Thread: Seeking advice and guidance for my MLC

I'm a 40+ housewife with a 5 years old kid
I hope someone can give me some advice on the MLC that I'm facing
Here's my story

Anytime in my life bfore 2 years ago, like many others, i would swear by cutting my head off if i allow affair from my husband or i would have one. but today i have got more than 3 relationship with men outside of marriage.

At first, it was A triggered me into the possibility and i didnt want it, i hated him, i ignore him, then he gave up and be gone.

Then I met B and C and D and so forth and I realized that i cant be a wife to hubby, E, anymore due to the mentally and physically unfaithfulness. As a nice and kind person like E, i predict 90% he would forgive me and willing to forget everything and come all over again with me, as long as i admit it to him and promise to continue being a perfect wife and mom for his kids for him. But the thing is, i cant. I used to live in shadow of hiding secret* from him in the past decade and i really dont like ot have this feeling anymore.

secret*=i wasnt a virgin when i was with him, we talked, we went thr, he thou it was settled but to me it isnt. i admit im stubborn but by hating my own past i wish to receive more confirmation from him, not only on bed, but also in daily life and during critical emergencies issues... but each time, i found myself being excluded, ignored, shut off, not to be trusted on.... virgin or not i knwo it is not improtant to a 10yrs mariage, but im talking on spiritually for the two to continue.... last yr while we tried to talk on this issue, he asked me why divorce, i told him, in fact i have been telling him all along that i dont like to be excluded in all ways, but he never do much... now, he sweared to god that he never mind of it at all like he said day 1, i trust him with my heart, but somehow, i know, being a virgin himself and a traditional man, i know it is never ever going to be like what he said. BUT i dont take this seriously, my complaints r more about others, eg, im being excluded in other ways...

ABCD are all married with family, some with kids, some dont. i found them compatible with me in most aspects, mostly, i found them being a caring and understanding person to me than E would be.

To me, divorce is a must. I will try to be the best mother i could for my children, except i might not be able to be with them daily. Im from a broken family without mother since birth, i know how one would feel without mom, i sincerely do, but it doesnt mean im willing to sacrifice my future for them. Being my kids, i believe i have some sort of ways to shape them into understanding my situation and my desire, lust, n needs. I believe I grew up being a more mature one than the others in the same age range, i dont mind my kids being someone mature like I do.

My plan, i dont know. I will not remarry be a wife/mom again cos im truly exhuasted, or at least i'd like to think that i dont... anyway, when i make this decision, somehow im wishing i can go on further with any of ABCD, we are not into this topic yet cos they dont want to be the reason to cause me divorce and id ont want them to be too.

*

NOW, i m wishing to talk to more wise mature ladies here to share (men are welcome too, but ladies are my main target that i long to talk to)

1) What do you think for above confession?

2) Have u came across this?

3) What was the cause to cause you having/had an affair?

4) What have u done?

5) What will you do?

6) What do u think I should do?

Sincere friendship from anyone is seriously needed.