Thread: He's living in the past.

from what i am learning, and i might be to close to the same situation is that there are two parts to it. living in the past is a real tough thing for any relationship.

if you have worked through your past and can honestly say and act that way, then that is the first step. if he interprets it differently, then he either needs to be reassured and if can't be comfortable with it, then it may haunt your relationship forever.

sometimes people cant work through others past because they have not worked through their own. if you take a healthy approach to your past and are honest about it, then the rest is up to him. it does not seem anything in your past is that questionable.

my ex had so much problems with my ex wife, even though i was fully over here. i had absolutely no problem with her ex husband and actually liked him. i accepted it.

but i ran into a problem with her affair relationship, because it was not only really messy but she had not worked through it. she had carried a lot of that baggage into our relationship. from what you have said it seems like you have worked through it. i think once you do that you can live in the now.

i think the fact that it was a high school romance, really makes it that much more difficult as some people can't leave that part of their life behind.

thank you for your response, yeah hes very insecure from what I know about him, he always tells me that he hates that there were others before him but he knows he cant do anything about it, he hates that i have a bond with certain family members of my ex and he has said before "I wish you were like that with my family"....I dont kno what to do now.....he obviously doesnt want to leave or would have left when I commanded if he cant deal with it leave, yeah he left...and came back hrs later and layed beside me and went to sleep. .. im really confused.

i would imagine totally confused especially when you get mixed messages from him, pushing and pulling you.

i dont know if this will help but i had many many more relationships than my ex. she mentioned that all mine were great and hers weren't. i was totally honest with her saying not all of mine were good but most importantly that ours was different and unique in our own way. i thought it was good that i had some good relationships and had very good closures on most of them. i was totally honest on the relationships that were bad.

i am starting to realize that may have made her feel very uneven in the relationship, however i tried to reinforce that we could make ours anything we wanted to. i felt really comfortable about her early high school relationship because it was healthy and that says a lot about our ability to have one. but where it got ugly was that she would hold on to "bad" relationships and it carried over into the now of ours. it does not seem like you are doing that but actually taking a healthy approach to it.

what was his past relationships like? if they were unhealthy maybe that can say something, as he may feel slighted.

would be interested to hear cw's perspective on this.

I wish I could say he's had relationships, in HS he dated one girl for 2 years and after that he NEVER NEVER dated anybody again until NOW..mind you that was years and years ago..I'm his first adult relationship, first time living with someone also.....he waited the 6years I was with my ex to be with me as he says....and now this...

wow thats got to be real tough and actually i am learning from your relationship a bit.

when there is such a disparity in experience, that can really cause some problems as i have witnessed first hand. my ex was always obsessed with it.

i guess he may still be living back in high school and cant get over it, leaving him unable to live in the now.

i had sometimes considered tell my ex go out and date and see if that makes a difference. but personally, i would look at a woman who had positive relationships as a great sign that she knows how to work through them, however the key thing would be comfortable with her having closures with them.

so many people fall back on their ex loves because, they are unhappy with the now. thats a big statement.

I came home early from work n no words have been spoken he got up n went to shower which probably means He's heading out idk what's happening really.

i am by no means an expert, so it would be good to hear others but when i was faced with similar circumstances, i have learned to let it go and not react when it such a vulnerable state. best to address with a clear head and emotions.

most of the time, space and time, will clear things out. dont feel like you have to control or address everything right away.

so many times we think that if we spend time apart for whatever a day, weekend, week it will only make things work, i think we do that because we are afraid it might not work out. its scary.

but its better to address when your more secure with your emotions and can take a good look at the situation.