Please help - last resort :(

**pink_d** · 05-19-2009 07:59 AM

hi..i really need some help...im so emotionally drained at this point that i feel like i've run out of options and that you guys are my last chance..

i warn you, this might be a little complication but here goes..

8 years ago, when i was in 10th grade, i met this boy whom i madly fell in love with..after being good friends for a little over a year we started dating...from that time on, it's been pretty rocky...with him leaving the country to go to university...then me leaving the area to go to university (before that, we were separated by countries, but in the same area code and time zone...when i left for school, we faced being halfway across the world from each other and an 8 hour time difference)...so from then until now *8 years) we're been together...but on and off...we turned out to be a pretty dramatic couple..awlays having the worst fights..and i always felt like i shud just end it once and for all for peace of mind...even though i loved him so much...so come last november, he had been neglecting me for a little over 2 months (he had finals and apparently in med school that leaves no time for anyone elsE)...anyways i felt so badly about myself becausei thought that maybe it was me he didnt want that i made a HUGE mistake and ended up cheating on him..something ive never done...something ive always been so against...but at the point in time i needed to know that i was wanted by soemone because he sure as didnt show that he wanted me..

anyways, because he feels so strongly about me, i couldnt face him with the truth and so instead, i saw this as my ticket out (cowardly, i know) and broke up with him in an email...it was a pretty serious break up where he was pretty much dying everyday without me and i just wanted nothing to do with him....so u can imagine how dramatic things got when id recieve emails everyday telling me how his life meant nothing without me nad how he's always going to sit there and wait for me to come back etc tc etc...yes, he gets crazy passionate about me...

anyways, fast forward four months later, we had started talking again...and it INSTANTLY clicked with us..of course..so we decided to give the whole long distance thing another go...the first month was pure bliss. he treated me like a queen..i got all the attention int he world..he was literally, every girls dream...then after that, once he realized that i fell hard for him again, things started to get weird..he started acting strange..started not giving me that attention as much..fast forward another month to now, we're in crisis mode...whenever i let him know that he's acting diffrently or that he's changed, he calls me crazy..if i point out that he's not the same as he was a month ago, he says "the guy you fell in love with a month ago isn't here anymore..you have to realize he's only here when im not stressed...otherwise, you get this" WHAT THE DOES THAT EVEN MEAN????? we had one hugely massive fight where i vocalized how upset i was getting about the situation and after he called me crayz for a while he said he would work on it...did he work on anything? no. a week later im still going nuts because by this point we dont exchange even an email a week...all conversation has died out...and he sends me an email saying that he doesnt know what to do anymore to make me happy and that he's tried everything....but i really dont see how he could have tried anything if he hasnt tried contacting me in over a week in any way. shape or form????? i've literally been put on the back burner..if i call or text or email, i get IGNORED. in every possible way...

and believe me, im not the clingy type s its not like in my head he's ignoring me because he's not there all the time..no he's NEVER around for me anymore...and i dont know what to do..i dont know what to think...i dont know if this is all maybe my fault in a way..

can you please help? maybe you can see things from an outside perspective..something im blinded to...thank you :'(

**dr.mansview** · 05-19-2009 08:57 AM

this is from a man's point of view..i see nothing to indicate that he wants you..maybe he just wants you there to fill in the empty gaps in his life, such as when he is between relationships..since you don't see him or talk to him, i'm sure he has been seeing other girls..he is using you to fall back on.. if he's not e-mailing or calling you then he is busy doing something else like dating or hanging out with his buddies..you probably don't want to hear this but cut off all contact with him..when there is a down time in his schedule he will no doubt try to contact you again..ignore it and go on with your life..you deserve someone better..

**dr.mansview** · 05-19-2009 09:01 AM

p.s.-welcome to the site..you will get other respnses form the many women here..probably give more sensible advice than i can since many here have probably been thru your situation before..don't like to admit it, but yes, men can be jerks..

**pink_d** · 05-19-2009 09:21 AM

thanks for your response dr mansview

i dont think hes seeing other girls..we've had a pretty relationship going and i know this guy super well..i trust that he/s not seeing anyone else..what he's so crazy busy with is being a doctor. he just graduated from med school recently and is working stupid shifts at the hospital, all while trying to study for other exams..
but i will take your advice into consideration..this is doing more harm than good i guess..
everything has to come to an end at some point, right?

**sourpuss** · 05-19-2009 09:52 AM

I agree with dr.M. Seems like he just wants to string you along to satisfy his own ego. He does exactly what he needs to do after you've given up, to get you back and then he's right back to ignoring you. Do you really want to be treated like that?

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-19-2009 10:02 AM

Do you think he has fully forgiven you for the cheating? He probably says he has, but do you think in his heart that he has really let it go? Or the fact that he begged you to be with him afterwords and was miserable without you... are you sure he is over that? I ask because he might be subconsciously punishing you. Some people will do that, either conciously or unconsously. They are able to justify bad behavior, cruel or indifferent behavior in their own head by reminding themselves what the other person did that was so much worse.

If that is the case, make sure to wear your protective gear as it is going to be a bumpy ride. If you think he is fine with all that, isn't trying to get back at you and really is just busy with school than you should probably not freak out when he goes days without contacting and get use to the work comes first life that doctors choose (I don't mean that harshly) its just they really do dedicate their life to their passion of healing and if you are going to be with this man, you are going to have to get comfy with taking a backseat to the greater good.

**Favored** · 05-19-2009 01:35 PM

I completely agree with Dr. Mansview. I mean he is a man, and who can tell you better than a man?!?!

I've been where you are with my ex being in the military. On and off type thing. I will say this...while I definately believe he is consumed with medical school and working at hospital....Steve Harvey said it best....WHEN A MAN IS INTERESTED IN A LADY, HE WILL MAKE IT KNOWN. HE WILL GO THROUGH AND HIGH WATER TO LET THE WOMEN KNOW HE WANTS HER. With that being said take the advice of Dr. Mansview and move on now.

I've learned from experience that you can't get in too deep with a man. I know ppl still believe in love and all that, and all that is well and good, but when you get tired of getting your heart broke, you will learn to love with your head and not your heart. Good luck!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-19-2009 06:37 PM

the guy you fell in love with a month ago isn't here anymore..you have to realize he's only here when im not stressed...otherwise, you get this"

That's really the bottom line love.. He's told you straight out, this is your life, take it or leave it, when I am not stressed I will give you attention, when I am forget it, deal with it.

Is that really the relationship you are after?

Long distance is difficult within itself, I am in a long distance relationship, Australia - America, now how long distance can you get?

But i can tell you that i speak with him "every day", he may miss one day a week, but he's eager to speak earlier the next day, and this is 7 months down the track, "every day", even if it's just a quick hello because of time difference, it's there.

There is no excuse for not shooting of an email, " hey babe, geez what a long day it was today, thinking of you talk tomorrow"....

Wouldn't that surfice? Make you feel a part of him?

All guys, will whoo back a woman when they lose her "control", and once done, go back to their old pattern.

If the old pattern is like a shoe that doesn't fit? It doesn't fit because that in reality is the shoe you have to wear, not the glass slipper that finds it way to you and then gets lost for a while, then comes back.

Relationships aren't "go away, come back, go away, come back"...

Time to find someone that you can feel whole with.....

CW

**Joy** · 05-19-2009 08:22 PM

I think a person man or woman who becomes a DR needs to be with soemone who is very interested in self development. They need someone who is just as into their studies and career path. Being a DR is so much more than a career you give so much of yourself. I dont doubt you guys love each other but you did cheat cause you needed more. Lots of people cheat to justify getting out of a relationship.

If you want your bf to be someone who is right there to hold you when you need it then you need a bf in the same city as you.

Unless you totally see the big picture in this where once you are done school you can envision your house, yourlife together then i say think about exploring life and men in your city and forget this

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