Thread: dont knw what to do!!!!

I have looked at options of me staying put vs leaving to be with him. Right now, I feel that it would be more beneficial if we both stayed here (for right now)....I have told him how I feel about him leaving; He feels that I NEVER want to leave, so therefore he has to........(i guess he feels some resentment toward me cuz he came here to be with me) I told him that's not true, it's just the timing of me up and leaving is not the best right now. I know that he does love me, it's just that........i don't know..........I feel that no matter what, both of us are going to be miserable. (ie: if he stays here for another year or 2 or if I drop everything im doing and follow him around while he figures out what he wants to do with himself). I've had no appetite for days now stressing about this situation here!!!

Well, it certainly sounds like you have more of a legitimate reason for staying than he does for leaving. You have work and school, and he has...? To me it sounds like he's not being very fair - or logical. Relationships only work through compromise. If he's not happy for some external reason that has nothing to do with you, and is willingly to completely leave you and the relationship behind to satisfy himself... it sounds to me like his comfort is more important than you are.

With this type of situation, I would normally ask if it was possible for you to transfer colleges and find a new job in the place he wants to live - but why would you go to all the trouble when he doesn't even have a legitimate reason for being in any particular place? No important, high salary job that is crucial to his career, no fantastic school that he has a scholarship to attend.... why should you dump all your accomplishments and dreams down the drain to follow a guy with no plan of his own?

So... I think you're justified in staying and not following him. What does he think? Does he seem completely willing to do long-distance again? Or does he seem detached, noncommittal (like he just is done with this and ready to move on to something different)? I just wonder if you tell him how hard the long distance thing was for you how he would react. By blaming you or telling you it's your problem? Or by trying to actually compromise? I think the solution to your decision will be clear when you tell him how you're feeling and get his thoughts on the whole thing.

Originally Posted by kms

Well, it certainly sounds like you have more of a legitimate reason for staying than he does for leaving. You have work and school, and he has...? To me it sounds like he's not being very fair - or logical. Relationships only work through compromise. If he's not happy for some external reason that has nothing to do with you, and is willingly to completely leave you and the relationship behind to satisfy himself... it sounds to me like his comfort is more important than you are.

With this type of situation, I would normally ask if it was possible for you to transfer colleges and find a new job in the place he wants to live - but why would you go to all the trouble when he doesn't even have a legitimate reason for being in any particular place? No important, high salary job that is crucial to his career, no fantastic school that he has a scholarship to attend.... why should you dump all your accomplishments and dreams down the drain to follow a guy with no plan of his own?

So... I think you're justified in staying and not following him. What does he think? Does he seem completely willing to do long-distance again? Or does he seem detached, noncommittal (like he just is done with this and ready to move on to something different)? I just wonder if you tell him how hard the long distance thing was for you how he would react. By blaming you or telling you it's your problem? Or by trying to actually compromise? I think the solution to your decision will be clear when you tell him how you're feeling and get his thoughts on the whole thing.

Exactly what i was thinking!!!! I just wanted to see if anyone else out there sees things from the way i'm seeing them. Yes he does have a job right now(that he hates and wants to do something else), yes he is wants to go to school (hasnt applied anywhere yet, much less started any type of program). I just feel that he is being kinda selfish right now and resenting me for some reason cuz i always had the opportunity to do what i wanted to do and he didnt. I have a feeling that if I do tell him how I feel about doing the long distance thing, all he's gonna say is for me to pack up and move with him too or forget about the whole thing. But yeah ur right, I do need to sit down and talk to him and get his true thoughts and feelings about this. Even though I did a little of that before, and he sounded like he really didnt care....