I seriously need help

Smurff · 09-15-2009, 07:16 PM

I sign up a few moments ago. I dont usually post up my problems. " I usually try to solve it myself" But i really dont know what to do. I need a little bit help...past experience from others or advice. so here is my story

Me and my boyfriend been going out for more than 3 years. next year march makes it 4.

I started dating him when i was 18 and he was only 16. were high school sweethearts. I love him terribly. Its hard for me to love someone because i want someone that will show me they are worth me risking my whole heart. and he did just that.

He lives with his grandmother " she adopted him" and since the beginning she didnt like me. i thought maybe because of the fact were in school and im older. she always bring up the age difference. " he tells me" but he doesnt care.

she hates all of her children other half so im no different. at first all we could do is see each other is at school, or we sneak around " him telling his grandmother he doing something but really he spending time with me." down the line i gave up... i gave him my whole heart all of my love. and we have a son together. he is 1 years old. i love my family to death. both of them are my everything.

but the thing is that when he finally told his grandmother about me beginng pregnant well she was disappointed and mad at him. his mother " who use to help us see each other" would help take me to my doctors apointment. he even would go out school to come with me.

but the day i gave birth. well his grandmother didnt want him there. so he snoke out of his house called up his mom to pick him up and he was there for me when i gave birth.

i had c section so i had to stay at the hospital for recovery. he wasnt allow to come to the hospital " i heard that the first few days is a good bonding moment ya know. and i wanted him to bond with his son". till i got really pissed off and yell at him straight out on the phone. and he ended up coming to the hospital.

he sneak out his house, hitchhike to the hospital just to help me for a little bit. well since we were both in school and no jobs " my advice dont come to live on guam. there isnt any jobs at all" his mother offer to adopt our son. to take care of him while me and my boyfriend finish school and go to college.

well i was dead set against it because how i am raise. in my family we dont do that. its taboo in my family. but this one morning i had a 5k run to go to for extra credit. we went to a place were we always go to talk to just enjoy our time together. i pass our of the lack of sleep. but i still heard everything he said. i realize that he was hurting and suffering because he couldnt be there for me and our son. and i love him so much and i dont want him to hurt or suffer that i sign the papers.

even tho everyone telling me it was a big mistake. well he is in the army and last year he got back from basic " split ops" and when he came back i was so happy. we still continue to sneak around " i dont like it now because i realize i dont want our son to do the same thing" but it was the only time that we could really spend time now since im in college.

well the real problem is that... were going out for so long...his grandmother still treats me like . he just recently graduated. " yay" but its still the same thing. i mean his grandmother hates me to the point she doesnt give him the phone when i call. " not even once" when i do call and tell her who i am she would yell on the phone saying stop calling or stop bothering him and that she been seeing my number on the id a lot. and hangs up.

" i dont even call often" she doesnt approve of him coming to my house to spend time. or anything at all! and its been a issue for us since after i gave birth. its to the point that i cant even go to his house to visit him.

were still under our parents house cause we dont have job to get our own place. i keep telling him that he has to do something about his grandmother. but he always that he would just move out and stay with me. i dont want him to move out i just want him to stand up for me. and i dont know what else to do.

i love him so much that i did the adoption because of his suffering thats how much i care. please help me out. im thinking of visit him now at his house but..im not too sure if thats a good idea since she hangs up on me i think what makes me think she would let me see him. im getting tired of it all. yeah she treats all the in law this way. but see most of his uncles and his mother " only girl" move out. to be with their love ones. i mean we cant move out yet because we both just graduated.

but i just want to spend time with him with approval or at least see him often. he does all this for his family. " like when he gets paid he pays for the bills for his grandmother and his mother and gets our son things. which i dont mind." but there just hardly ever a us time! its to the point that i cry every day.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-15-2009, 07:30 PM

Sounds like Grandma comes from the old school and wants all the children to have successful careers... love doesn't come into it.

He's 19, your 21 now right?

He obviously loves you if he hitchhicked to get to you in hopsital.

She's hoping that by keeping you in a distance, he will forget you but she doesn't realise even if that occured, he'd find another girl, meaning only that it's normal to have relationships...

It seems you have a good relationship with his Mother.. What does she say about it all?

He obviously would be okay moving away from his Grandma and living with you, why can not this occur? Because you still live with your family?

It's a tricky one, you can't "teach old dogs new tricks", I think she is set in her ways.

If you've completed College can you now start looking for work? I know that you state there are no jobs but what are you looking at becoming?

She obviously sees him in the Army for years to come....

All you both can do is work towards a place of your own and start planning it, even if it takes you 12 months to get there.

He's an Adult now and so are you.

It's too hard to stand up for you, to her.. She is set in her ways, he's offered a solution living with you.. She won't budge or change and I think he knows that but he's prepared to go against her to be with you. It could be a whole lot worse.

CW

Smurff · 09-15-2009, 10:01 PM

in a way yes i want him to move in with me. but i know my mother " single parent" wont give the okay. and i know he is the one that is taking care of his grandmother. her kids dont really do much. he always the one that does everything. plus she is 69 years old. pretty old. so im split in two.

**WildChild** · 09-15-2009, 10:22 PM

LOL, 69 isn't all that old. I have a freind in her mid 70s who still has a motorcycle license!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-16-2009, 12:21 AM

Haha, I agree, 69 is not old WC... It's a good number as well.

Okay, all jokes aside.

Have you actually asked your Mother? I mean your 21 years of age, are you helping paying your way at home and can he contribute, is there a spare room, I mean maybe she would agree if initially he didn't sleep with you and there was a few extra dollars coming into the home?

And, all he would be doing for his family, is "making" them do something more for his Grandma. He can't live there for the next 15 years, granny's live to a nice ripe old age you know.. So isn't it better to condition her whilst she's actually "young" my Mum's age, than in 5 years time when she then starts to depend more on people? Then how is he going to get out?

A few things to think about there.

CW

09-15-2009, 07:16 PM	#1
Smurff Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Guam Posts: 3	I seriously need help I sign up a few moments ago. I dont usually post up my problems. " I usually try to solve it myself" But i really dont know what to do. I need a little bit help...past experience from others or advice. so here is my story Me and my boyfriend been going out for more than 3 years. next year march makes it 4. I started dating him when i was 18 and he was only 16. were high school sweethearts. I love him terribly. Its hard for me to love someone because i want someone that will show me they are worth me risking my whole heart. and he did just that. He lives with his grandmother " she adopted him" and since the beginning she didnt like me. i thought maybe because of the fact were in school and im older. she always bring up the age difference. " he tells me" but he doesnt care. she hates all of her children other half so im no different. at first all we could do is see each other is at school, or we sneak around " him telling his grandmother he doing something but really he spending time with me." down the line i gave up... i gave him my whole heart all of my love. and we have a son together. he is 1 years old. i love my family to death. both of them are my everything. but the thing is that when he finally told his grandmother about me beginng pregnant well she was disappointed and mad at him. his mother " who use to help us see each other" would help take me to my doctors apointment. he even would go out school to come with me. but the day i gave birth. well his grandmother didnt want him there. so he snoke out of his house called up his mom to pick him up and he was there for me when i gave birth. i had c section so i had to stay at the hospital for recovery. he wasnt allow to come to the hospital " i heard that the first few days is a good bonding moment ya know. and i wanted him to bond with his son". till i got really pissed off and yell at him straight out on the phone. and he ended up coming to the hospital. he sneak out his house, hitchhike to the hospital just to help me for a little bit. well since we were both in school and no jobs " my advice dont come to live on guam. there isnt any jobs at all" his mother offer to adopt our son. to take care of him while me and my boyfriend finish school and go to college. well i was dead set against it because how i am raise. in my family we dont do that. its taboo in my family. but this one morning i had a 5k run to go to for extra credit. we went to a place were we always go to talk to just enjoy our time together. i pass our of the lack of sleep. but i still heard everything he said. i realize that he was hurting and suffering because he couldnt be there for me and our son. and i love him so much and i dont want him to hurt or suffer that i sign the papers. even tho everyone telling me it was a big mistake. well he is in the army and last year he got back from basic " split ops" and when he came back i was so happy. we still continue to sneak around " i dont like it now because i realize i dont want our son to do the same thing" but it was the only time that we could really spend time now since im in college. well the real problem is that... were going out for so long...his grandmother still treats me like . he just recently graduated. " yay" but its still the same thing. i mean his grandmother hates me to the point she doesnt give him the phone when i call. " not even once" when i do call and tell her who i am she would yell on the phone saying stop calling or stop bothering him and that she been seeing my number on the id a lot. and hangs up. " i dont even call often" she doesnt approve of him coming to my house to spend time. or anything at all! and its been a issue for us since after i gave birth. its to the point that i cant even go to his house to visit him. were still under our parents house cause we dont have job to get our own place. i keep telling him that he has to do something about his grandmother. but he always that he would just move out and stay with me. i dont want him to move out i just want him to stand up for me. and i dont know what else to do. i love him so much that i did the adoption because of his suffering thats how much i care. please help me out. im thinking of visit him now at his house but..im not too sure if thats a good idea since she hangs up on me i think what makes me think she would let me see him. im getting tired of it all. yeah she treats all the in law this way. but see most of his uncles and his mother " only girl" move out. to be with their love ones. i mean we cant move out yet because we both just graduated. but i just want to spend time with him with approval or at least see him often. he does all this for his family. " like when he gets paid he pays for the bills for his grandmother and his mother and gets our son things. which i dont mind." but there just hardly ever a us time! its to the point that i cry every day. Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 09-15-2009 at 07:24 PM. Reason: paragraphing for readers

09-15-2009, 07:30 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,962 Blog Entries: 7	Sounds like Grandma comes from the old school and wants all the children to have successful careers... love doesn't come into it. He's 19, your 21 now right? He obviously loves you if he hitchhicked to get to you in hopsital. She's hoping that by keeping you in a distance, he will forget you but she doesn't realise even if that occured, he'd find another girl, meaning only that it's normal to have relationships... It seems you have a good relationship with his Mother.. What does she say about it all? He obviously would be okay moving away from his Grandma and living with you, why can not this occur? Because you still live with your family? It's a tricky one, you can't "teach old dogs new tricks", I think she is set in her ways. If you've completed College can you now start looking for work? I know that you state there are no jobs but what are you looking at becoming? She obviously sees him in the Army for years to come.... All you both can do is work towards a place of your own and start planning it, even if it takes you 12 months to get there. He's an Adult now and so are you. It's too hard to stand up for you, to her.. She is set in her ways, he's offered a solution living with you.. She won't budge or change and I think he knows that but he's prepared to go against her to be with you. It could be a whole lot worse. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

09-15-2009, 10:22 PM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	LOL, 69 isn't all that old. I have a freind in her mid 70s who still has a motorcycle license! __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

09-16-2009, 12:21 AM	#5
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,962 Blog Entries: 7	Haha, I agree, 69 is not old WC... It's a good number as well. Okay, all jokes aside. Have you actually asked your Mother? I mean your 21 years of age, are you helping paying your way at home and can he contribute, is there a spare room, I mean maybe she would agree if initially he didn't sleep with you and there was a few extra dollars coming into the home? And, all he would be doing for his family, is "making" them do something more for his Grandma. He can't live there for the next 15 years, granny's live to a nice ripe old age you know.. So isn't it better to condition her whilst she's actually "young" my Mum's age, than in 5 years time when she then starts to depend more on people? Then how is he going to get out? A few things to think about there. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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09-15-2009, 10:01 PM	#3
Smurff Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Guam Posts: 3	in a way yes i want him to move in with me. but i know my mother " single parent" wont give the okay. and i know he is the one that is taking care of his grandmother. her kids dont really do much. he always the one that does everything. plus she is 69 years old. pretty old. so im split in two.