What feels right vs What feels wrong

**Ahryin** · 08-03-2009 02:26 PM

*lets try this again 2nd time I had to write this out..hopefully this time I won't get kicked off and have to log back in..hehe*

I don't know where to start because this is my 2nd time writing it and I pretty much put my all into the first one. I'm seeing someone and have been for a year. We have NO arguements and i'm not exagerating...we do not have disagreements which is pretty freaking weird to me. I mean you would think we would have had at least one by now. For the most part we really can talk things through without getting huffy and puffy about things.
Dee is not an emotional man. He is not a romantic or a flirt he says what he wants and means what he says. He sees things in black and white there is no grey area...which is not always easy to deal with but I respect it. He is the type of man that does exactly what he says he is going to do.
Recently we have been put into a situation where we can not see each other as much as usual. We have virtually no alone time. Its really bothering me. I just feel like something is wrong! We don't speak as much either. When we do speak on his end it's like nothing is wrong and nothing has changed but I can't shake the feeling that something is. It's hard for me to trust a man. Dee isn't very open either what we do is what we do and he has made that clear to me. He has also made it clear that I AM important to him. Its just hard for him to express himself. He feels because we are still dealing with each other and he does the things he does that I should just KNOW how he feels and he shouldn't have to tell me anymore. Which before was ok because we saw each other more often and he showed me. Which is something else he does...not a talker but a do'er
So this weekend we spoke on friday and then not again until Sunday. I did call him but he didn't answer. When he called me he was chipper and sounded happy to talk to me. I asked him what happend and what was his doing this weekend and his response was "Minding my own business"....

Now anyone who I have chosen to associate with on this site and or responded to any of their blogs situations or concerns should know by now that I am not a female that holds her tongue. I am slick mouth but I found myself at a total loss for words. I was in shock! He went on to say..I take it you didn't like that response...he went on with the convo like he didn't say anything wrong continuing to tell me I'm a special woman and he would call me back...which he didn't even do. Now I feel like i'm in the daggone twilight zone!

Am I loosing my freaking mind?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2009 03:35 PM

I asked him what happend and what was his doing this weekend and his response was "Minding my own business"....

Ahhha....

So, he took that as "you checking up on him?" as he stated " I take it you didn't like that answer"...

Perhaps, he's also enjoying a little space but doesn't need you to feel in-secure about it...

You think women are hard to work out?

Change is hard to accept at first and your just going through a change that's all.

CW

**WildChild** · 08-03-2009 03:51 PM

He's pushing your buttons. I deal with this frequently. Does he have a lot of baggage? I've been pulled into old scripts several times and when that happens I tend to pull back a bit and may say something later because he doesn't always realise he's doing it.

I don't care how good they are, men can be real jerks sometimes. They may not intend to be but they manage it.

Go out and have some fun. Look at it this way, if he's just having a "mood" and wants some distance, he'll be back and what will you gain by being upset or pissy? If he is on his way out, again what will you gain by worrying and wondering and imagining? I know this is easier said than done but it really is better for you if you can do it. Go work out, get together with friends or family, go places, do things. When he does call you don't have to tell him all about it, just say you've been keeping busy.

I do worry a bit about people who see the world in B&W, there are so many wonderful colors and variations and what is right in one situation may not transfer to another at all. Where do you hope this goes? Do you really want a LTR with a man who is unromantic, unexpressive and an either or thinker? You don't strike me as the sort of woman who would be happy with that long term. I "see" you as more of a free spirit, don't let your connection with him cause you to put your light under a basket.

**lizzy_09** · 08-03-2009 08:16 PM

I agree with WildChild. Go have some fun, spend time with friends and family and if he ask what your up to, then reply "minding my own business". If he ask why your so indifferent, then say I'm just learning from you. Treat me like an angel then I'll take you to heaven but treat me like a devil and I'll bring you to h裣.

Ever watched Barbara Streisand's movie "The Mirror has two faces"? Maybe he can learn something from this story cause he's like the character Jeff Bridges play in this movie.......BORING.....

**Ahryin** · 08-03-2009 09:46 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Ahhha....

So, he took that as "you checking up on him?" as he stated " I take it you didn't like that answer"...

Perhaps, he's also enjoying a little space but doesn't need you to feel in-secure about it...

You think women are hard to work out?

Change is hard to accept at first and your just going through a change that's all.

CW

How do I only quote one part of what you say in a response. Truthfully that is like him...he likes to feel free. He did fed time over some crazy stuff he is also from Africa. He has been through a lot. His family escaped the Liberian revolution...it was insane. He lost over half of his family members ..which is why he is the way he is. I see him work HARD towards his goals

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2009 09:56 PM

highlight the sentance, go to edit, copy, then paste, then re-highlight the sentance and press the quote button up the top.

How do I only quote one part of what you say in a response

So where has he gone? Why is he now not with you as much?

If he likes to be free, then he also doesn't want someone checking up then...

You don't have a reason to feel in-secure do you?

CW

**Ahryin** · 08-03-2009 10:05 PM

Wild you are right I am a free spirit but with that comes a lot situations and heartache. I have been through so many questionable choices. I think that is what helps me relate to so many women on this site. I feel like I have to be open with them so I might possibly save them or help them through. He brings no drama into my life...for me that means a lot. Let me rephrase romantic...actually I can't there is no getting around it...he isn't. LOL remember when you were a late teen and guys Pecked you...like really pecked you to kiss you...thats how he kisses my body! He doesn't do oral...not at all! He can't rub without looking like he is concentrating so hard not to hurt me. He is very muscular. Its kind of cute that he even tries because it shows me that he IS trying. He grounds me...for instance I'm the type of person that will give you the shirt on my back, my very last dollar. I go all out for my friends and family. He doesn't try to stop me but he will tell me when he thinks someone is taking advantage or when i'm helping to much. He listens to all of my drama (I have two girls by two different men both of which have immature, selfish women in their lives and i'm not exaggerating! Neither of them help support my girls in any way shape or form but demand visitation rights! At times they try to make my life miserable just for the sake of doing so. A good portion of my family sells drugs...on a MAJOR scale, steals cars and sells them for parts, or are here illegally. I'm not ashamed to share this because that is their life choice and not mine, it is also part of what makes me soooo determined not to join any of the family business's) When it comes to certain aspects of our relationship I trust him. Now for why I don't trust him...please don't beat me up to bad for this because i have already done so.
A while back I checked his cell phone. This was before I moved when he would come and sleep over. (of course my girls were not home I would never do that!) Well we had been back together for about 4wks. We had seperated for about 3wks and before we seperated we were together for about 4months. I left him...that is a long story but I KNOW I hurt him...deeply! Well when I checked his phone I found messages to two women. It sounded as if he had not seen them since we got back together and didn't have plans to but it was the fact that he saw them and was still talking to them. One girl he told to leave him and his mother alone...I haven't even met his mother! I figured that was his ex before me. (I haven't met his mother by chance she knows about me but like I stated I have ALOT going on and when i'm free shes going out of town and we always miss each other sounds funny but its true he JUST met my mother 2wks ago for just about the same reason)..wow this is long! Sorry! Any who I was devistated at that point I trusted him...like realy trusted him and I hadn't done that with anyone for a long time. I haven't been able to gain that back. Even though he isn't romantic when he touches me I feel like fire. When he talks to me especially when we are intimate I float I tingle I shiver. So i'm not sure how he does it...but he does it for me. Have you ever had a man look at you and you just feeeeeelllllll gorgeous.
I just can't shake this feeling and thats what scares me....Ladies I'm never wrong! I am in tune with my sixth sense and I just dont know what to do

**Ahryin** · 08-03-2009 10:13 PM

Its a long story but the short version is I had two apartments and have for some time. One is in the city, but my sister stays there now because she was having issues and I refuse to have my two neices in some shelter! Then I had an apartment in NJ because of the company I work for I have to travel back and forth from the city to NJ. By city I mean NY. Well in Feb a man hit me with his car...like he hit my body while I was helping an older gentleman change his tire on the freeway. It was and has been very rough on me. I had to have surgery a couple of weeks ago (finally after waiting all these months because of the guys auto insurance) So I opt'd to get a house and have my mother stay with me to help with the girls knowing that the surgery would cause for me to slow down. I thought it would help financially since I pay most of my mothers bills anyway. This way I only have to pay for the apt in the city and the house vs my two apts and my mothers rent from time to time. (I told you I help a lot...I often take a lot onto my plate) So he comes to visit but we don't have the freedom we used to. My apt used to be our vacation spot from time to time. He also just got a house because his mother wants to save for a condo so she is staying with him. I have a room for myself and the girls but i'm not ready to take that step. I don't bring my girls around men..he has met them but I still keep a distance between them and I feel that is to much

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2009 10:34 PM

So sorry about the surgery, typical nature of yours, hide your own pain and help others.

So, I am only trying to get a picture also for others to comment, were you living closer then and saw more of each other before?

You realise that this sort of an arrangement over a long period of time will cause problems because you can't truly bond together.

I get the in-security therefore...

Your a good person, and your doing alot for family and your only young, remember that it's your life as well.

I do understand and agree with what you are doing regarding your daughters, family, Mother, etc.

But, if you keep a person at too much of a distance, they will start to feel distant.

How long have you been together so to speak?

Haha quit with the quesitons CW.

No..

Why?

Cause...

lol.

CW

**Ahryin** · 08-03-2009 10:55 PM

Its not that we lived closer but my mother is always here! I'm not going to have him sitting in my house with my mother. Plus our schedules are both crazier now. Its only been like this for 4weeks so we haven't really been able to get schedule or pattern together for us to see each other. I have only seen him twice since I have been here. we normally see each other two to three times a week and at least one weekend a month together. We have been together for a year minus the 3wk split. the split happened 4mnths into the relationship then we got back together