Betrayed, and heartbroken what to do?

1sweetbuttalove · 03-20-2009, 07:39 PM

Please help me ive been with a guy for 3yrs and two months. All of a sudden he didnt have time for me. we are friends and im fine with that but im so hurt because how can someone who loved you so much and ask you to marry him then leave you because he wants to go a college that didnt accepted him in the fall? ive been with this boy through thick and thin. Hes family treated him horrible. hes stepmother use to beat him. hes dad would always believe his wife before his own child. hes mom left him because she was selfish but wants to be in his life now. i just cant believe after all i did for him resuecing him from his family always being there for him and he just moves me out of his life. somedays im fine and days like this im so hurt. i mean i understand that he really wants to go to RU but did he really have to kick me out of his life like that.
i just dont understand.i really loved him and nows he wants us to be together but i dont know if i could do it. im scared itll happen again and the next time we would have a family and chooses his career over his family and i dont want to be with someone like that. do you possibly think hes just confused as i am? i just dont understand how could anybody just leave someone all of a sudden because of college. remind you i go to college too and im as stress as he is but i dont let it effect the ppl i love dearly. you guys dont know how hurt and betrayed i feel we have broken up for two weeks sunday. please any advice would help me i just dont know what to do should i stay his friend or should i just leave him alone?????

**happy ending** · 03-20-2009, 09:35 PM

i'm sorry for your pain. look after yourself, i would stay away from him, it sounds like you need to worry about yourself. i hope things turn out ok.

**WildChild** · 03-20-2009, 09:45 PM

If I understand what you are saying he applied to a college and wasn't accepted in the fall but has been accepted now?
He left for college but still wants to be with you?
This wasn't very clear, is your problem that he is living in another area?
Perhaps when you clam down a bit you could write something more coherent and it would easier for people to offer you some suggestions.

**WildChild** · 03-20-2009, 09:46 PM

Oppps meant calm down. I'm a wee bit dyslexic.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-21-2009, 04:18 AM

It sounds like the 2 of you are young, and he may just want to end things because he doesn't want to feel burdened when starting a new life at school. Maybe he feels like he might stray and doesn't want to hurt you by cheating and would just rather enter the situation as a single guy with no strings.

It hurts. When someone ups and leaves it usually is not something that they hadn't been considering for quite some time. While it seems out of nowhere to you, for him he was probably waiting for the right moment to end it with as little drama as possible and going off to school might have just given him the excuse he needed to not seem like the bad guy.

If you want to be his friend, that's fine. But keep in mind that you might need some time to heal before you can really trully be 'just friends' with him. Having him around and behaving and treating you differently as you are no longer his girlfriend might delay your getting over him and leave you in a constant state of hurt. I know that part of you must want to be his friend because you just can't imagine having him entirely out of your life, after so much time together.

But do give yourself time away from him to sort out your own feelings and come to an acceptence of this new situation before trying to be his friend. Also don't feel like you owe him your friendship. Only offer it, if its something you trully want to give. When people leave a relationship, they run the risk of not getting to have the person they are leaving in their life in any capacity. So its entirely up to you and what the friendship makes YOU feel like.

1sweetbuttalove · 03-21-2009, 12:01 PM

Thank you all who reply to my situation. to wild child he wasnt accepted in the fall and he'd sumitted his papers again the college as we speak. we both go to a community college and he still lives at home. my problem isnt that he'll be in another city its that we were in engaged and he put this school before me well everything before me and i understand he wants to go to this university but when i was there for him when nobody was there not even his family. but all of a sudden hes family wants to change and he doesnt have time for me thats what i dont understand its just bul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

03-20-2009, 07:39 PM	#1
1sweetbuttalove Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 6	Betrayed, and heartbroken what to do? Please help me ive been with a guy for 3yrs and two months. All of a sudden he didnt have time for me. we are friends and im fine with that but im so hurt because how can someone who loved you so much and ask you to marry him then leave you because he wants to go a college that didnt accepted him in the fall? ive been with this boy through thick and thin. Hes family treated him horrible. hes stepmother use to beat him. hes dad would always believe his wife before his own child. hes mom left him because she was selfish but wants to be in his life now. i just cant believe after all i did for him resuecing him from his family always being there for him and he just moves me out of his life. somedays im fine and days like this im so hurt. i mean i understand that he really wants to go to RU but did he really have to kick me out of his life like that. i just dont understand.i really loved him and nows he wants us to be together but i dont know if i could do it. im scared itll happen again and the next time we would have a family and chooses his career over his family and i dont want to be with someone like that. do you possibly think hes just confused as i am? i just dont understand how could anybody just leave someone all of a sudden because of college. remind you i go to college too and im as stress as he is but i dont let it effect the ppl i love dearly. you guys dont know how hurt and betrayed i feel we have broken up for two weeks sunday. please any advice would help me i just dont know what to do should i stay his friend or should i just leave him alone?????

03-21-2009, 04:18 AM	#5
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 2,157	It sounds like the 2 of you are young, and he may just want to end things because he doesn't want to feel burdened when starting a new life at school. Maybe he feels like he might stray and doesn't want to hurt you by cheating and would just rather enter the situation as a single guy with no strings. It hurts. When someone ups and leaves it usually is not something that they hadn't been considering for quite some time. While it seems out of nowhere to you, for him he was probably waiting for the right moment to end it with as little drama as possible and going off to school might have just given him the excuse he needed to not seem like the bad guy. If you want to be his friend, that's fine. But keep in mind that you might need some time to heal before you can really trully be 'just friends' with him. Having him around and behaving and treating you differently as you are no longer his girlfriend might delay your getting over him and leave you in a constant state of hurt. I know that part of you must want to be his friend because you just can't imagine having him entirely out of your life, after so much time together. But do give yourself time away from him to sort out your own feelings and come to an acceptence of this new situation before trying to be his friend. Also don't feel like you owe him your friendship. Only offer it, if its something you trully want to give. When people leave a relationship, they run the risk of not getting to have the person they are leaving in their life in any capacity. So its entirely up to you and what the friendship makes YOU feel like. __________________ ------------- Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

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03-20-2009, 09:35 PM	#2
happy ending Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 908	i'm sorry for your pain. look after yourself, i would stay away from him, it sounds like you need to worry about yourself. i hope things turn out ok.

03-20-2009, 09:45 PM	#3
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,603 Blog Entries: 6	If I understand what you are saying he applied to a college and wasn't accepted in the fall but has been accepted now? He left for college but still wants to be with you? This wasn't very clear, is your problem that he is living in another area? Perhaps when you clam down a bit you could write something more coherent and it would easier for people to offer you some suggestions.

03-20-2009, 09:46 PM	#4
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,603 Blog Entries: 6	Oppps meant calm down. I'm a wee bit dyslexic.

03-21-2009, 12:01 PM	#6
1sweetbuttalove Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 6	Thank you all who reply to my situation. to wild child he wasnt accepted in the fall and he'd sumitted his papers again the college as we speak. we both go to a community college and he still lives at home. my problem isnt that he'll be in another city its that we were in engaged and he put this school before me well everything before me and i understand he wants to go to this university but when i was there for him when nobody was there not even his family. but all of a sudden hes family wants to change and he doesnt have time for me thats what i dont understand its just bul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!