I hate to admit it, but we are in the same boat right now...just freshly wounded here. But like the rest said, it is good that he's man enough to admit and say it as it is. So, here's my contribution to people like us...let us not waste our time and energy to those who don't deserve us, right. We'll work on ourselves, enjoy our singlehood, and not look...let us wait for the right person to find us....hang in there...we're here for you...i am...so keep in touch, hun.
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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Strong words, thoughts and I agree 100%... having been there myself recently.Originally Posted by caterpillar79
If we look we don't find.
If we settle we get burn't..
If he is man enough to tell the truth then see it for what it is, he was there for a reason in our life.
We do indeed need to know our worth because "he" will find us...
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I think I am strong enough to brave this storm...I hope and wish that I will make it. I have to be...But right now, it stings...it hurts and throbs endlessly. It's like I have lost part of me.......I can say strong words, yes...but to do it...a matter of time. Welcome back into the rollercoaster ride of moving on.
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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Here's the thing, guys....assuming they are datable material, men look for specific qualities in a woman. These are my own personal opinions, but they apply to most men.
1. They are a good person - A woman who treats everyone equally with respect and isn't vindictive or jealous. They take a proactive as opposed to a reactive stance toward conflict. They have a good outlook on life in general.
2. They look good. A man wants a woman who is attractive. If we are to spend the rest of our lives with a woman and be expected to have sex with only her, she *has* to satisfy a healthy part of our sexual desires and continue to do so.
3. Independence - We like to know (though we'll never admit it) that the other person would be able to function just fine without us. We want a woman who can take care of herself - mentally, financially and physically. Being controlling, jealous and insecure is about the worst turn off that a woman can bring out of the bag.
4. An appreciation for the good things in life. Guys like to have fun. We enjoy women who will do the same and enjoy life with us. Playing sports, SEX, travelling, going to the gym....cooking or eating good food....etc etc. They will laugh a lot and be a bright memory.
I'll get off my soapbox now, but recognizing these 4 traits were the stimulus to my proposal.
I got all those...except for some insecurity episodes...and some self-esteem issues which my ex-bf pointed out....
Bottomline is: right guy - right girl ...wrong time; wrong guy - wrong girl...wrong time...whatever!
If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be...
I'm on my day 2 marathon... stings...
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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ok now..remember YOU asked for this explaination...by far I am not an expert but I have been around enough men to know the paterns. I even called my brother on this one. There is a book by Big Boom called if you want closure in your relationship start with your legs the title is misleading but he discusses a lot of pertinent information women should know. With every page I read I say...yup thats right! If the man loves you as much as he says he does he would marry you or make plans to marry you and not let you go point blank period. When he told you he would let you go because he didn't want to hold you back blah blah blah that was his way of taking control of the situation stopping the questions which would have forced him to "man up" and placed you into a full blown guilt phase. When I say guilt phase I only mean it in the aspect of double thinking yourself and your own natural instincts and education. You obviously know you are a catch and worth marrying. By letting you go he succeeded in drawing you closer why....because you love him and you felt bad for possibly rushing him and possibly loosing him NEWS FLASH you have never had him! How do you know this...even the ex went through the same thing. Not only that but you have obviously given yourself to this man so think about this...if he wanted to leave would you fight for him? You already have so why didn't he fight for you? What does that mean he never gave himself to you!Women give men way to many chances and choices so I'm saying this again (only because I said this in a previous post) Men are simple...its us who overcomplicate things...if they want you they say it, they show it, they mean it! They will provide for you, nurture you, fix what is broken or find a way to have what is broken fixed. They answer questions simply its when they start giving you drawn out explainations that you have to worry. If it sounds to good to be true guess what....it is. You have to want more for yourself. Once you asked him to be with you he realized that he had you, you basically gave him an all expense free pass not to commit. Now if you had stated you're right, I do deserve better I am worth more and i'm not a yo-yo to be toy'd with then stepped off without calling him, texting him, emailing him that would have showed him you meant business. Now he thinks...yea she'll leave but she will be back. From what you explain i wouldn't be surprised if he had other choices. Please read the book! Also Steve Harvey's Act like a lady think like a man. For people who follow my post I frequently speak about these books because they are the latest two I have read that actually speaks the truth. Women we have to learn how to really deal with these men to weed out the playa's and the no goods. There are wonderful men out there but half the time we are to busy giving the no goods chance after chance that the good ones walk past or when we find them we bring so much baggage with us that we miss out on our chance of happiness. I'm sorry if I have rambled on but you sound like a woman who is ready to love and live so do just that...love yourself and live YOUR life! Don't wait on someone who doesn't see the Gift God has made right infront of him! If it is meant to be let him go and if you are his home...he will come home
P.S I'm not trying to be hard on you but I treat everyone on this site as if they were family or close friends which means giving you the best knowledge I have without sugar coating anything. I could go on for hours but I have been in the situations where I didn't trust in myself, where I didn't go by the teachings my father instilled (I was raised by my father) there are plenty of things I don't understand about my own womanhood but I can smell a hustler and a con-man/playa 1000 miles away (as long as it has nothing to do with my own personal relationship because they seem to seap through the cracks in the floor) so I rely on my girl friends (only have 3 of them) to smack me upside my head when i'm to blinded by love or devotion to see the true colors infront of my face. Being devoted is a great asset just decide to be devoted to the rite one...get my drift baby girl
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am
It's going to hurt but that is actually a good thing it means that you are healing. Think of it like a deep laceration when it first happens it hurts like the dickens! Some times you have to take pain meds! Put neosporin on it etc but the more time passes the less it hurts until eventually it heals sometimes it leaves a scar but you put coco butter on it and the scar fades. So find what your neosporin is...what ever you like to do .... do it! you are lucky to have a great forum like this one with tons of women who i'm sure are going through the same thing or have been through it before because you can vent and find some type of support. Friends are still friends even if they are miles away. Never question how strong you are...think about all the things you have had to bear in your life big or small and realize that you will never be given more than you can bare. With all of this said I know its still hard! Allow yourself the time to cry if you must, scream if you must, throw pillows or whatever you feel you must do within healthy reason but understand that this to shall pass but guess what if you handle this now and give yourself the time to heal its that much less that you have to deal with later!
I'm here if you need me...why ...payin it forward
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am
It is so true that it always easier to ID when it's someone else getting sucked in. I'm reaching the conclusion, finally, that men are players, period. I'm not. I don't play games and I'm not going to and I'm tired of being played. Too bad for them, I'm one heck of a woman.
Ahryin: i understand what you are saying and I truly appreciate that. when he left my place, he kept telling me that "this is not goodbye forever"... that he is wondering whether he made the right choice... then, after 2 hours he called to check on me if i am OK...since he drove 4 hours to be home...then, he called again to tell me that he got home safe...night 2 - he texted me if i want his friendship...i said yes...he asked why...i said because it was our promise when we parted that we'll remain best of friends...confusing signals again. I really can't use my own judgement when it comes to me.
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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its not you! You have to trust in you....because you are all you really have!
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am
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