karlacastillo33

ok so I have been dting a guy for 7 months now.We got together November 26 2008 and since then we have had to many problems.We were great until his ex wanted to go back out with him for new years she wrote him an e-mail telling him I am sorry if I had hurt or in any way I just want to start the new year fresh and he had told me she wrote him and he told me I hate her.Everything was ok until one day I felt like he was hiding something because he was acting very different.I kept asking him what was wrong but he always said nothing.His birthday was coming up January 10th and I had been taking him out and suprising him and then one day he told me his ex had called him to tell him something.well that same day I told him to give meher number because I wanted to tell her to stop trying to talk to my boyfriend and she said oh I was just talking to him about his friend and what had happened and stupid me, I believed it.He kept acting weird until his birthday he wouldn't answer my call I kept calling him and nothing no answer from him.He then called me back around 30 minutes later and I told him I was on my way because they were making him a party at his house and he said ok it felt like he didn't want me to go so i asked him if he wanted me to go and he said sure so from there we got in a big argument.It got very bad to the point that he had to come to my house and cancel everything going on at his party.when he arrived at my house we basically fought the whole night and the next day we broke up because he said he saw me just as a friend.I didn't know what was going on but I had a feeling it had to be something with his ex.So the next day I write her and I wanted to know why they had broken up because I never knew.She said she wanted to live her life and all this other non-sense.We got along very well me and her and we started being friends or so I thought.basically to make this story short he went back to his ex and that time she called him it was to say she missed him and she was ready to be in a relationship.Well he told me like a week later everything.he said he wanted to be with me he told me they had sex and everything.I basically gave him another chance because I missed him so much.and when he came back we talked about moving in together which we did.and we have had bad problems but not like tha tbad anymore but its just that now he wants to go to his brother graduation and she is going to be there but he doesn't know I found out by somebody else and he wants to go tomorrow and I am going to be working so, I will not be there and I am scared that they will see eachother because its a small ceremony and that something may happen like before.He asked me if he could go and I had said no and he got all upset.but i'm scared.I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!please help me with any advice.

ThexMrs

You know the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I don't exactly agree with that. I think that it's possible that it will happen again. I don't understand under what circumstance you would take back someone who lied to you, had sex with another woman, told you he saw you as just a friend and then all of a sudden wanted to get back with you. Do you have low self-esteem?

Also, it's his brother's graduation and for you to tell him that he can't go is just plain selfish. In fact, I can't even believe he would ask you if he could or that he feels he needs to ask you. It seems more like you're his mother than his girlfriend.

Lastly, the fact that you ruined his birthday is also selfish.

I think that you two need to grow up.

How old are you anyways?

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Tina Lee

At some point you will have to let him go. If he's the kind of person who'll cheat on you again, then you atleast want to know. You are strong enough to handle that situation if it arises.

I don't know if he'll cheat on you again. I think that his ex has issues of her own. But you can't keep him at home all the time, in order to prevent him from cheating.

You have to let him go. This really really sucks, but if he does cheat -- then you know what kind of person he is. Save yourself the pain of future affairs.

If he doesn't cheat, then that's a step towards some trust bulding. Honestly, I don't know whether he'll behave or not at his brother's grad. But you have to let him try.

I wouldn't have taken him back in the first place. After everything that he's done & said. That would've been enough of a signal for me, that he doesn't know what/who he wants.

I wish you good luck tomorrow hun..

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I don't know how long they were together for and I am assuming you both are very young, and sometimes it's hard to rid of the old if there is "no closure" and it sounds as if she was vague as to the reason she broke up with him.

It also sounds like she played him and he got confused as to which way to go as 7 months isn't that long as a new relationship, but it sounds like that didn't work anyway, he felt stronger for you. I say this because why would he come back and LIVE WITH YOU, after you both discuss moving in together, if he was still very much hung up on her.

He was honest and told you what he did, he was selfish for doing it, and telling you "he sees you more as a friend" and he's selfish for moving in so quickly, that's like confusing you even more.

You can't live through someone, only through yourself.. What will be, will be.. If he stuffs up again, then you know where the door is and his bags can be thrown on the other side of it.

Don't stop people doing what they are going to do anyway in life, be it this re-union or somewhere else, you can't stop people.

I do feel that you have to control your feelings better, when it is someone's birthday you hold off till the next day to spit fire if that's what you are like, not on that day, remember that for future because you can't get that day back again until the same day one year later.

You can see what type of woman she was, she befriended you, whilst trying to get her ex back.. You need to follow more intuition and not be blind but also you need to chill and not stress over this rather watch and see, because you'll both just continue ending up in arguements and therefore, your relationship will be over anyway.

CW

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ren_07

It's understandable to feel really nervous about him going out anywhere where this chick will be.

My best friend dated a guy who was on a rebound from breaking up with his girlfriend of two years. He cheated on her with the ex for one night, she forgave him, and he had no contact with the ex for months. After 3 months pass though, he all of a sudden out of nowhere said he was done with her and went back to the ex, whom he is still with to this day. There were rarely any warning signs.

Men are confusing. They don't know what they want and often live in the moment without thinking of future consequences. My guess was he made the mistake of letting this ex sweet talk him into being with her again. It's all too easy to want to be with someone you have known for so long and fall into old routines rather than chartering out a brand new relationship with fears and anxieties of where it could go.

Because you took him back, you have to now forgive and forget if this relationship is going to work. This is extremely hard because he broke the trust. My therapist said when she's dealing with couples who have been unfaithful, the cheater will often get frustrated with their lover's ill feelings. He will often say "I've told her a million times I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it?" and the therapist says, "as many times as she needs to hear it." It's his turn to prove to you that he's faithful. If he goes/went to this party and it turned out ok, then he's making the progress. But you can't tell him not to go anywhere for fear of him hurting you.

As the above response said, you can't stop people from doing the actions they want. If it's not at this party, it'll be somewhere else if he desires to be that person.

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Joy

don't be afraid sweetheart....... you can't control if he cheats you can only control your reaction. IN life to often we try to control what we can't and not bother controling what we can............ OURSELVES.

It wil hurt It will feel like a punch in the gut.... If he cheats he isnt worth it and doesn't know what he is missing out on in life YOU. People that cheat really just cheat themsevles out of life ... they never know what they could have cause they are too busy ignoring it and not devleoping their life.

Cheating isn't about you...... ITs about him and his lack of commitment to his own life. It doesn't mean that other girl is any better.... It means he doesn't have enough confidence in himself to see your relationship thru. Instead he will jump to someone else and try and fool them that he has it all together and knows where he is going.

Trust me it will hurt but in the end you will learn that you deserve better than some chump that doesn't take your heart, your feelings, your emotions and handle them with care. Really you don't want to be 40 with kids learning this lesson....

I hope your fear is wrong but really you don't want to waste your life fearing he will cheat or leave you.......... develop your life and become the most amazing person you can be.