so after some invaluable advice and some counseling sessions i am starting to get my feet back under me.

i revisited my old marriage counselor from years ago who is very famlliar with my codependent habits and my ex wifes bpd.

after giving him a run down of my recent break up, he was not surprised at the almost identical similarities. although i was aware of the issues and saw the red flags, i still got sucked in. as he said it was like at least this time i was aware of the addiction, i just couldnt stop it.

the one thing he did say that i am questioning was that he said my ex girlfriend had the emotional age of a young teenager, there is no doubt about that. and her youthfulness was very attractive to me, almost making me feel very young again. however he said that our strong attraction was also due to us having the same emotional level.

i also found out that my disdain for her past affair was due to the fact that whole dynamics of being rescued reminded me so much of my marriage and everything i didnt want in my relationship with her. when i found out it wasnt quite as informal but actually more to it i realized she and i were doing the same dance, and that was so what i wanted to avoid. i told her from the get go, i will not try to fix you or rescue you.