Never felt so lonely in my life

**kgo** · 05-28-2009 07:14 PM

OK, so I recently went through a hard time with my boyfriend of 2 years. We were back together and everything was going great. I have this friend who I only see on the weekends (I only see him on the weekends pretty much too because we live an hour apart) so anyway, we had a little tiff and it wasn't a big deal. Well my "friend" who I've become kinda close to in the last little while broke up with her boyfriend and she started texting him. She said she was going to talk to him about being nice and bla bla bla. Well, she pissed me off one weekend and I was kinda a little upset so I talked to my boyfriend about it. Today, I grabbed his phone to get a phone number out of it and he freaked out and I was like "What ar eyou hiding?" because he never cares usually I'm the only person who texts him. Well, he was like "i dont care, you can look thru it" so i looked at the messages jus tjokingly and I saw she'd been texting him. They were talking about me and this was right after our little tiff and he was saying he might get rid of me, and she said something about me and then he told her I got mad at her and complain and she agreed that I complain all the time and he was liek "well dont take it personally" and they kinda talked dirt about me for a little bit. I was so shocked and he felt really bad and told me he loved me and we had a big talk after they had texted and he said that he was just upset bla bla bla. Well, not only am i hurt that he said that stuff but I'm upset because she was trying to get with him. He usually tells me to stop being so insecure and that I'm acting ridiculous when I get upset but tonight he sat me down, looked me in the eyes and told me he loved me, and that after talking to her (cause she kinda said some y things to him) that he realized he loved me and told me how special I was to him and he held me and I think he felt really bad because he said those things right after we had an argument.

I have never felt so alone ever before, I worked all throughout highschool 2 or 3 jobs at a time and I don't have any real friends that I can talk to about this kind of stuff. My best friend that I used to run to for everything moved to Scotland (I'm in Canada) to live with her boyfriend and I literally feel like I have no one. I looked through my phonebook list, I looked on my MSN and there is no one that I feel like I can go to talk to. Now that my "friend" and boyfriend did this I feel like i really have no one left. I feel bad talking to my friend overseas about it because I know she's a little homsick and I dont like to bring her down because she loves me and she feels really bad when she can't be here for me.

I'm not even mad at my boyfriend and my friend I'm just so hurt. I don't even WANT to be friends with anyone, I just want to be alone because everytime I get excited that I meet someone that I have fun with and can talk to it seems they just turn around and do thiskind of stuff. I know this is "just life" and people do this kind of stuff but I guess it's kind of a hard lesson to learn and I'm looking for some advice or some words of wisdom I guess that maybe I can think about to take my mind off things.

I feel horrible about myself, it just sucks because I've always had my own vehicle and money (since I worked so much) and always put so much effort into my friends, I'd always go pick them up and pay for stuff and I just would do anything for anyone because I like to believe that there is good in everyone but now I dont see it that way. everyone is a horrible person deep down and is capable of terrible things. I just feel used and useless.

Any responses would be so much appreciated. I really like this forum, I read it almost everyday.

**dr.mansview** · 05-28-2009 10:53 PM

you sound like a very caring person..would give the shirt off your back to help someone..unfortunately not everyone is like that..perhaps you need to weed out some of your friends..hang out with the ones whose personality and temperment is more like yours..some so called friends may just be using you..

**WildChild** · 05-29-2009 07:04 AM

Oh no dear, there are many good people in the world. far more than bad people. But you have to learn to recieve as well as give. What these two did wasn't nice but sometimes people get a little frustrated or something and vent without really meaning it. Before the age of texting it would have been verbal and he would have it out of system and you none the wiser. It may be that was what your bf was doing. He let you read it and he says he loves you. He could have used it as an opportunity to say good bye if that was what he wanted.

Instead of curling up in a ball and hiding, you need toget out and meet more people. Put on your lovely smile start going places. THe more people you meet the more you increase your chances of making some good friends. You have to keep it balanced. If you consistantly give to much you don't allow them to reciprocate. You like to give, so do they. Don't take that away from them. Otherwise all you'll attract are takers because that's all you are allowing.

**yellowpiXi3** · 05-29-2009 12:39 PM

first off. why is your boyfriend talking to your "friend" about his problems with you. and why do they have each other's number? i am sorry that you are going through this right now. but to be honest you don't really need that. also, you shouldn't talk to your boyfriend or friend about everything you feel. sometimes we tend to make people our therapist. although, it may feel good to talk about things at the time; but in the long run it will bite you in the . if you have enough money you should seek some help about being lonely. sometimes we just need people to guide us in the right direction.
because if you start talking about your problems to someone that is more qualified to listen and help you deal with them; you can talk about other things with your "friend" and bf.
i really hope you know that there are other people out there that have the potential of being a great friend. you can start here!

good luck!

<3

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-29-2009 12:54 PM

Women can be so conniving. I hate to speak so unkind of my own gender... but its true and we all know it. A comedian I was watching made an observation that was all too real:

When a guy meets his friends girlfriend, he will say 'oh shes beautiful and so wonderful, wow - I gotta get me a girl LIKE THAT.

When a girl meets her friends boyfriend, she will say ' oh hes so cute, and so great, wow- I gotta have HIM.

Paraphrasing but that was the jyst. And in all my experiences with girlfriends when I was in my late teen's early 20's its always been the case. Girls are inherently jealous of their friends in a lot of cases, and want everything they have including their boyfriend if he's a great guy.

Not saying that is what she is targetting, but even if she isn't seeking to cheat with him, she is seeking to possess a part of him that she doesn't and shouldn't need. She can be his pal around you but her seeking a closet friendship with him spells up to no good and needy of attention.

Your boyfriend, well what can we say. We all get upset at the person we are with from time to time, and we vent and talk about our relationships and he made a poor choice on who he shared his burdens with. Hopefully he understands why it hurt you and will refrain from doing so in the future.

This friend of yours on the other hand, she isn't a friend at all. Talking behind the back of a friend is common, doing so to their boyfriend is dirty and underhanded - I wouldn't trust her anymore.

I am sorry you are hurting, there are good girlfriends out there that would never ever do something like this to you, so don't let it make you think that ALL girls are mean.. just some of them... a lot of them :P You are not to blame in any of this, and your relationship issues should be between you and him and if he needs to moan and complain he needs to make his own friends to do it with, not yours.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-29-2009 05:53 PM

Most "friends", your Mother will tell you you will be able to count on one hand, over the course of your life.

"Acquaintances" however, will be there left right and centre, and they will come and go.

When you can understand that, that is part of life and there are lessons to be learnt from each, then you will simply smile at those acquaintances that do you wrong.

Yes, as HD says, women can be conniving, you don't put a "friend" down unless your after something yourself, so this girl is obviously not your friend. I would say she encouraged him, he was already peeved at you and she was baiting and he was replying how he felt (at that time)...

You need to let him know that he is naive to "women's game plans" and that he should have seen that all coming, ask him his reaction if his best friend texted you and said that your man was really cheating on you, and offered to be there as a friend, would he actually see that as his mate trying to get you into bed? Yep, he would.

Same thing.

As Dr Mansfield said, your caring.

Never, ever, ever, stop being you ever.

There is nothing wrong with a person whom has a heart and gives, it's finding the people in this life your life, that accept you and respect you for being that type of person...

There will always be those whom use you.

As WildChild stated as well, get out there and make more friends, (and acquaintances) and also your girlfriend? She is your friend, friends share all, so don't be frightened to share what you feel in your heart with her..

She is probably 1 on your left hand, and you have 4 more to seek and find in your lifetime.

Go get em and smile... Because you are aware of what constitutes a friend as much as you are aware that you are a good person...

It's other's that fail, not you (They fail to see the destruction of which they cause), it will all come back to bite them one day..

CW