Question: Man's point of view would be nice too.

**ThexMrs** · 03-26-2009, 01:31 PM

Many of you know the history with my boyfriend so I don't think that I need to put any of that in here so here is my question.

Why does my boyfriend do this?

I have quite a few male friends. I always have. I grew up with two older brothers and men have always been there in my life. I get along with them very well.

Anytime I bring up a male friend of mine, my boyfriend makes comments or digs about them.

Example:

Yesterday we were talking and I brought up my friend JJ. My boyfriend called him Gay Gay. Then I was talking about my friend Jason and he called him Gayson. No matter what friend it is, to him, they are always fgs, , gay, etc.

Again the question is, why does he do this?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-26-2009, 04:09 PM

Sounds to me like a hint of jealousy, not so much over the guys as he basically calls them gay, rather your close friendships.

CW

**sourpuss** · 03-26-2009, 04:29 PM

What CW said. But I'll add that's it's immature and I think you should nip it in the bud before it becomes a habit of his and you end up blowing up at him.
Just sit him down and tell him that you understand that he may feel threatened by your relationship with your male friends but that you are romantically involved with him and they are merely friends. Emphasize that you are a mature adult that is capable of having a plutonic relationship with the opposite sex and that you hope he is mature enough to understand that and not make an issue of it by putting your friends down.

**higherroad** · 03-26-2009, 06:22 PM

from a guys standpoint, i can say it all depends on what type of guys they are and the relationship you have with them. if you can believe guys and girls can be friends, like myself, then you should have no problem.

but i have dated girls who thought that any girls friends were a threat because there was always that threat of a relationship. it made me doubt her ability to look at guys as just friends but rather only as suitors.

has he had any girlfriends that were just platonic. i once told a girl i dated that there were a couple of girls i was close to for many years that i treated like sisters and never would think of them any other way. how does he look at women friends. that could tell you a lot.

you seem to have a pretty honest approach to it.

**sTyLeRock** · 03-26-2009, 06:33 PM

Hi,

Does your b/f have allot of friends that are girls?

it's def jealously and also ask him the question if he believes guy's and girl's can just be friends? many people don't and see any friend of the opposite sex "making a play" for them.

I've read a couple of your posts and do believe your a good person & someone who shouldn't be in a situation where they are unhappy,

these little bits of jealously can easily turn against him and be self-destructive and they will just get worse unless you put your foot down and tell him that it's not on or speak to him about his jealousy issues ect.. ect..

Rush58 · 03-27-2009, 03:13 PM

Why does my boyfriend do this?

He does this for a number of reasons...he sounds like a pretty insecure person, and any time you bring up other guys, the way that he copes with these 'threats' is by putting them down. This makes him feel better about it because he's belittling them into something less than a man, therefore not as much a threat.

There is also the jealously issue, but I would have to say that exists in almost all relationships. While this can be considered something of a compliment (validating his genuine interest), he could be dealing with it in a more mature way. Relate this to him in a non-confrontational manner and reiterate that there's no reason for him to feel threatened by your other guy friends.

I myself am in a similar situation...my wife, despite being absolutely gorgeous, is very insecure and gets very jealous because a lot of my friends are girls. Anyways, good luck.

**ThexMrs** · 03-27-2009, 09:26 PM

Quote:

from a guys standpoint, i can say it all depends on what type of guys they are and the relationship you have with them. if you can believe guys and girls can be friends, like myself, then you should have no problem.

I do believe that men and women can be "just friends" because I have done it all of my life. As for him, he doesn't believe that. He is older than I am by 15 years and as he was raised, men and women are either together or they don't associate except for obvious situations, IE: Married couples.

Quote:

Does your b/f have allot of friends that are girls?

None.

Quote:

I've read a couple of your posts and do believe your a good person & someone who shouldn't be in a situation where they are unhappy.

Thank you love.

Quote:

This makes him feel better about it because he's belittling them into something less than a man, therefore not as much a threat. While this can be considered something of a compliment (validating his genuine interest), he could be dealing with it in a more mature way.

I understand that, thank you. I try to look at it in a complimentary way however I feel bad for my friends who he has never met and only knows about through my talking about them.

I do believe that he is insecure because I have always had men after me and he knows that I get asked out a lot BUT... I always let him know that he is the only one for me and that I love him. I'm constantly reassuring him.

Hmm... I'm kind of stuck on this right now.

03-26-2009, 01:31 PM	#1
ThexMrs Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 3,480 Blog Entries: 13	Question: Man's point of view would be nice too. Many of you know the history with my boyfriend so I don't think that I need to put any of that in here so here is my question. Why does my boyfriend do this? I have quite a few male friends. I always have. I grew up with two older brothers and men have always been there in my life. I get along with them very well. Anytime I bring up a male friend of mine, my boyfriend makes comments or digs about them. Example: Yesterday we were talking and I brought up my friend JJ. My boyfriend called him Gay Gay. Then I was talking about my friend Jason and he called him Gayson. No matter what friend it is, to him, they are always fgs, , gay, etc. Again the question is, why does he do this? __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling." Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 03-26-2009 at 03:54 PM.

03-26-2009, 04:09 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,620 Blog Entries: 8	Sounds to me like a hint of jealousy, not so much over the guys as he basically calls them gay, rather your close friendships. CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

03-26-2009, 04:29 PM	#3
sourpuss WH Moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Montana Posts: 2,157	What CW said. But I'll add that's it's immature and I think you should nip it in the bud before it becomes a habit of his and you end up blowing up at him. Just sit him down and tell him that you understand that he may feel threatened by your relationship with your male friends but that you are romantically involved with him and they are merely friends. Emphasize that you are a mature adult that is capable of having a plutonic relationship with the opposite sex and that you hope he is mature enough to understand that and not make an issue of it by putting your friends down. __________________ Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

03-26-2009, 06:33 PM	#5
sTyLeRock Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 128	:) Hi, Does your b/f have allot of friends that are girls? it's def jealously and also ask him the question if he believes guy's and girl's can just be friends? many people don't and see any friend of the opposite sex "making a play" for them. I've read a couple of your posts and do believe your a good person & someone who shouldn't be in a situation where they are unhappy, these little bits of jealously can easily turn against him and be self-destructive and they will just get worse unless you put your foot down and tell him that it's not on or speak to him about his jealousy issues ect.. ect..

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03-26-2009, 06:22 PM	#4
higherroad VIP Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 31	from a guys standpoint, i can say it all depends on what type of guys they are and the relationship you have with them. if you can believe guys and girls can be friends, like myself, then you should have no problem. but i have dated girls who thought that any girls friends were a threat because there was always that threat of a relationship. it made me doubt her ability to look at guys as just friends but rather only as suitors. has he had any girlfriends that were just platonic. i once told a girl i dated that there were a couple of girls i was close to for many years that i treated like sisters and never would think of them any other way. how does he look at women friends. that could tell you a lot. you seem to have a pretty honest approach to it.

03-27-2009, 03:13 PM	#6
Rush58 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2	Why does my boyfriend do this? He does this for a number of reasons...he sounds like a pretty insecure person, and any time you bring up other guys, the way that he copes with these 'threats' is by putting them down. This makes him feel better about it because he's belittling them into something less than a man, therefore not as much a threat. There is also the jealously issue, but I would have to say that exists in almost all relationships. While this can be considered something of a compliment (validating his genuine interest), he could be dealing with it in a more mature way. Relate this to him in a non-confrontational manner and reiterate that there's no reason for him to feel threatened by your other guy friends. I myself am in a similar situation...my wife, despite being absolutely gorgeous, is very insecure and gets very jealous because a lot of my friends are girls. Anyways, good luck.

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