Another porn thread... sigh...

[Ugly Girl]

Why is it that when a person is not particularly happy about their s/o looking at porn they are automatically labeled or label themselves as having a problem?

In my opinion just because you feel a certain way on an issue and it's not the most popular way people feel doesn't mean you have a problem.

I am sure you are beautiful. Just because the media deems a certain look as the way everyone is supposed to look in order to be acceptable .....................

I guess it's a problem, because of my low self esteem and insecurity.

[happy ending]

you're right about the media, when i was younger it was all the blonde haired, blue eyed tanned, super skinny beauties that were the rage. i am very dark and curvy, i never felt beautiful, i have a very snub nose, for example and really used to envy those blonde girls with a high bridge nose. but as i got older i sort of realised one day that there will always be those better looking but if a man loves you, it is not really tied to the way you look so much as the way you are. when my honey tells me i'm beautiful, i guess he's not look at the scars, cellulite, flat nose, big bum - but the real me. he works away so we are sexless for two weeks out of every three (five days to go!) and does go on youporn or whatever, but i do consider that as apart from our relationship. when i was younger i used to read those romance novels and fantasize about the heroes (hmmm mr darcy) but i dont think that made me unfaithful to my boyfriend of the time. now i think those romance novels are like emotional porn for women. anyway dont know if i've made sense, but chill.

[ren_07]

I used to be an avid porn watcher myself. Only I would look for the more realistic and candid encounters than the fake pamela anderson-type ones. This used to make me more comfortable knowing that the men I dated watched porn themselves because I can understand where the urges come from. I can relate to your insecurities, I have small breasts myself and in a world that idealizes the double D's, it's hard to feel completely comfortable with any man. But if you think about it, this man has chosen YOU for a reason. Porn is not real, it's a fantasy. There's something about unattainable things that make them so attractive, (and OK to desire in his mind.) He should respect your concerns and consider cutting back at the very least for your sake. Or at least ensure you more of just how much he strongly desires your body because this would put your mind more at ease. If he is doing his job correctly as a boyfriend, he should be showing you more attention than a world of falseness.

[Ugly Girl]

Girls, I'm so sad, I don't know why I can't control this! Why can't I just accepy it? Why is it so difficult?

I've read a lot of opinions from guys online, and they all say that they don't get why it's such a big deal for women like me... that it's just the way they are, that they love porn, taht they never stop (even if their grilfriends/wives) hate it), that they just need to see some gorgeous women having sex once in a while, that we should just get over it, that they all have fantasies so we should just give them room, that at least they're not cheating, etc...

Why do I feel so much like I have a problem, yet I also feel so reluctant to be the one to change? WHy do I find it so difficult to accept? I don't know! But I don't want to accept it... problem is most, if not all guys watch porn, so what am I going to do? Stay single forever? Hook up with some religious fanatic?

My boyfriend is fantastic, why can't I overlook this one thing? I just feel so horrible compared to them, so awfully horrible... I may be decent looking, "average", but I still don't get any attention from guys, like they never check me out nor do they flirt, so I just feel like I'm very ugly and I hate to think that other "perfect women" (even if they're fake) turn him on... like what's the point of trying to satisfy him if he can just wank to better looking women? Women who do threesomes, lesbian scenes, things I'll never do for him... what's the point in trying to please him if I'll never be such a good "lover" as porn is? So easy, so undemanding, and with a vast array of fantasies for him to explore, with millions of different women each time... what's the point? I can give him the emotional things he needs: cuddling, kissing, words of encourament, "how was your day?", etc... but sex? I'm starting to hate the idea of sex. I'll never be as good as his fantasies!

And I know I sound pathetic and like I'm talking nonsense, but it's how I feel about this and I just fail to stop it!

[Hopeless Dork]

You know how you get through it? By doing exactly what you are doing here. Venting about how you feel to a close friend or in this case, anonymously on a forum. I have a friend on here that I've made that I have burned holes in her eardrums going over and over how I feel about it, and guess what? Its made me feel better, just to express my frustrations with it, my insecurities over it, to take the weight off my shoulder about how hurt I get.

If I had to build a perfect boyfriend from scratch I couldnt imagine one better than mine in my wildest dreams. Yeah, occasionally, he likes to get some side entertainment looking at hot girls bodies on the internet, girls that don't care about him, girls that arent even as hot as their pictures portray them to be, girls that don't love him like I do - get a piece of him that I feel they don't deserve.

You will be hard pressed to find a guy that doesn't look at porn. And even then, they may just be better at hiding it.. or asexual. At least you know he is into regular sex and adult women. You've seen his porn stash so you know he has basic sexual interests nothing too crazy like wanting a tuba rammed up his nose while being rubbed by dolphins or something equally disturbing.

Just vent, sweetie, here, or with a friend, let it all out, cry about it if you need to , but in the end, what works for me is to just not even think about it. I view it as his personal thing. When I masturbate I don't tell him every fantasy I have nor does he demand to know, its personal, its my business. I try to see his occasional porn hobby as HIS business, its personal -sure I wish he'd fantasize about me like I do him but his fantasies are his own, I can't own them and I don't even want to. When girls try to ask their guys to stop looking at porn it just pushes it all underground and makes them keep secrets and tell lies. Who would want that?

Every now and then I get myself worked up about it, I will think about him there, fantasizing about those women and my heart will fall into my stomach. But I stop myself, and just forget it and when I do I am happy.

I hope to eventually grow my self esteem to the point it genuinly has no effect on me, and doesn't make me feel unnatractive or inadequate but until then, I choose to just keep it out of my mind and not worry about it anymore.

[happy ending]

i actually get more worried about all the gorgeous REAL women out there, than a few fake porn bimbos - but thats just me i suppose.

[stressed]

Well, I think it is only normal that many women don't like the idea of their s/o masturbating to porn (because it's never just 'watching'). Because when you think about it it's about your s/o getting turned on and climaxing to watching naked people having sex, i.e. climaxing without involving you in any way, whereas many women are fine by just climaxing with their partners. It's like being 'left out' of something you should be a part of. However, a lot depends on how the actual relationship is, how frequently this happens and what effect this has on your relationship. Another aspect is, how would your man feel if you did the same? I think you said he gets upset even when he sees a good looking man on t.v.; that's quite hypocritical to be honest. It's a lot to consider.

It's complicated but the 'strange' thing would be to feel 100% ok with it, because I think that also shows insecurity. Saying that "at least he doesn't cheat on me if he watches porn" is insecurity, because you let this happen to avoid something worse. If you need porn to avoid being cheated on then something's wrong. Men have a brain too and can control themselves, it's all about choices.

Finally, by what I've been told by men, they mostly watch it for 'what' people do in porn and not for 'who' is in it. They like imagining how it would feel if they would do the same, not necessarily doing these things with the women in the clips.