What to do?

sandyhm · 07-04-2009, 08:13 PM

Here's what happened.

3 years ago, I got married and my best friend was my MOH. She said something during her speech which I didn't like and I told her about it after the wedding. We both got into an argument and we haven't seen each other since. During the period in between, I have tried to get back together by inviting her to all my gathering for our friends but she would always says she have prior commitments. She never once invited me to any of her gatherings, but I do know she have gathering because the people she invites are my friends.

Now after all this time, she sends me an email telling me she is getting married. I responded by giving my congratulation. Later she email again asking for my address so she can send me an invitation to her wedding. I have spoke to our mutual freiends after her first email and learn that they are all in the bridle party except me.

Should I respond or should I just ignore it and walk away from my friend?

Sandy, Distressed.

**Joy** · 07-04-2009, 08:23 PM

well you can take the high road here

Send her your address and when the rsvp comes send back not attending due to other commitments but send an appropriate gift or money card.

Attend and be happy to be there..... really patch this friendship up once and for all if it means that much to you.

ignore the email completely and keep the buzz and BS going even longer

If you've already discussed this with mutual friends... there is always a trouble maker in the group that has already gossiped this back and forth for as many years as its been going on.

I guess you really have to figure out if this "friend" Prior to the fight over your wedding was a genuine friend and added great things to your life.

**happy ending** · 07-05-2009, 12:20 AM

i think you should go, she seems to be extending the olive branch. she wants you to share her happiness, let go of the past and embrace the future. take care

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-05-2009, 01:15 AM

Fallouts happen in life.

Your words may have been quite cutting, when you did make a statement, and your patching up via invitations around "others" may have been seen as not wanting her as a friend, rather being polite.

I think she tested the water with the first email to see your reaction, and then from there sent you another email inviting you, perhaps she had already made promises to people after all 3 years is a long time and she would have gained other friends.

I see it as an Olive branch and just because she was in your wedding doesn't really mean you have to be in hers.

True friendships aren't tit for tat, rather understanding and being part of the wedding is just as good, maybe if you can patch things before, you can at least be at her home when they are all getting ready and be part of that, but if not, you shouldn't hold it to heart.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-05-2009, 08:14 AM

Life's too short. If you valued her as a friend before the argument, if you miss her ... go. It's never too late to rekindle a friendship if its worth holding on to. I have 2 aunts that haven't spoken to each other in decades and even try to avoid run-ins with each other at big family events, rumour has it they don't even agree/remember on what caused it all, the whole fall out.

You can cling to bad feelings, or you can let them go in the wind and move forward and be happy. She could have snubbed you all together and not even sent an invitation, she didn't do that. She somewhere deep downs knows you mean more to her than she has let her pride stand in the way of. Don't let yours keep you from attending. She wants you to witness her special day.

Can we ask, if its not bringing up too many bad memories, what the severity was of the argument.. in retrospect is what she said really as bad as you let it upset you at the time? Do you wish you handled it another way or was there no other way TO handle it?

**dr.mansview** · 07-05-2009, 02:54 PM

be the bigger man (woman) and go..DO NOT even mention the arguement..wish her congrats..you may get your friend back..as others have said..she may be extending an olive branch..

**caterpillar79** · 07-05-2009, 03:33 PM

I agree with all the posts above. You might want to consider playing it safe...give her the info she asks of you, send her your gift/s, and then...decide whether you want to go or not. But I strongly suggest you do, she might be bridging your friendship back.

**ren_07** · 07-07-2009, 08:21 PM

Was there ever an apology between the two of you through all this lost time? Did your mutual friends ever tell you gossip as to why she's not asking you to be in her life?

This is a perfect example of how girls can drag out grudges for soooo long. Everything is so personal with us women because we are so emotionally complex. Whatever the arguement in the speech was, it doesn't matter. So much time has passed that you both probably don't remember word for word the argument between each other.

If you were still communicating to some extent, I would assume she would add you into the bridal party. But if you think about it, she's probably worried that including you could potentionally start drama at the happiest day of her life. Afterall, she has no idea how you are now as a person because she hasn't really spoken to you from what I understand. That would be awkward for her. Not inviting you would also cause issues, so she invites you as a way to smooth the bumps between you guys.

Attend the wedding if you want to put aside the pettiness and be supportive and potentionally patch up a damaged relationship. However, if you're looking to one-up her, then decline the invite and stop inviting her out to your own parties. Do you really want this kind of quality person involved with your life anyways?

07-04-2009, 08:13 PM	#1
sandyhm Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1	What to do? Here's what happened. 3 years ago, I got married and my best friend was my MOH. She said something during her speech which I didn't like and I told her about it after the wedding. We both got into an argument and we haven't seen each other since. During the period in between, I have tried to get back together by inviting her to all my gathering for our friends but she would always says she have prior commitments. She never once invited me to any of her gatherings, but I do know she have gathering because the people she invites are my friends. Now after all this time, she sends me an email telling me she is getting married. I responded by giving my congratulation. Later she email again asking for my address so she can send me an invitation to her wedding. I have spoke to our mutual freiends after her first email and learn that they are all in the bridle party except me. Should I respond or should I just ignore it and walk away from my friend? Sandy, Distressed.

07-05-2009, 01:15 AM	#4
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,672 Blog Entries: 8	Fallouts happen in life. Your words may have been quite cutting, when you did make a statement, and your patching up via invitations around "others" may have been seen as not wanting her as a friend, rather being polite. I think she tested the water with the first email to see your reaction, and then from there sent you another email inviting you, perhaps she had already made promises to people after all 3 years is a long time and she would have gained other friends. I see it as an Olive branch and just because she was in your wedding doesn't really mean you have to be in hers. True friendships aren't tit for tat, rather understanding and being part of the wedding is just as good, maybe if you can patch things before, you can at least be at her home when they are all getting ready and be part of that, but if not, you shouldn't hold it to heart. CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

07-05-2009, 08:14 AM	#5
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 2,191	Life's too short. If you valued her as a friend before the argument, if you miss her ... go. It's never too late to rekindle a friendship if its worth holding on to. I have 2 aunts that haven't spoken to each other in decades and even try to avoid run-ins with each other at big family events, rumour has it they don't even agree/remember on what caused it all, the whole fall out. You can cling to bad feelings, or you can let them go in the wind and move forward and be happy. She could have snubbed you all together and not even sent an invitation, she didn't do that. She somewhere deep downs knows you mean more to her than she has let her pride stand in the way of. Don't let yours keep you from attending. She wants you to witness her special day. Can we ask, if its not bringing up too many bad memories, what the severity was of the argument.. in retrospect is what she said really as bad as you let it upset you at the time? Do you wish you handled it another way or was there no other way TO handle it? __________________ ------------- Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

07-05-2009, 02:54 PM	#6
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,212	be the bigger man (woman) and go..DO NOT even mention the arguement..wish her congrats..you may get your friend back..as others have said..she may be extending an olive branch.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

07-05-2009, 03:33 PM	#7
caterpillar79 WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 2,831 Blog Entries: 59	I agree with all the posts above. You might want to consider playing it safe...give her the info she asks of you, send her your gift/s, and then...decide whether you want to go or not. But I strongly suggest you do, she might be bridging your friendship back. __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \|Contact Mod\| Contact Admin

07-04-2009, 08:23 PM	#2
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 680 Blog Entries: 5	well you can take the high road here Send her your address and when the rsvp comes send back not attending due to other commitments but send an appropriate gift or money card. Attend and be happy to be there..... really patch this friendship up once and for all if it means that much to you. ignore the email completely and keep the buzz and BS going even longer If you've already discussed this with mutual friends... there is always a trouble maker in the group that has already gossiped this back and forth for as many years as its been going on. I guess you really have to figure out if this "friend" Prior to the fight over your wedding was a genuine friend and added great things to your life.

07-05-2009, 12:20 AM	#3
happy ending Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 919	i think you should go, she seems to be extending the olive branch. she wants you to share her happiness, let go of the past and embrace the future. take care

07-07-2009, 08:21 PM	#8
ren_07 VIP Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 40	Was there ever an apology between the two of you through all this lost time? Did your mutual friends ever tell you gossip as to why she's not asking you to be in her life? This is a perfect example of how girls can drag out grudges for soooo long. Everything is so personal with us women because we are so emotionally complex. Whatever the arguement in the speech was, it doesn't matter. So much time has passed that you both probably don't remember word for word the argument between each other. If you were still communicating to some extent, I would assume she would add you into the bridal party. But if you think about it, she's probably worried that including you could potentionally start drama at the happiest day of her life. Afterall, she has no idea how you are now as a person because she hasn't really spoken to you from what I understand. That would be awkward for her. Not inviting you would also cause issues, so she invites you as a way to smooth the bumps between you guys. Attend the wedding if you want to put aside the pettiness and be supportive and potentionally patch up a damaged relationship. However, if you're looking to one-up her, then decline the invite and stop inviting her out to your own parties. Do you really want this kind of quality person involved with your life anyways? __________________ In the end, the king and the pawn both go into the same box.

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