Thread: Boyfriend will leave if I won't have sex

Couple of things: first, wow, I can't imagine what a life you've been through. I'm so sorry to hear about all of that, and I simply can't imagine what a mess you must be now. It is more than understandable that sex for you is strongly associated with many bad, horrible memories - psychologically you've attached two separate things (sex and the emotions from being abused) out of pure protection for yourself. However, now that the harmful relationship has ended, you no longer have the need to protect yourself - but it will take time and a lot of work for sex to regain its rightful position as a positive, pleasurable experience for you. With that being said, I strongly recommend that you get help from a professional who can help you work through all the emotions and scars you carry from that terrible time of your life, and who can help you work through your sexual issues as well. It's such a tough, difficult, frightening burden to carry on your own, so having someone trained in these issues by your side to help you along can be immensely helpful and life changing.

The second thing I'd like to say is that yes you are right to take the time to heal and not have sex right now. But your bf is also right that he needs sex (sex is a need!) as it is a desire that he can't just turn off while you heal. Especially if his sex drive is particularly high, he may want to respect your wishes but simply can't go that long without sex. So there are a couple of options. The first is, as others have said, to let him go to be free to be in a relationship in which all his desires are being met, and so that you can be free to heal. The other option is more of a compromise - what about oral sex? It won't be exactly the same for him, but it will be some form of sex and it will do the job so to speak. I can't imagine that having forced sex with someone who doesn't want it (and thus isn't naturally lubricated - ouch on both sides!) is better than getting oral from someone who's willing and happy to do it!

While my own experience was not nearly as traumatic as yours, I did go through a bad relationship that left me completely void of a sex drive and I also hated to even be touched. I started dating my current bf then (whose sex drive is outrageously high), so the way we compromised was through oral. I didn't mind doing it, especially since I knew he was being satisfied and I was avoiding being touched. All the while, he slowly worked with me by touching me little by little here and there, gradually helping me come to the point where I am today, with a full sex drive and ready to go whenever he is. But this option takes compromise and a lot of patience. Seeing as how you've been through SO much, it may really require quite a bit of time and patience for you to pull through to the point of ever desiring sex again. Both of you have to decide whether the relationship is worth the sacrifice.

u told him before so he should have been perpare for this ,how ever he as a point depending on how long he as been waiting ,its best for u to contiue ur healing if he can't wait let he go r let him date ohter pple untill u r ready but don't let him tell if u love him u would ave sex with him if u don't want to remember u ave to love ur self before u can love others, abuse scar pple for life say thank u god ad u got out before it got worse it could be worse

I agree (I think) with wildchild and kms. You shouldn't be forced into sex, but he shouldn't be trapped in a sexless relationship. At the moment you need a good friend, not a lover. It is not your fault, and not his fault, but it sounds like this isn't the rigth time for a relationship.

woah, if he's threatening to leave then open the door for him (and possible kick his on his way out). if he cared about you he'd wait. obviously not, stop wasting your time and emotions on him

lilduck, i think your being a bit harsh. ma-smile it does sound like the two of you have mismatched needs and that you have some stuff you need to work through. good luck, its a long way back from an abusive realationship, i hope things work out well for you both.