....

You also mention you thought "he was the one", and that you really "want to settle down"..

It could be that you simply feel that with each person you go out with for the will and want and desire to belong.

It's time therefore, if that's the case to love you first, so that other's can see you and love you too and want to stay with you because you have found you, totally and know who you are.

CW

**2morrow** · 03-29-2009 07:39 PM

Its never easy, unless you are the one who wants to end it. You know the saying what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Its true. Give it time, your heart isn't made of teflon, you are going thru normal emotions, and you need time to grieve. Keep busy, thing positively and smile ! Things could be worse, and before you know it, the sun will be shining again. Best wishes.

**Em25** · 03-30-2009 07:07 AM

Hi everyone

I just wanted to say thank you all for replying and helping me with suggestions and reminding me that i will get through it. Deep down i know i will but it doesnt matter how many times you go through this you always think you can get through it the next time. its about 3 weeks on now and i dont feel any better i still very emotional and really down but i am hoping things will change, thank you everyone for your advice xxxx

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-30-2009 08:57 AM

When a relationship doesn't work out the way we hope it to it hurts. Even if you are the one choosing to end it. Its never easy to have a person that was such an important part of your everyday life dissapear from it. It's a loss, one that warrents grieving and it sounds like you are letting yourself go through that. It's hard but necessary to moving forward.

Some people supress those feelings and go on a drinking binder, or hook up with random ppl anything for a quick fix to the pain, but it just comes back again I think when dealing with it that way, along with many other possible unrelated consequences.

As time passes, it will tug at your stomach less and less. The positive thing about a relationship coming to a close is that you are now available for the person you are trully meant to be with. When you do finally find the one, and it may not be the very next guy you're with.. or even the one after that.. (but it very well could be) but when you do find that one, and everything falls into place as it should you will look back at this relationship and any others and be so thankful that you were not still back there, but where you are.

Life is full of experiences, this was a chapter in your biography. Don't think of a failed relationship as time wasted, it was time passed.. spent exploring emotion and feelings and caring for someone. Thats always worth doing even if it doesn't yeild an eternity with that particular person.

Take this new free time you have on your hands to explore what really makes you happy, dig into new things and old things you may have pushed aside at some point. The best love in the world always finds you when you need it the least, when you have it within yourself already.. so hurry up and do that

**zej** · 03-30-2009 11:29 AM

It is truly hard I am also suffering the same feelings 4 months after my break up of only a 5 month relationship.I was seeing a doctor on medication and even cut myself. I also question will it get easier-or who to trust. I am a western girl living in Japan-I have no one to turn or talk to.I was dating a Japanese man.I questioned his commitment o our relationship once I returned home.He looked at it as a short term flig. It hurt to hear such a reaction.He was my first boyfriend.I still love him.He listed many problems with our future,such as race although he asked me out in the first place. I suppose all people and cultures are different.But I do believe us girls do have the strength to become better people from this.

**WildChild** · 03-30-2009 12:39 PM

Wow. How old are you? Why are you in Japan?
Cross cultural relationships aren't easy. And we Euro/Americans are often surprised to learn that people of other cultures can hold deep prejugudists against mixing or LTRs outside their culture. We tend to be aware of that behavior in our own culture but not in others toward us.

I suspect that this level of reaction to such a short term relationship has more to do with your sense of isolation than with that particular relationship. Have you made any freinds there? Do you have any outlets to do so? Check into places such as the American University or the international student offices of local colleges. DO you have skype or some means of talking with freinds back home?

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