Dissatisfied

**SecondGuess** · 06-09-2009 11:04 AM

I've been dating my boyfriend for a little while now, and we are in a long distance relationship. So far things are going great, he's a great guy. He has everything that I could look for in a guy. The only down fall is our sex life, he is literally a 5-minute man. I've tried to talk to him about it and he is reluctant to change his ways. The last time I saw him and we had sex, it left me dissatisfied twice. I'm going to be visiting him in two weeks and need suggestions about how to make him see that though he has needs, women have needs to.

**Iseulda** · 06-09-2009 12:19 PM

Did he say why he is reluctant to change his ways?

Talking to him about it is the only way to sort it out really - but you have tried that. Did he out and out say that he doesn't care what you want? Or is it more complicated than that?

Perhaps if you tell us a bit more about how the conversation went we can give you some ideas on different ways of putting it.

Did you impress upon him that sex is important to you - that you need to feel fulfilled and that 5 mins and him getting his is just not doing it for you?

**Fatin** · 06-09-2009 12:46 PM

i agree with Iseulda just like i always say talk to him ..

**SecondGuess** · 06-09-2009 02:23 PM

He wouldn't say why. When I asked him he would say that he was a 5 minute type of guy.

There are other times we'll bring up the subject and he is totally fine with taking our time. I've explained to him that I don't want someone just to be there to do with it, I want someone to enjoy the time they spend with me as I do with them. I also ask him why can't we just take our time it's not a race, he would reply, "well this is not a movie, why don't we just get it over with."

I've tried to mention to him that just because he has needs and he's satisifed, he doesn't put into consideration my feelings and if I'm satisfied or not, and he doesn't really reply after that.

**Iseulda** · 06-09-2009 02:53 PM

Get it over with?

Flipping heck! It's not doing the dishes!

He sounds like he's being glib to cover up the fact that he is not that sure what to do. I think it might be time to TELL him, not ask him. Tell him that you have needs and it takes more than five minutes to satisfy those needs. Tell him you are not a chore to 'get over with'.

**caterpillar79** · 06-09-2009 04:48 PM

Hey, sweet! Sex is an integral part of a happy relationship, more so with marriage. It is a good thing that you know that about him now. Think, is this the type of guy I want to be with my entire life? Will I really be content if he chooses not to try to improve how he does it? Take note : TRY!

It is not too late, you can back off if he doesn't make a friggin' consideration about how you feel. You will end of feeling being used later. For your sake, find a better mate.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-09-2009 04:56 PM

Get Graphic, tell him all the things you would like him to do to you and you to him before penetration, that you are a sensual and sexual being, and then hand him a bottle of baby oil and say "here sweet, start with a massage, slow and sensual" and lay on the bed naked.

Seriously, if that doesn't give him the message, get him started, let him see visually in his mind and do, nothing will.

Means he doesn't like to please a woman, sex is sex to him and you have to consider if you want this for the rest of your life.

It is a movie if you want it to be one, drawn out, even re-cycled... His vision is not creative, nor is his heart giving in that department, I'm betting he hates all the attention he has to give, he gets erect and just wants, (selfishly)...

CW

**rcoreyus** · 06-09-2009 11:52 PM

Hmm, "get it over with" is the attitude my wife seems to have about sex (on the rare occasions where she is interested at all). She seems to view orgasm as the goal - get there as quickly as possible and be done. So its not just men who sometimes think like that.

**caterpillar79** · 06-10-2009 09:13 AM

I was wondering if (psycho-sexual) counseling could help...have you checked on this, r?

**SecondGuess** · 06-10-2009 10:21 AM

Well early this morning he called me and I tried to attempt to talk to him again about our situation. He was talking about sex again, and the conversation basically got me no where once again. I told him that just because when we have sex and it meets his needs, it doesn't meet mine. He told me, "Well in the past when I've done it with other girls they don't complain, why do you have to complain, why can't you just take it? Sex is sex." I've tried to explain to him that I'm not the other girls and just because they were ok with him being like that doesn't mean that I enjoy it that way or have needs. I got frustrated after arguing with him after a bit, that I figured I would just try to initiate the conversation or while we are doing it when I got to visit in 2 weeks.

But how do I go about initiating a conversation when he doesn't want to listen to reason. Do I just tell him that I'm going to cut it off, or do I decide then and there he really doesn't care about satisfying my needs and maybe it's time for me to look for someone who can satisfy all my needs? I don't want sex to be just sex, though this may not be our first times having sex but isn't sex a symbolic gesture that the relationship taking another step up? Or is it just me? I don't want to start rambling like a fool that I feel sex is meant to be meaningful when it's not meant to be taken that way.

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