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Thread: I need help...I don't know what to do...

  1. #1
    VIP Member MandyBee23 is on a distinguished road
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    Default I need help...I don't know what to do...

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    Okay so I'm having a little relationship trouble and I know no one on here will really know the relationship like I do but I figured it wouldn't hurt to get some outside opinions. Here is a little background: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years, we hit it off great and after a few months he asked me to move in with him. I really didn't want to at first because I was scared so I kept asking him if he was sure and he said yes. So we have been living with each other for a long time. We get a long real well until he has mood swings that come out of no where and then I have to try and figure out what is going on ( he is worse than any girl I have known ). So just last week he went to Miami for spring break with some of his friends. So I acted like I was okay with it because I couldn't go because I still had class. When he was there he sent me text messages saying "I miss you already" soon after he left and "The only thing this really proves is that I miss you when you aren't around" on the 2nd day. 3rd day I didn't hear from him and the day he came home it was like he wasn't real happy to see me. So it went on for another couple of days. He hadn't really touched me nor said much to me. When I asked him what was wrong he said nothing, so I figured I would wait it out a few more days. I did and it didn't get better. So I asked him again because I was starting to get sick to my stomach because I knew something wasn't right. He finally admitted that he was still upset about something that happened a month ago and that it was fine he would get over it.

    Okay so a month ago I had gone out with some friends and half way through the night I didn't tell him where I was, when I should have. But on the other hand he used to go out often and I would have no idea where he was, so I can understand that he was worried but why would he still be thinking about it? I didn't cheat on him but I guess maybe he is thinking that in the back of his mind. And when he was in Miami I didn’t go out at all, just stayed with my school work and had a few girl friends come over. So I guess maybe he thinks I might have done something when he was gone? I don’t know anyways back on track...

    So when he came out with that I did the best I could to help him to not be upset about it and what he ended up saying was that he needed some time alone. and at first I was okay with that, we live in a one bed room very very small apartment so I can understand him wanting to have some time to himself, except that he started saying things like he can't do anything with his friends with out me because I always get upset. Which isn’t entirely true because a lot of the times he would invite me with his friends and I would tell him no but he would beg me to come along.

    So I spent the night at my parents and he was sending text messages to me like nothing happened. When I told him that I was stressed out about money and possibly loosing him, he said "don’t cry! your not going to loose me, im going to get a job soon after I graduate so we will be fine don’t worry! I’m sorry sometimes I let my mood swings get the better of me" I was totally confused after that! Then today I asked him what he wants to do as far as him wanting alone time and he said "I think maybe you should stay at your parents house during the week and stay with me on the weekends" he also said he wants me to leave all my stuff with him at the apartment and for me to keep the key. I was extremely upset but I told him I wanted to make him happy and he said "I know you do this makes me happy, think about not seeing me all week then u finally do, I mean if I get a job elsewhere do you think im gona leave you here? f no" so it’s like he wants me away from him but once he gets a job he wants me with him? I just don’t get it; I don’t know what to think.
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  2. #2
    TEAM ADMIN CHANDLERS WISH is on a distinguished road CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    I would bet he's either been cheated on before, or else, his mates have and he has a fear but loves you deeply and doesn't want to lose you but just cant communicate properly what he is feeling.

    But, nor can you.. You are more worried about what he wants than to tell him openly and honestly how you feel about him, that you have never and would never cheat on him ever...

    He is taking time out at present to get his thoughts together, you maybe the person he wishes to stay with long term, big decisions and he may be worried if he is away, you may stray and so by staying with your parents, it's less risk for him when he does get a job long distance...

    Also, absense makes the heart grow fonder and he wants to miss you as well.

    They all sound positive to me but you need to really tell him how much you love him and that cheating is out of the question, it wouldn't happen and didn't...

    Don't be scared to communicate it's the key to a successful relationship..

    CW
    Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
    It doesn't happen over night
    if truth were to be told.

    Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
    you must believe!
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    VIP Member MandyBee23 is on a distinguished road
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    Thank you so much! That really makes me feel better. But the thing is...I have told him time and time that I would never cheat and he just says "that’s what all girls say" and you are right, he has been cheated on in the past. So I guess maybe my actions were showing him something else? Even though I would tell him I would never even think to cheat. And I guess I am still a little confused that I have to stay with my parents during the week, see him on the weekends, and if he gets a job else where he wants me to come with,(I do understand the wanting to miss me) it just doesn’t make sense I feel like I'm going back wards instead of forward. Thanks again for your responses they are very helpful because I am very stressed out.
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    TEAM ADMIN CHANDLERS WISH is on a distinguished road CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    He wants you to be with your parents because then he knows where you are and if you are not with them, you are with him and when he gets a job, you are with him then too... See?

    It's because he was cheated on, he states it himself " that's what all girls say", he loves you and doesn't want to lose you to some other guy or have to say goodbye because you cheated.

    He's kind of ensuring that it can't happen, if that makes sense.

    Growth is a grand thing and as you grow together with time, he will come to the understanding that you wouldn't cheat after all and he can relax. At this point in time, he is watching his back because he loves you.

    Hope that helps further, cause you should not be stressing, he loves you.

    CW
    Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
    It doesn't happen over night
    if truth were to be told.

    Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
    you must believe!
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    VIP Member MandyBee23 is on a distinguished road
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    Yes that does help! I really understand now and it makes perfect sense. I am really glad you showed me because I was getting all kinds of negative feedback from everyone. Everyone thinks he just wants to cheat on me since I won't be around, that he is being selfish etc. and that's kinda what I expected to hear when I posted this. But like I said what you have told me makes more sense than anything, I know in my heart that is what is going on with him and it really has lifted a weight off my shoulders. He called me today to see if I wanted to go to dinner tomorrow so I’m pretty excited about that. Thank you again! I am so glad you responded to my post!
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    WH Head Moderator WildChild will become famous soon enough WildChild's Avatar
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    I'm going to throw a bit of ice water in here. I wouldn't leave my stuff where I'm not living. Too many times this becomes a big problem. I would also be wondering what he did on spring break? He's got you on the defensive for having done nothing wrong and that isn't a good place to be. If you plan a LTR are you going to be able to handle these mood swings? What is he doing to get a handle on that? You might find John Grey's Mars and Venus books a good read right now.

    CW makes some good points and may very well be right. But if he can't come to trust you, you will spend your life trying to prove something to him that will never be proved to his satisfaction. You are becoming an adult and so not to move back into childhood behavior. Being parked with your parents as a means of ensuring your fidelity smacks of the middle ages. You haven't done anything inappropriate and on spring break he may have realized that many those people - male and female - were engaging in opportunistic sex and probably cheating - that may have triggered this. However YOU weren't there midst temptation HE was. Take some care for yourself, this guy may well be worth keeping but only if he can mature past this. You don't want to spend years defending yourself against suspicions and imagination. By all means give him some time to see you are true and yourself some time to see if he is able to grow emotionally.
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  7. #7
    VIP Member MandyBee23 is on a distinguished road
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    You have made some very good points! We decided that I will be staying with my parents 3 days out of the week and the rest with him. So I really don't want to move all my stuff to my parents when I'll still be with him most of the time and I'll be moving with him in a few months when he graduates anyways. All though if he can't get past this then I won't be going anywhere with him, you are right if he can't get past it I don't want to live the rest of my life with someone who can't get over something I didn't even do! Thanks for your response, very helpful
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