Thread: Long-term friendship has turned toxic

For the last two years a couple of our closest friends (they are married) have become an embarrassment. I use to be best friends with the wife but we have slowly grown apart. This is mostly due to the fact that when I see her/them they get so drunk they can’t carry on an intelligent conversation. They are rude to our outside friends and will question why we are hanging out with new people like jealous children. I have talked to her about the drinking and possible drug use. She insists that they only drink and only on the weekends. I'm skeptical.

The complication is that our husbands work together. While my relationship with my friend has deteriorated our husband’s relationship hasn’t changed that much. My husband thinks that this as a problem between us wives and he doesn’t feel comfortable with me confronting her because of his relationship with her husband.

I have respected my husband's feelings but lately the situation has worsened. She has verbally attacked me on several occasions and has made a drunken spectacle of herself even at our husband's work functions. She doesn't apologize for these actions but rather act like nothing happened.

They have been our best friends for years but I feel that the friendship has turned toxic. My husband and I have been trying to slowly distance ourselves socially while staying in contact with mutual friends. However we can’t avoid them entirely and every time we see them they guilt us about not hanging out more. I find this strange since she acts like she doesn’t care for me at all. Perhaps she doesn’t, which may be why she drinks so much when she is around me. I feel we may both be trapped in a relationship we have outgrown and if it weren’t for our husbands would have ended long ago.

I just want to know how I can disentangle myself from her and go on with my life?