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Thread: How to get rid of manipulative "boyfriend"

  1. #1
    Junior Member Array maxxyknight's Avatar
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    Unhappy How to get rid of manipulative "boyfriend"


    Ok bear with me first time here. I need some help/advice. Short version of what happen. Divorced Sept 2007. Met a guy online then in person Jan 2008. We got along amazingly well (should have been my 1st warning) He moved into my Apt in May 2008. Aug 2008 his brother gets into trouble and ends up stealling 2000.00 fm us and forging cheques, stabs his uncle and goes to quebec prison. Sept 2008 his parents moved to montreal and he said they were building a house for us. Oct 2008 the mother of his 2 yr old son "committed suicide". November 2008 i found out i was preg. Dec 2008 i misscarried. Jan 2009 week before our "move" his dad dies. Feb 2009 day before we "move" ALL (edit) breaks loose. EVERYthing I just told you was a lie told to me (except the preg part). There is no brother he is an only child, and he was the one that stoled the money, there is no uncle, his parents aren't rich and live near by us in a trailer, so there is no house, the mother of his child is alive and he never divorced her and he had been sleeping with the whole year while i was at work and pregnant too i might add and his dad never died. so there you have my story in a nut shell.
    for the past 3 months i have been trying to get rid of him. I have been brought up in a type of family where you keep things to yourself.. i'm shy and sometimes insecure... yes even at 40 yrs old. He just got a great job in March (mind you it doesn't) which i'm happy for but if i kick him out he has no place to go, no car and could lose that job. my whole life i have never been harsh to anyone in my life. and everytime i get upset he starts crying and panickying and getting sick and for me that is a huge guilt trip and hurts me to see someone else hurt. sometimes i wish someone would just come to my place and tell him to leave and get out when i'm not there. anyone have any advice on how to do that aside from calling the police.
    Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 05-27-2009 at 06:25 PM. Reason: can't type words with *, to create words not allowed
    MaxxyKnight

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    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Maxxy he sounds like a living nightmare. Get a restraining order, get a police officer to come to your home while you evict him, restraining order in hand. He sounds dangerous on top of manipulative, anyone that would come up with those kind of lies is up to no good. He has stolen from you, he sounds pretty pathological , mind you I'm no psychiatrist, but good grief it doesn't seem he has much of a conscience. These are the meeting someone online stories that make up a good portion of why a lot of people refuse to get to know someone this way.

    It is way too easy for someone to create an exsistence to a trusting person and you have no real way of knowing the truth til its too late. Not saying all people met online are out to harm, cheat or take advantage, but there is a cautionary tale that lies in what you have posted that most people are wise to heed. I think meeting online is as good of a place as any but I think a person has to put in some extra effort on learning more about the persons background after meeting, but meeting someone anywhere else is really no different all things being equal.

    Anyways if you want him out, don't do it alone. You don't know him at all it seems, much less what kind of manipulation he may yet still be capable of.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Ah, your first clue should have been that he was in prison. He has some place to go, he has parents and a pregnant wife. Tell him good bye, get out and don't come back. How he gets to work isn't your concern, what he does and where he goes isn't your concern. Keeping yourself save is your concern and it could get ugly before he actually goes. Be careful, be firm and consider moving someplace he can't find you.

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    Junior Member Array maxxyknight's Avatar
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    no he wasn't in prison, he said his "brother" went to prison, and i was the one who was preg. and as for leaving..impossible its my apartment but like Hopeless Dork said and i will take is i am not going to do it alone get a few ppl there to tell him to leave. god why do i feel like the super guilty one here.
    MaxxyKnight

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    You have nothing to feel guilty about, he has lied and manipulated you. Now you need to take back your life and protect your self. If he never divorced his wife he is still married to her and can move in with her or with his parents. Then give yourself time to get your life back on track, you know get out with freinds and do things you enjoy. There are a kot of good men in the world, don't let one loser take you chances of a good relationship away.

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    Im sorry to hear about your situation, you have nothing to feel bad about telling him to leave, getting a restraining order changing your locks phone numbers what ever is necissary to get rid of this guy. By the sounds of it you wouldn't be the first person he has done this too and is probably used to it.
    You cant build a relationship with someone that has told this big of a lie to you how would you ever trust him again and if he cared so much about you he wouldn't of stole from you wouldn't of cheated on you and he wouldn't of lied to you either. Tell him to get out, let him move back in with his parents or where ever people like this have not a care in the world for anyone else so why should you worry?

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    The only way you can look at this is "tough"...

    At 40 years of age, and I suspect he is a grown man himself, do you seriously think you are the first person he has manipulated, into believing things so he can use?

    And, the crying, is another manipulation, he probably learnt as a child how to do, to win.

    This isn't a stray cat love, that you took in.. It's a person whom has used you, lied to you, stolen from you, you don't have to feel guilty at all.

    Change the locks on your door, put his gear on the front door step, go stay with your parents for a few days, (checking with them, not alone) that he has been and gone, and then take 10 deep breathes and start again..

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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    i know you feel guilty thats what manipulators do - save yourself he will find some one else to leach off. he probably has his next victim lined up already. as the previous posters have said - change the locks, get a restraining order, or you are asking for years of misery. take it from one who knows!

  9. #9
    Junior Member Array maxxyknight's Avatar
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    thanks for the comments. He gets his own car in a week and his own insurance in two weeks, Come that time i'm telling him on a friday night to leave and having my father come down.. very big and intimidating man. lol .. yes i'm still a daddy's girl even at my age lol. feeling much better now that i have a plan in place. i need to make sure i have my own car back...cuz i'm not moving him out he is taking his own beeep and leaving lol .plus i want to leave for that weekend so i don't have to listen to him cry and whine he can go do that at his parents place. i just hope he doesn't force me to get a restraining order or call the police because he takes things when he goes that doesn't belong to him. heres to crossing my fingers
    MaxxyKnight

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    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    Take care. Sometimes, a man loves (obsess is a better word actually), you so much that he'd turn into this ugly man...and might change your entire being in a flash. This happened to me. I am just glad that you don't have to experience the ordeal I was in. Cling on to your dear daddy. Tell us how it went.
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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