Seduced and Cheated by My husband's close friend...WHY???

**versatile9** · 08-18-2009 02:25 AM

It so happened that my husband was overseas and sought a help from his very close friend of 22 years friendship to help me in his absence. When contacted he told me to come and meet up so that he can help me as my husband requested to him. As a very good close friend of my husband, I also trusted and went to a restaurant he invited. Though the discussion was very smooth initially, he started to slowly seduce me by way of buying me wine and talking about my family and his own playboy life from young and how he has been successful now. I kept quite the whole time and was just a listener. (Probably I should have walked out as the topic was turning a bit sexier). Slowly he started telling me about his attraction to me and also started using very vulgar expressions apart from talking bad about my husband. He also started expressing whether he can take me somewhere to a discreet place so that we both can have good time. I politely said no and said that I should be leaving now as I am not the person he thought otherwise. But when I started leaving, suddenly he hugged me and started kissing me passionately for which I just kept quite and was a party to this sinful act. It was only after about 10 minutes that I realized that I am getting into a trap and had to pull out and leave immediately without any acknowledgement or the so called help he said that he will do to me as per my husband's request.

After this episode he started repeatedly sending sms to me and requesting for an outing somewhere, for which I started totally avoiding him nor replying.

Due to couple of wine glasses I had or my own weaknesses that I kept quite and was just a listener to the whole episode. I feel that I should have slapped him or just walked out of the place. Now I am dilemma about how and why did I commit this mistake to my husband and how a best friend of my husband took liberty with me despite my knowing him and his family so well. In my opinion he cheated both me and my husband and also tried to take advantage of me in the name of help.

Should I inform this episode to my lovely husband and seek pardon for me and also expose about his close friend?

Shouldn't this kind of person be punished? How can this person be taught a lesson in life? Please anybody with real good intention may give their suggestion and thought. Thanks.

**Kakie** · 08-18-2009 03:39 AM

Originally Posted by versatile9

Should I inform this episode to my lovely husband and seek pardon for me and also expose about his close friend?

Shouldn't this kind of person be punished? How can this person be taught a lesson in life? Please anybody with real good intention may give their suggestion and thought. Thanks.

okay, i don't mean this harshly, i understand that with your husband being overseas you may have felt a bit alone perhaps, and that you trusted your husband's friend... however i think it is wrong to totally blame him. you could have walked away at any point of the evening, as soon as things started to turn sexual, the conversation, his manner, you could have asked him to remain appropriately behaved or you could have left the restaurant.. equally to kiss someone for 10 minutes is quite a while.. more than a 'slip'.. so whilst i understand that you may wish to tell your husband what happened in order that he may know the truth about his supposed 'friend' i think you also need to be aware that your husband may be equally angry with you and that it may do irreparable damage to your marriage...

i'd also consider WHY you did this.. looking beyond your husband's friends actions, how wrong they may have been, i'd also think about why you let things get so far.. whether everything with your husband is how it should be.. etc..

just my 2 cents

**Mrs Doodles** · 08-18-2009 04:53 AM

Sorry but i think you are just as much to blame as your husband's best friend in all of this as you shouldnt of gone out for a meal with him in the first place doesnt matter how lonely you were or how long your husband had been away you shouldnt of gone FULL STOP if i was you i would tell your husband everything as you owe him this much and dont make the same mistake again.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-18-2009 05:15 AM

Saying this in a not as harsh way..

You are trying to really find a way out of taking partial blame for what occured.

Yes, going to a Restaurant automatically triggers any woman's thoughts.

Listening to him, and not walking out was a fatal mistake.

Kissing him for 10 minutes a definate "cheat" yourself...

He did not seduce you.. He tested you. You were weak... He does not deserve anything, no punishment other than the slap in the face he should have got. If you are married, you are a woman, not a child and you knew it was wrong to kiss him, when married.

It is equal fault.

You need to ask yourself why you needed to be kissed.

Why you needed the attention.

Are you really that vulvernable to not have seen? Are you a young wife?

You say they were friends for 22 years, that surely puts your husband in his 30's or 40's..

You are more than likely more frightened of your husband finding out.

He is not a friend to your husband if he did this, unless he never liked you and wants your husband to break up with you.. Thinks you would gladly do something like this to your husband.

You have no choice but to tell your husband.

But, only you know if his friend is not a true friend. Or if he was baiting you.. And, why you are not in love with your husband. Why he is "only" a "lovely" man.

CW

**versatile9** · 08-18-2009 09:19 PM

Dear Friends,

Thanks for your valuable thoughts and really appreciate it.
I am agreeing to my partial mistake also and I do not want to wriggle out from the issue. True, probably I would have been weak at the given moment especially after having a couple wine glass which my husband's friend was forcing me to have despite my saying that I should leave. Even now I am thinking as to why it had happened to me. Only because he wanted to talk to me and help as my husband requested that I went. But I should have warned him to stop talking sexily and/or should have slapped him and left the place immediately without any further reaction......... What a big mistake I have done......feel miserable and hate myself.

I am in mid 30 and do have kids. I love my husband a lot and my whole life is dedicated to him only. Hence, with all your thoughts given to me, of course I have decided to inform my husband about the episode and also seek him to pardon me. I am sure he will understand and stand by me for support as I did not stray further and also informed him. Equally I am confident that I will be able to have a much happier life than before share more trust with each other.

Probably this episode of mine will be an eye opener for more ladies out there. We should be vigilant to even our own family friends beyond a point as the guys intention is always leading to sex beyond a point. There is no moral and ethics in this life.

**versatile9** · 08-19-2009 10:31 AM

Please all ladies out there, this will be my last message. However I have confessed, I need all your inputs and comments to enable me making my decision of how to go about it. For sure, I am going to expose all the matters to my husband and prove my position. Kindly put yourself into my position and guide my truly.

I accept my partial mistake, but is it all? I am going to withdraw from this thread too as some other issues have come. But still would like to have any other inputs as a last straw. Thanks

**WildChild** · 08-19-2009 10:57 AM

Tell him very simply that his friend, whom he had told you would assist you if needed, contacted you and you to meet him. You had felt that because it was a public place that this was acceptable. Tell that the man insisted on buying you several drinks and that his conversation then became more personal and that as you were leaving this man instead of a brotherly hug, proceeded to kiss you inappropriately, that you left immediately. Also tell that the man seems not regret his actions but tried to contact you and persuade you to meet him.

Tell him you are distrubed by this man's behavior and expect your husband to make clear to him that all attempts to contact you must stop.

**Mrs Doodles** · 08-20-2009 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by versatile9

I love my husband a lot and my whole life is dedicated to him only

So if this is the case why did you go out to dinner with your DH best friend and i take it you told your DH you were having dinner with him?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-20-2009 07:40 AM

She explained that Mrs Doodles... He asked her, her husband asked him to do so, she felt she was safe, no big deal....

CW

**versatile9** · 08-24-2009 09:56 PM

Yes Yes....I have informed my husband in a quite atmosphere about how all the episode broken in..well... it was tough for both him and me. Initially it was a shock to my husband and after quite sometime he broke with huge cry and weeping. I had to hug him and kept consoling him with all my effort and also sought for his pardoning me. It has been going on for that last 2 days and it is a at home. Time and again he keeps coming with various questions with how, when, his friend's move and mine, etc etc.... even though it has been tough and delicate to answer such a tough question, I made up mind and have revealed all that had been enacted....all that he keeps saying is that he loves me and that it is his fault to have trusted a friend and requested for help in his absence. I have been consoling him that it is just not my husband's fault but it is also both on his friend and myself as I could have just slapped on the face and walked out the very moment.

I feel very sorry for my husband as this incident has come as a big blow for my husband apart from his ongoing business troubles..... I am sure that he will pardon me and take me into confidence with full trust and I will also ensure all the help and comfort from my side.

Only time will tell as to how and when my husband will overcome from this shock and our normal life would return.

He is crying and each time asks how this betrayal could have been done by his 22 years old trusted friend and that is what is hitting him hard and unable to overcome / digest.

Wonder what my husband will do further and how I am going to overcome on my side...Oh my god. Both of us are tired and feeling as it is the end of the world for us.... I have been praying to god to give us the strength to overcome the entire episode soon.

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