9 weeks pregnant and dumped

**sbandy** · 07-18-2009 09:40 PM

i have been with this guy for just over 2 years now and we were engaged. i just found out im 9 weeks pregnant with his child, both of ours first child. he was nervous but eventually got excited and told me he loved me and we could do this. but the the other day he broke up with me. all he said was "i dont know....im just not in love with you anymore. but i still want to be close friends."

im still in love with him and i dont know how to handle this. he wants to be apart of the childs life but i dont know how to be just friends with him. especially because he keeps sending me mixed signals. im getting so stressed out that im making myself sick....

**Joy** · 07-18-2009 09:51 PM

I know you must be so hurt and confused at the moment. He sounds like he is running scared. If you are making yourself sick and he is sending mix signals then maybe you shouldn't communicate at the moment. If his emotions are knocking you off balance and making you sick you need to find your center so you don't exhaust yourself.

Once he has some space he might realize how foolish he is behaving. Take care of yourself and your baby.

**Tina Lee** · 07-18-2009 10:01 PM

Oh, I am so sorry that you're going through this.

I agree with Joy. If he is upsetting you, I would not talk to him for awhile. You & your baby's health, & wellbeing come first.

I think he's sending you mixed signals, because he's not sure what to do. Right now he is scared, as Joy already said.

This is the time when you need him most, and he needs to grow up & be with you, & the baby. Given some time to think about it, he might come to his senses.

Take care of yourself hun...

**alicelovesrain** · 07-19-2009 03:59 AM

I think all the advice you need has already been said...

But, I just wanted to post in hopes of sending some moral support.

You are important. Take care of yourself and your baby. Hang in there. This sounds like a hard situation but... I believe in you! *hugs* Try to create a positive environment for yourself.

**sbandy** · 07-19-2009 02:06 PM

thanks its just... it hurts enough in general but the thing is, is hes changed. like literally did a complete and total personality flip to the point where i dont even know him anymore. in just a few days hes already talking different, acting different, hes been getting trashed every night for the past few nights.

i dont know if its just a "holy my party days are over" phase kinda thing or if hes just changed completely... in the past 2 years weve been together he never and picked up a drink let alone getting trashed and acting like i dont exist.

im so worried for him and for us and wondering if hes actually gonna step up like he says hes gonna for this chilld.

**Tina Lee** · 07-19-2009 02:16 PM

I don't know if he's going to step up and be a dad to the baby. But honestly right now he's acting so selfish, that I wouldn't wait to see what he does.

I would just take care of everything myself, I mean setting up the nursery, planning the future, things like that. If he steps up, great! If not, then you can get child support from him.

Bottom line is, I wouldn't wait on him. He's being selfish, and who knows how long that'll last.

**amaranthine** · 07-19-2009 04:39 PM

If I were you, I'd get an abortion, take some time for myself, and then get on with life.
A guy this wishy-washy isn't worth sticking around for. You need someone who will be ready to take on life with you, and not freak out and leave when something tough comes along.

**sbandy** · 07-19-2009 06:52 PM

i dont believe in abortion and im happy about the child just not the guy.

**amaranthine** · 07-20-2009 05:41 AM

If you're happy to be pregnant, then does the rest really matter? If you would keep it regardless of him still being with you or not... I guess I'm failing to see where the problem is exactly.
He freaked and left, so let him go. He wants to be with the baby when it's born? You don't have to let him. He went and took the easy way out. There's no more obligation there.
The mention of you being pregnant led me to believe it was part of this issue, which is why I suggested the other option. If it's not part of the problem, there's really nothing left to do but let go.
Yet be firm. He can't have it both ways.

**caterpillar79** · 07-20-2009 08:11 AM

His being wishy-washy is a shame. Don't wait for him. Speak up for yourself - sit him down. Lay out your conditions, tell him how you feel about your situation, that no matter what, you are keeping the baby. And if he doesn't make up his mind and grow up, he's not going to be part of your baby's life.

He's scared of the sudden change, though I know, 9 weeks is NOT sudden. Tell him he's giving you mixed signals and that you are gravely affected by it. Sometimes, men, due to their immaturity, they tend to do things that meant differently to women. Give yourself a favor and your baby by focusing on your well-being.

Decide too if he steps up, will you be able to manage or whether you want to deal with his wishy-washy behavior? Because believe me, even when he steps up and decides to stick it out, there'll always be moments when he'll act selfish and weird and that will surely throw you off.