Thread: Abandonment

Thanks again Caterpillar, you said it wonderfully, "if love were to stay even with no contact, then, you can say, it is worth all the wait and the turmoil."

I have come a long way to back out. I do really pray for my patience to be rewarded.
I'm thinking that in 2 more weeks I will call her for lunch or something like that.

artist, I think caterpillar has summed it up pretty well. I just wanted to add that "T" reminds me a lot of one of my friends. She's not quite as extreme as T, but she's far from being able to hold normal relationships. She and I became friends and began hanging out once a week. I tried calling her the next day sometimes to see if she wanted to get dinner, but she would never respond. She would only respond a few days later, just to make some excuse and confirm our next weekly get together. I came to realize that she had done the same as T - she had compartmentalized her life. I was fit into once a week and nothing else.

She also had a difficult childhood - she and her mother were abused by her father, and her father even put a gun to their heads and threatened to kill them. Her mother cheated on her father (and then left her father and married the guy she cheated with) and my friend was furious. She's stuck between loyalty to her dad and her mom, and longs for her father's acceptance and love. Her romantic relationships are similar to yours. They are always on her terms and on her time. They never last long; she is only available when she wants to be and disappears completely when she's decided it's been too much. Many of the men she has dated all still madly love her and seem to be very caring guys (I've met them... somehow she still considers me her friend after all this time; I've given up on a real relationship and just hang out with her every now and then, when she wants it. I'm not looking for anything real from her). She keeps all these men on a string, flitting from one to another, adding new ones every so often. She has never held down a successful relationship, and I doubt she ever will because she repeats the same cycle, over and over again. She can't get out by herself, and no man can ever succeed in getting her out either. Only professional help, her own motivation, and time will work.... as I am sure is the case with T as well.

As a mature woman, T has definitely developed a good routine. She does have her usual places she frequents. She always goes and leaves alone unless she is with her girlfriends.
Interesting that she never wanted me to be with her at her places. At the beginning yes, then that changed to never.
Today is Sunday and with each day that passes I read your messages and the pattern of her behavior hones in. I realize that this can go either way. By the end of the month all answers or nonanswers will point to a definite road.

Actually, we shared what days she was available and what days she could be with me, down to the hours. She would call me on her way to her friends or home. When she would call, we'd talk for hours and hours until we knew each other like a book. The wonder of it all is that I knew more about her than any of her friends. T knows me like a book. She would take me to her places, we'd hang out. Then that stopped. Her schedule is down to the minute. She has to be like that otherwise she couldn't handle her schedule. It is so tight that I became the odd person out. She actually said that once. So here we are.

You put it succinctly. That is what to do. I appreciate your wisdom...yet again. I will let her have her space, like I have the past 2 weeks. Should I call at the end of the month or not at all.

It is almost impossible to believe love can be made and not have devotion in equal amounts. It becomes an issue of belief and faith. She knows how I feel...I won't remind her. I think she cares but is afraid of showing it and living it. As an older woman, I can't imagine this is her first attempt at love. Perhaps the reason we lasted so long was patience on both our parts. If this has occurred before on her part, then she won't return. Because she is used to it. If my goodness and patience serves as good reminders then she will. Perhaps they won't be enough for her to miss me. Though my constant thoughts are they will be sufficient for her to consider future contact.