Am i doing anything wrong

**MummyL** · 06-15-2009 07:37 AM

I am living with my steady partner and so far we don't have relationship issues. My problem is, i am cheating, i am in love with this other guy and not planning to leave him anytime soon. What i like about the guy is that he is married, therefore he doesn't irritate me much. We started dating in 2006, we were studying together. Guys, please advice, am i doing wrong or what, i couldn't ignore the connection between us and also he is so good in bed, irresistible. I love my partner so much and i don't want my relationship with other guy spoil my relationship.

**Iseulda** · 06-15-2009 08:04 AM

Wrong is a relative term. It depends in many ways on what you are comfortable with. Thing is, you don't sound comfortable.

The most obvious thing you are doing that will be considered wrong by most other people is lying to your partner. I'm assuming the married guy knows you also have a partner, so you're not lying to him.

I think you know really that most people here are going to say cheating is wrong end of story - how could you do that to your partner - how could you do that to your lover's wife - think of her feelings, etc., etc.. And those are fair questions. But obviously there is something in this situation compelling you to put those questions aside and continue anyway. You know lying to your partner is wrong - unless you can hand on heart say he would not be upset to discover the truth then you know it is wrong. And I think you know too that the married man's wife would be just as hurt to discover the truth.

So, more importantly than asking 'Is what I'm doing wrong?', I think what you really need to ask yourself 'Why am I doing this?'.

Here's a list of questions you might think about:
Why is your partner not enough? Why do you need the second man? How is your sex life with your partner? Does your partner emotionally support you? Is your partner abusive in any way? Does your partner neglect you? Does your partner cheat on you, or do you suspect he does? What does the married lover give you that your partner does not?

You don't have to answer those questions on the forum, but try to answer them for yourself. You are having this affair for some reason - it sounds like it is making you both happy and and sad at the same time. Work out what you want - work out what the problem is. Then you can try to fix it.

**WildChild** · 06-15-2009 08:39 AM

You've been with one man for what? 5 years?
You plan to marry him.
You have 6 yr old child by another man.
This child has been raised by your mother but is starting to spend some time living with you and your fiancee?
Your fiancee has an 8 yr old child who spends some time with the two of you.
You were wondering if you should be jealous of ...what? Your bf picking up and dropping off his child? Him not being as nice to your child as you feel you are to his? That wasn't entierly clear.
You have been having an affair for 3 years with a married man whom you feel you have a strong connection with and who is good in bed.
You don't want this to mess up the relationship with your fiancee?

Think about this a bit. How do you think your finacee would react if he knew? How have you hidden this from him for so long? Or have you hidden it? How would you react if you learned that your fiancee had another girlfreind?
Trust is crucial in a relationship, unless you have an agreement to have an open relationship, what you are doing isn't right.
Do you have an agreement to have an open relationship?
Do you have an agreement not to be monogamous?
Would you be willing to accept your fiancee doing what you are doing?

**MummyL** · 06-17-2009 01:31 AM

Thank you all for all comments and advice. I have given this a long thought and decided to end the relationship with another man, i cannot afford to lose my steady partner because of a married man. I met him yesterday just to tell him i cannot see him anymore, he couldn't take it nicely but he understood every reason i gave him. You guys made me to make a good and fair decision. I will now focus on my only man and the kids. And about the jealousy...i've realised there is no need for that at all, i think i've been childish there. I love you all.

**newintown<3** · 02-17-2010 02:45 PM

I know this is a long time after you posted this to begin with, and I hope that you are still not seeing that other man. I am sure that it was very difficult to break it off with him after three years, and I hope that you were able to continue resisting the attraction you had with him since your last post. If so, that is really great! The only thing that I wonder is if you have told your partner that this situation happened. I know that many people would think that all it would do is cause problems to bring it up, but I really believe that it would strengthen your relationship. If you have been holding it back, you have to carry the weight of the lie and in the end, all you will do is be less trusting of your partner. It is kind of hard to explain, but when you know you are/have cheated, you are more likely to be jealous and less trusting of your partner! It might cause problems for a little while, but in the long run you will both respect each other more and respect yourself more for being honest. In my opinion, the wife of that man has every right to know what happened as well, but I don't think that is your place to tell her, either. If that married man was on here, I would be telling him the same thing- to be upfront and honest to honor your relationship. If you have already done this, you really did the right thing! =)

**WildChild** · 02-17-2010 04:04 PM

OP has not been on the site for 8 months. Please answer current threads or start your own.
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