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Reply With Quoteits good to see you are doing well, about the girlfriend thing. women love a challenge, saying that is probably a HUGE turn on, but at least you are being honest. take care.
An update on ME :P
hey everyone, been months, I know... been busy.
Well I think the final stipulation is being drawn up now. My divorce will be finalized hopefully sometime this week! From the beginning being something I did not want to now something I am trying to get finished its been crazy. She lost her mind a little bit here and there once I got home, made a lot of threats, outrageous demands in the divorce, even refused to let me see my son one weekend (violated separation agreement, she got in trouble :P )
holding out has gotten me what I asked for, namely time with my son! And I feel its worth it to have to have dealt with her for so much longer than I would have liked to.
In recent developments, she emailed "the new family pic" to my parents, her, the other guy, my son, and even my chihuahua all out in the mountains of Colorado. I don't know why she sent it to my parents but its kinda funny, I had an idea who the guy is (since its a guy she works with) and just seeing him confirmed it, whats funny to me and several other people...
she went from a 6ft tall 190lb special forces guy who does a lot of mixed martial arts, to a 5'3" body less tool, whats confusing about that is where is the sense of physical security, who's he going to fight off? my old chihuahua?? It doesn't make sense to me, but then I haven't tried to make any sense of it, seeing a picture of the two of them together reminded me of that show "little people big world" lol. What really irked me about the pic was my son was being held by the boyfriend... now, I have not introduced any of the women I have spent some time with since being home and newly single to my son, and I have no plans to, its not right, but I sure as would not be trying to get them to play mommy to my son...
Also, an uncle told me she called him asking for money to help her pay for her lawyer, as if they were on her side and all... totally random
and finally, one of her best friends that now disowns her told me this Saturday night, "I never mentioned this because you two seemed happy together and I didn't want to ruin it, but she got drunk one night and admitted to cheating on you in 2004 while she was deployed" - that confirms what I all ready suspected, the marriage up to that point was work sure, was odd at times, but fairly normal in my mind, then after that deployment she came home and all trust was gone and all of a sudden i was a horrible person that could not be trusted. Now I know for sure exactly why, no more suspicions. I did not lose any sleep over this but it was just a little unnerving to hear it and actually be from someone I trust fairly well.
in any matter, she is trying to be overly friendly now that we have our final agreement being written up and its a little odd to me, I don't let it phase me because it allows me access to my son more often, and I wont get angry at that in the least.
I have just been being me, daddy when I have my son and a single guy when I don't, I've met several women that blow my X out of the water in looks AND even personality (yeah i have a bit of a shallow side to me, HAHA :P )
most of the women I have dated all want a relationship and I have told them I am not in the mindset I would like to be in for a relationship, I don't think I would treat the women properly as a girlfriend and I don't want them to be the ones who suffer, I tell them we can talk abut that's it, and they stay, tell me how much of a good guy I am even when they know we aren't exclusive, and yet they still stay around and sorta try to be girlfriendish with me. I don't really understand that, but I am honest with them when I say "I don't want a girlfriend right now" do they not believe me?
other than that, life is good, cant really complain other than I have to deal with the X, lol, but that is not going away any time soon.
Just thought I would let you all know I am still breathing and life is moving on as I hoped it would. Hope all is well with you.
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"
its good to see you are doing well, about the girlfriend thing. women love a challenge, saying that is probably a HUGE turn on, but at least you are being honest. take care.
Glad to hear all this. You're right the ladies really don't get it. Just keep it honest. You are wise to take some time to adjust before looking at a fixed relationship and it is a good idea not to involve them in your son's life at this point.
Sounds like your ex went for the opposite of you - who knows why, bet she doesn't. Anyway the important question for you is how he treats your son when he's around him.
Geez, start a new thread why don't you!!!! I mean life... haha.
Good to hear from you Thack..
You realise your doing the whole "honerable thing" you probably also mention that you wouldn't let a new woman near your son, unless you were sure it was going to be a long term relationship. I mean yeah "Happy Ending" what a challenge whoo hoo pick me, pick me... haha.
6ft, blonde, good looking, a Soldier, pfttt.... You got 20 more women coming along soon don't worry...
I agree with WildChild, doesn't matter how short this guy is, as long as he's good to your son, but yeah kind of sucks as well knowing that he's there in your son's life but on the same accord, he will always know who his Daddy is, it's a life thing with you... Who knows with him.
Sorry she cheated on you but see how things come out eventually, you can feel happy knowing that you were, well, honerable right till the end.
Sweet dreams.
Oh i don't have to say that anymore, your back home.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Trying to do the right thing, for my son, for me, and also for the new women in my life. They do not deserve to be lied to and led on as to where I am going right now.
Honestly I don't know what I want, I wouldnt mind having someone to call my own, but at the same time I dont know if I could treat them the way they would need. IF I could be faithful or honorable in certain situations, SO, I just tell them exactly that, I will not settle down and get into a full on relationship until I am sure I can be faithful without question, and give them every bit of what is me.
Today the X started an argument, and I said what I've been holding back for a long time, I told her this
"XXXXXXX(name)XXXXX you should have stayed with that guy you picked in 2004, because the guilt you pushed onto me and projected the whole time since then is what caused the rift in our relationship, it drove me to do what I was doing and just kept you from being a good person. I know what you did because you showed every single sign in the book and you told people about it, the honorable ones came to me and I tried to look past it, I tried to forgive, but when you try to punish me for your mistake for 4 years, it put me in a weird place in my life as well as ruined our marriage. IF your new guy controls you he has good reason, I am not concerned with you any more, keep your issues with you, I deserve better than you.. happy trails"
this came after she started bagging on me about how I am with my son (just fine in my opinion as well as everyone who has seen me with him, I am tired of her trying to make me sound like some horrible guy. I am not, I do not view myself as some hot hunk, or the stud of the town, but I do know that I am a good guy, and once a girl can get passed the fact that I am no brad pit :P then they usually get attached to me really fast, (i dont know if thats all women lol) and i hear nothing from them but how good i am and how much better than most of the men they've spent time with, its flattering and awkward at the same time lol.
So she got all defensive and told me i was stupid and I could believe what I wanted to, to that i replied "hope that little bit of time you spent the first time you cheated was worth the rest of your life knowing you were an unfaithful wife"
she spurred me to say things, I dont regret it, I actually feel good and I have asked a couple of people if i went to far and they simply said, she deserves to hear the truth, stop trying to accept blame.(edit) her.. (these are old mutual friends that have severed ties with her)
crazy-ness lol, interesting day, but not a bad one overall. Only downside, I worked too late to pick up my son for my tuesday night visit
Divorce papers are being worked up right now to finalize everything, and I cant wait. It will be nice to not have to tell women "im separated and just about to be totally free" -again, not going to lie, what does that get you..
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 05-05-2009 at 06:46 PM. Reason: no swear words.....
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"
Until you finally get closure, you won't be able to move on....
There is still things to deal with emotionally, but I think the Divorce papers will help immensely.
I also have finally filed for mine but I suspect "he" is going to take his sweet time ...
Keep strong, keep smiling.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Great to hear from you Thack! Glad everything is going along for you. If you are not ready for a relationship then being honest is the best route. If those women don't believe you that is not your problem if you are being honest. Its all good just to get out and expand your circle of friends and meet new people.
Your X is just werid sending the new family pic to your parents and contacting your relatives for money for a lawyer. She just still wants to get a rise out of ya somehow. Her bad behavior is her Karma... your reactions are your Karma.
good to hear from ya!
Yeah, I know closure will be nice, all I want is it to be finalized. I dont get emotional any more, thankfully, but she did start in on my fathering skills and how I am with my son (absolutely nothing wrong with me and my son) and it just made me loosen the tongue a little bit, letting go some of the things i've been holding in for years. Trying to shoulder the burden of blame for everything when I knew deep down that I was not a bad man, and I was faithful while she wasnt. SO, oh well, I am happy, I have a few women in my life and yes, I am honest with them about everything with them. And they say they understand and dont mind, time will tell lol.
As for Karma, I am doing my best 99.9% of the time to bite my tongue, look the other way, and just let things roll off, because I paid for whatever bad I did last year till now, dealing with a divorce, I know its not 100% on her, but its not 100% on me either, her infidelity was definitely a large portion of things and I dealt with it poorly, so here I am today, learning how to move forward every day, most days are fairly happy, some are really nice, and there is an occasional angry day, but those are fewer and fewer. I did not feel bad after telling her what I did the other day, I felt she kept saying she deserved this, and that, and blah blah blah, well I gave her what I felt she deserved, the truth!
she's weird and I dont waste time trying to figure out why she does things any more, I just blow it off. Gotten into some really good stress relieving activities.
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"
Good, I hope you are able to really let go of this. Holding on to old bagage can cause a lot of grief. She has to live with her stuff and it's not unusual for people to try to make it someone else's problem. Just stay positive for you son, he doesn't need to be in the middle. Someday he may want to know what split his parents and then you will have to decide how to explain it but keep him happily out of it as long as you can.
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