Here goes ...


I am having a bit of difficulty. I mean yeah I could just let it go but eh it has been 2 1/2 years and I don't want to throw it all down the drain. I have come a long ways and am happier at this point in my life.

Okay so this person she is online who I met once. I do my best since she is friends with my other friends. I am just trying not to get too upset yet I know what I said is the truth. And this person is kind just what I am not understanding is how at times it seems she is "going after me" sort of speak. That is how I feel and it is becoming irritating.

So here is the recent. I had intestinal pains the other day I of course told no one online because well it happens. I admin in a chat room so I went in there as I normally do but decided to leave because I still needed a few moments to gather my thoughts, get something to drink and brush my teeth which I wanted to do as I woke up late.

I think when I left the discussion was about the conference they are having ... which I have no trouble with. It has not even been on my mind as I planned a trip for in August and that is what is on my mind. Okay so I get a text message asking if I am okay ... I did not respond because I planned to go back in the chat room after a bit. So ... I am back in there and people are away due to lunch and I figured getting ready for where they have to go.

I then receive a phone call which was this person mentioned above though on my other friends cell. I like getting the calls and such ; but she asked was I okay. Then mentioning something about the conference to which I said I do not mind about that and that I had planned to meet in August so not a problem. She said something about well I was human and such and such ... something about I was not being left out. I had not even given thought to that since that is not why I would feel left out.

Anyhoo ... this is getting long and not sure how much sense I am making. Just that as the conversation went on and I had mentioned having intestinal pain though since I increased my probiotic that I am on it has gone away. She mentioned I may be internalizing something and thus causing it ... I said not that I am aware of. Again ... my intestines at times do this by themselves regardless of anything. I don't like it implied that it may be my fault.

So ... onwards it got mentioned that my parents decided to get a divorce. They have been separated for about a year or so now. Sure it was hard in the beginning to see them go through that after being married 29 years. Though both have said they are okay with getting the divorce and what am I able to do about that. I only want them both to be happy. Well ... I was then told I was keeping things in which I don't really think I am. I just don't really know what is wanted of me ...


What is upsetting me is getting the sense that I am not believed. I don't like it. I sent a text stating how I did not understand how she thought I was not well. Yes and it was mentioned that I am in the chat room such and such hours yet left to brush my teeth. Umm ... well that is what I went to do. On the phone my other friend was saying something though I really could not hear him on the cell and she stating how that he should not "protect" me. In my head all I am thinking is how is he doing that and what is up with this.