Abandonment

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2009 12:08 AM

You know artist, if she can't handle a relationship, then she can't handle pressure and maybe, calling Thursday/Friday/Saturday is too much for her, it brings the fear back out of commitment.. Does that make sense?

Maybe if you leave her alone and let her communicate when she feels safe to then you could work towards something.

I'm tending to feel if she has a dis-order of some kind mentally, then constant communication is not the answer it feels like stalking even though you two are mean't to be in a relationship, to her, not the norm but to her, in as much as, it's pressure and that's too hard for her to accept and comprehend, remember she lives on her own, works from home, rarely goes out, apart from the concerts basically so fear is definately in her thought pattern.

Let her come to you every time.. and just be there, or totally let her go and find someone who isn't confused mentally about who she is and where she is going in life.

CW

**artist1633** · 10-03-2009 11:42 PM

CW, thanks so much for your input into this relationship. I haven't called for 1 week. I do not expect to call at all. Closure is my request, but I cannot even get her on the phone for this. Why doesn't she call to breakup? In the past she has chosen terrible reasons to breakup. We talk and agree that the reasons are not good enough and that we can work things out. I think she does not wish to call because I might rationalize staying together.
Our last conversation was very positive and she gave me no clue about what she was planning to do. All she said was she wouldn't be with me on her birthday because of plans with girlfriends and girlfriends have been around longer, and boyfriends come and go.
How do I get closure if she does not call for a while. Boy! This is very difficult to take. It has been 2 weeks since we've seen each other.

**WildChild** · 10-04-2009 12:03 AM

You may never get it, at least not from her. You've been on and off and you know she isn't very stable. You have to just move on. Get out with freinds, work on hobbies and your interests. You have to just let go. It's not easy but it's all you can do. She may or may not do this on purpose but it's hurtful and no one needs that in their lives.

**artist1633** · 10-04-2009 12:12 PM

It is so interesting that when she returned after a breakup her first words were "now I realize how serious this relationship is." She also said "someday these visits will no longer be visits." What makes this so weird is that I am stable, a teacher, loving, and yearning to give someone my heart. She knows it is positive and that I am a good man for her, why oh why does she run away. I cannot for the life of me understand. For you ladies who might be doing this same thing to men, please answer me and give me your input about this form of behavior. I am not judging, just trying to understand. I would appreciate it.

**artist1633** · 10-06-2009 10:28 PM

Ok, today is 10/06, eight month anniversary. Shouldn't of, but I called at noon. she didn't answer. left a message requesting an explanation for the absence. Nothing. I really thought she might call. My happiness in my classroom remains strong, but when thoughts of "T" slip into mind, I remain bummed. Life is good, it brings growth in many forms, sometimes a heartache. Wow, if one can call heartache bad, it is so very real. The troubling part is that some people do it easily without remorse. I don't know about my friend, but it certainly feels like she doesn't feel any. Bless all of you reading this.
Godspeed.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-07-2009 02:18 AM

artist you probably see this as well with your students, the procrastination.. The uncertainty...

In away, if you observe even their career paths, choices, same thing.

Your used to it probably to a degree and lonely.. Don't settle... I don't know how old you are but I suspect a mature gentleman...

Nothing wrong with love but if it's given back with disrespect? It's time to totally call it quits.

By not returning calls, it's disrespect especially when she can "claim" to one day it will no longer be visits. It's blackmail in a subtle way, keeping you on a string of hope.

Please, ease the pain which will happen eventually and get out there and meet other women and find someone that actually does want to be there and not play these childish "teenager" games that she is playing bi-polar or not, not relevant, it's now playing with your mind as well as at work.

Bless you back and sleep on this.

CW

**artist1633** · 10-08-2009 01:04 AM

As the day has passed, there have been thoughts of her. Little things she did. Now I realize that it was all surface stuff, that perhaps it was only the attention she gave me. I hadn't experienced a relationship in 3 years. I hadn't experienced love in over 15 or so years. I have always believed I have faith. Now is the testing period of it. I think of her and I have to deflect the thought. That is too bad because there was really no good reason for a breakup except that...well, she didn't love. I guess that is all that is needed for the separation. Good night ladies. This is text conference is coming to an end, unless something dramatic happens. I'll give it until Sunday. Wishful thinking.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-08-2009 01:08 AM

goodnight artist...

I haven't had a relationship i can call one either in nearly 3 years and 7 1/2 without love before that

it comes to all who wait... It will happen for you...

**artist1633** · 10-09-2009 12:47 AM

When people do not respond, is it because of no concern? Reflecting on her behavior, I see the writing on the wall. She slowly detached from me. First the movie going stopped, then the midnight calls, then the day calls, then I saw her only one evening a night.
I believe we both got addicted to each other and she finally thought it was too much. Many of her things are here, but I have begun to remove them...it hurts to do it. Her favorite dress hangs in my closet, she has my favorite shirts and t shirts, etc. etc. etc. Does she even care? Will she return my keys and things? Probably not. I wish she would call to give me understanding. Thank you for all your patience. This is taking longer than I thought it would. For your ladies reading this, please send letters with thoughts and opinions. All info you can provide is good. I look forward to your input.
I read and reread because it is therapeutic. Goodnight all. Thanks for Chandlers Wish.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-09-2009 03:34 AM

Artist, do you realise you have had over 1000 views?

The reason perhaps why people haven't responded is because it is more like a blog except for this last post and hense why I am bringing it up.. Now you are asking questions again and our members need to realise you need some ideas.

Best wishes.

CW

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