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So tonight i witnessed my boyfriend say some rrrrreally cruel things to his mother. He is a mixed man (father is black, mother is white). They were in a heated argument infront of me about Obama, and racism and immigrant rights (there was alot going on) and he told his mother and I that we have never dealt with racism and that we dont have an opinion because we are white women. His mom told him that he needed to hang out with some more black people before he started telling her about what she could and could not have an opinion about reguarding race. And he came back at her and said, "well the only black people you've ever hung out with are the men who ed you" and repeated it, " the only black people you've hung out with are guys who ed you".
She is the kind of mother that goes above and beyond to make his life easier. And he says again and again that she is the person that he cares most about in the world.
I just wonder... if he is capable of saying something so harsh to his mother, what kind of things is he capable of saying to me? I do not want to be in a relationship that has verbal abuse,
He ended up telling me that it would be best if we took a break, because he "was not in a good place". Which I am thankful for because well... I cant be with someone who treats they're mother like that.
Please give me your opinion about this. I know that race is a touchy subject but besides that, I need some input and some guidance as to how to handle this.

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*** I need to make a correction, the like that says

"well the only black people you've ever hung out with are the men who ED you"

Is supposed to say: "well the only black people you've ever hung out with are the men who f..you"

Didnt know I wasnt allowed to curse. Sorry

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***and by like I meant "Lines" or sentences

Hopeless Dork

When angry people can say the cruelest of things, many times things so absurd they regret almost immediately. If it was the only outburst of this kind or mistreatment of his mother that you have seen... its doubtful he's disrespectful to her in general, yes that statement was about as disresepctful as one can get to their mother.

I understand your fear, I've always been told -- see how a man treats his mother, speaks of his mother, and you will have an idea for how they see women in general and how they will then treat them.

Many times if a guy thinks his mom is a sloot and what not... they will not think much of women in general.. etc.

Unless he talks like that all the time, one incident of blowing his lid and saying something regrettable is not an indicator that he's a verbal abuser.

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CHANDLERS WISH

There are issues there that he is probably been taunted over as a child. His Mother is white, his Dad is black and he would have had to have gone through a fair wack of pressure...

His Mother chose whom she loved. Remind him of that. His Mother wasn't into discrimination and had him . Remind him of that.

Peer pressure and what he went through as a kid growing up will be over soon. He will mature.

One day I hope he apologizes to her.

I would say the above to his Mother, in-case she doesn't actually know and realize his anger and why.

I am betting, that's the reason.

Hopefully, by intervening and just casually mentioning that to her and that you like her and by telling him the above, he may see sense.

In the meantime, he's dealing with something very hard to deal with.. But, he also chose you, a white woman, which means he is following her footsteps and this can create anger as well... based on what he probably went through at school, if that makes sense.

His parents are together.

You can either work with this and let him see, or give up..


CW

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