Thread: I'm hurting and I don't think I can be rational.

Xmrs, sometimes you just know in your gut and no explanation or proof is really needed. Sometimes though, our guts are so very wrong. Me, personally, I am so very insecure and in real relationship for the first time in my life and I have made a prior commitment to myself before starting it that I was not going to let myself drive myself crazy and sabotage any chance at happiness I may have.

Once we start to lose trust, boom - all down hill from there. Whats real , not real doesn't matter anymore because what we imagine COULD have happened hurts us enough to make them miserable over it regardless of what DID actually happen.

We are all human beings, we all have faults, everyone has different needs when it comes to feeling like a balanced person. Some need the ego-stroke of knowing they COULD hook up if they wanted to, even if they have no intention to. For men its different than women. They don't get the catcalls, the random girls asking for their number or girls eyeing them up and down , honking them as they walk by etc..as much women do.

If a woman is feeling down she can dress herself up and hit even a grocery store to feel like she has still got it. A guy, well... if he's feeling down about himself and isn't brad pitt, he's not going to know if he's attractive to women unless he chats them up and flirts a bit. Its a dangerous game because for some men, they are only as faithful as their options and could end up hopping into bed with everyone that gives them the time of day. I would NOT be happy if my boyfriend needed to do that to feel good about himself, so that is where compatibility comes into play. You have to find someone that won't do things you absolutely can't handle.

Thing is you can't possibly know what is going on in his brain as to why he is doing that without asking him. And he may not realize the extent of damage he is doing to your trust by communicating with random girls online. If you really care about him and want to make it work you have to talk to him and listen to what is really going on without any judgment or getting angry. Then once he has told you what he is willing to give up to make you happy and what he absolutely won't stop.. then you will have to decide for yourself if he really is the right match for you.

But you might be jumping the gun without having that open honest dialogue and missing out on something that could make you happy. We tend to throw in the towel too quick when trust issues are involved and I know from your previous posts that you are very very concerned with him cheating on you. But if he hasn't done it, worrying about if and when he will ever do that is only going to make you unhappy. Its crying over milk that has not even spilled yet.

Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best with healing from this hurt. I guess if we didn't have things that brought us pain and misery and heartache, we wouldn't even begin to know how to appreciate the things that bring us pure joy. If you decide to stick it out with him and worth through his behaviors, do yourself a favor and be open to talking to him about what he is doing, if your only response is anger and threatning to break up that is not producing an enviorment where he will want to be honest with you and you need that to help you decide if you care to hang in there or not.

I was right as I suspected. He was texting another woman while we were on the phone and yes he lied about being on the computer. He said that he knew how I would react so he lied about texting her.

Her name is Tracy and he works with her. He says he doesn't know how old she is and he also said he's not attracted to her. Apparently, they're "smoking" buddies at work I guess. He says that that was the first time they'd text and the only reason they exchanged numbers was because she needs help moving. This happened two weeks ago that they exchanged numbers. He also said that she has two kids and he has no interest in her.

I flat out asked him if there was something going on. I don't feel that a woman would text him at almost 11 pm just to mention something about a tv show. It just seems weird to me. He says that nothing is going on and that there is no one else.

I asked him why he didn't reply to my email and why he didn't call or text which I knew he wouldn't and I already know why but I wanted to see what he would say. He said that he knew two lines (which is normal for him in emails) wouldn't be sufficient and I would be mad about that and also that he felt when I was ready to talk that we would and I would call him.

That's what you call a coward. This is the way it always is. He does something wrong and I have to be the bigger person and say that we need to talk about it. I called him and he didn't answer so I sent him a text asking about the project he had due at work today. He called me back and we talked about that. I then said how I hadn't eaten since yesterday and how I'd been sick. He said, oh honey, blah blah blah. So that's how we got into this conversation. He said it's ridiculous but I don't know.