Dissatisfied

**Iseulda** · 06-10-2009 11:25 AM

Oh dear - I'm sorry to hear it didn't go too well. The old 'other girls didn't complain' line is both a poor argument and a cheap shot - you answered it perfectly, though. You are NOT other girls. I think telling you not to 'complain' is beyond cheeky, it's downright disrespectful.

You have to keep bringing it up - unless you are prepared to leave it and put up with the 5 minutes thing. I don't think there is any easy way of bringing it up. One thing that springs to mind is that the first time you have sex with him when you see, when he is done you should start to masturbate. He'll ask you what you are doing - you say 'well, I got no real satisfaction from you did just there, so I'm going to satisfy myself. Now if you'll excuse me...' and then get back to it. Now - you might not be able to masturbate yourself to climax but I'm thinking that if you can't you should fake it. nothing to over the top, a little moaning, some heavy breathing, a bit of writhing and a *BIG SIGH* to finish. That's if he stays and doesn't go off in a huff obviously.

I dunno - maybe that is a bit mean - but you want to underline that the current situation is not good enough.

**blondie80** · 06-10-2009 08:08 PM

Maybe you should of said maybe your other partners were willing to compramise and fake orgasms pretend to enjoy it but you aren't lol.
He is being unrealikstic to expect you to get off on 5 minutes that is a no go for nearly almost all women unless there has been a bit of tension and things like that build up at 5 minutes alot of women wouldnt of been able to settle their mind into the right place thats without enjoying what is happening.
Next time you are together start to touch yourself first and ask him to touch you kiss you here, these sorts of things may delay what is going to happen and atleast get you more ready, even if you can get to the point of an orgasm before sex its better than nothing at all!
If all else fails then maybe i would try Iseulda's advice as well, men dont like to think that they aren't satisfying their womens needs and you may very well give him a complex as well so maybe a more subtle way of going about it first without talking about it directly as he is not responding.

**rcoreyus** · 06-10-2009 09:20 PM

"why can't you just take it????!!?!?!". WTF. I'm sorry, he sounds like a real looser.

To Catepillar79 on my situation - suggesting counseling would NOT be taken well.

**WildChild** · 06-10-2009 11:05 PM

Oh My. My first husband used that, "no one else ever complained" bit. Told me there must be something wrong with me, if I wanted anything other than what he did, the way he did it. It ended a miserable situation.

A quickie now and then is fun. Never having anything else feels more like being used. If he is this inconsiderate at this stage, what will it be like if the two of you settle into a pattern? If you can't get him to make a sincere effort to correct this then you should move on. He doesn't deserve a woman who actually likes sex, if this is his attitude.

**Haven** · 06-10-2009 11:20 PM

"why can't you just take it????!!?!?!". WTF.

Hahaha, I zeroed in on that too.

He seems pretty uninformed when it comes to sex, and he might also have a problem with premature ejaculation. If you can convince him to read some of the information out there, do kegels, practice the stop-start method, and let you take control during sex, he might last longer or be more attentive.

Attitude makes or breaks relationships. It may not be worth it to invest too heavily into him if he can't figure out that you want him to be a better lover. Blondie has some good advice about getting yourself ready for him so that the five minutes he gives you tops off the extra time you gave yourself. That's kind of a quick fix, though: it'd work for you, but it wouldn't really help him any, and the experience would probably reinforce his belief that five minutes is A-OK.

Also, Isuelda's advice is mind-blowingly terrible. It's bad enough that he can't satisfy you. You making him aware of the possibility that those other girlfriends he had may not have been satisfied with him makes things even worse. Communicate with him. Educate him. The problem's not going to be solved by a private post-coital trash-talking session in which you ham up what a terrible lover he is and the way his attentions pale in comparison to a few minutes with your hand.

**Iseulda** · 06-11-2009 04:58 AM

Well - I did say 'maybe it's a bit mean'

- but the guy has basically told her to shut up and stop complaining - he is refusing to help her out here, refusing to meet her half way.

Of course no one but her can judge what's OK or not - but my thinking was that some shock tactics might work where straight talking doesn't.

**rcoreyus** · 06-11-2009 09:33 AM

I think Iseulda may be on the right track - it all depends on the personalities of the people inolved.

**WildChild** · 06-11-2009 09:38 AM

LOL I won't tell you what "shock tactics" brought to mind but maybe he does need a jolt to wake him out his self absorbed sex practices.

**caterpillar79** · 06-14-2009 02:54 PM

yes, this brute deserves that kind of treatment...if all else fails, call it quits. you deserve a better lover... there are many out there.

rcoreyus...you are a very loving and supportive spouse. God bless your heart!

**SecondGuess** · 06-16-2009 07:59 PM

Thank you so much for you advice. I'll be heading down to visit him next week and I'll keep you updated about what does and doesn't happen. Thanks again!

Thread: Dissatisfied

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